The Good Book_ A Secular Bible - A. C. Grayling [334]
18. If you are in authority, and have a right to command, your commands delivered in a gentle manner will be willingly, cheerfully, and therefore well obeyed;
19. Whereas, if given only with firmness, they will rather be interrupted than executed.
20. For my own part, if I bid the waiter bring me a glass of wine in a rough insulting manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he would contrive to spill some of it upon me:
21. And I am sure I should deserve it. A cool, steady resolution should show that where you have a right to command you will be obeyed.
22. But at the same time, a gentleness in the manner of enforcing obedience should make that obedience a cheerful one, and soften as much as possible the mortifying consciousness of inferiority.
23. If you are to ask a favour, or even to solicit your due, you must do it with gentleness,
24. Or you will give those who have a mind to refuse you a pretence to do it by resenting the manner.
25. But, on the other hand, you must, by a steady perseverance and decent tenaciousness, show firmness of mind too.
26. The right motives are seldom the true ones of men’s actions, especially of people in positions of authority,
27. Who often give to importunity and fear what they would refuse to justice or to merit. By the gentle manner engage people’s hearts, if you can;
28. At least prevent the pretence of offence; but take care to show enough of the firmness of mind to extort from their love of ease, or their fear, what you might in vain hope from their justice or good nature.
29. People in high life are hardened to the wants and distresses of mankind, as surgeons are to their bodily pains;
30. They see and hear of them all day long, and even of so many simulated ones, that they do not know which are real, and which not.
31. Other sentiments are therefore to be applied to than those of mere justice and humanity; their favour must be captivated by the gentle manner;
32. Their love of ease disturbed by unwearied importunity, or their fears wrought upon by a decent intimation of implacable, cool resentment: this is the true firmness of mind.
33. This precept is the only way I know in the world of being loved without being despised, and feared without being hated.
34. It constitutes the dignity of character which every wise man must endeavour to establish.
Epistle 20
1. My son, if you find that you have a hastiness in your temper, which unguardedly breaks out into indiscreet sallies or rough expressions,
2. To either your superiors, your equals or your inferiors,
3. Watch it narrowly, check it carefully, and call the gentleness of manner to your assistance:
4. At the first impulse of passion, be silent till you can be soft.
5. Labour even to get the command of your countenance so well, that those emotions may not be read in it; this is a most unspeakable advantage in business!
6. On the other hand, let no complaisance, no gentleness of temper, no weak desire of pleasing on your part,
7. And no wheedling, coaxing, nor flattery, on other people’s part,
8. Make you recede one jot from any point that reason and prudence have bid you pursue;
9. But return to the charge, persist, persevere, and you will find most things attainable that are possible.
10. A yielding, timid meekness is always abused and insulted by the unjust and the unfeeling;
11. But when sustained by firmness of mind, is always respected, and commonly successful.
12. In your friendships and connections, as well as in your enmities, this rule is particularly useful;
13. Let your firmness and vigour preserve and invite attachments to you;
14. But, at the same time, let your manner hinder the enemies of your friends and dependants from becoming yours;
15. Let your enemies be disarmed by the gentleness of your manner, but let them feel, at the same time, the steadiness of your just resentment;
16. For there is a great difference between bearing malice, which is always ungenerous, and a resolute self-defence, which is always prudent and justifiable.
17. In negotiations remember