The Good Book_ A Secular Bible - A. C. Grayling [59]
22. For there is such a thing as moderation even in grieving.
23. And as to he whom you have lost, who so richly deserved that mention of him should always bring you joy,
24. He will occupy a more fitting place, if he comes before his mother as the same merry and joyous son that he used to be when he was alive.
25. Nor shall I direct your mind to precepts of the sterner sort, so as to bid you bear a human fortune in inhuman fashion, so as to dry a mother’s eyes on the very day of burial.
26. But I shall come with you before an arbiter, and this will be the question at issue between us – whether grief ought to be deep or never-ending.
Chapter 9
1. I do not doubt that the example of Livia, your intimate friend, will be a good one for you; she summons you to follow her.
2. She, during the first passion of grief, when its sufferers are most unsubmissive and most passionate, made herself accessible to the philosopher Areus, the friend of her husband,
3. And later confessed that she had gained much help from that source – more than from the Roman people, whom she was unwilling to sadden with this sadness of her own;
4. More than from Augustus, who was staggering under the loss of one of his main supports, and was in no condition to be further burdened by the grief of his dear ones;
5. More than from her son Tiberius, whose devotion at that untimely funeral, that made the nations weep,
6. Kept her from feeling that she had suffered any loss except in the number of her sons.
7. It was thus that Areus approached her, it was thus he commenced to address one who clung most tenaciously to her own opinion:
8. ‘Up to this day, Livia, you have taken pains that no one should find anything at all in you to criticise; and not only in large matters, but in the smallest trifles,
9. ‘You have been on your guard not to do anything that you could wish public opinion, that most unforgiving of judges, to excuse.
10. ‘And nothing, I think, is more admirable than the rule that those who have been placed in high position should bestow pardon for many things, should seek pardon for none.
11. ‘And so in this matter also you must still hold to your practice of doing nothing that you could wish undone, or done otherwise.
12. ‘Furthermore I beg you, do not make yourself unapproachable and difficult to your friends.
13. ‘For surely you must be aware that none of them know how to conduct themselves – whether they should speak of Drusus in your presence or not,
14. ‘Wishing neither to wrong so distinguished a youth by forgetting him, nor to hurt you by mentioning him.
15. ‘When we have withdrawn from your company and are gathered together, we extol his deeds and words with all the veneration he deserved;
16. ‘In your presence there is deep silence about him. And so you are missing a very great pleasure in not hearing the praises of your son,
17. ‘Which I doubt not, you would be glad, if you should be given the opportunity, to prolong to all times even at the cost of your life.
18. ‘Therefore submit to conversation about your son; indeed, encourage it, and let your ears be open to his name and memory;
19. ‘And do not consider this burdensome, after the fashion of some others, who in a calamity of this sort count it an added misfortune to listen to words of comfort.
20. ‘As it is, you have tended wholly to the other extreme, and, forgetting the better aspects of your fortune, you gaze only on its worse side.
21. ‘You do not turn your thought to the happy times you had with your son, nor to his fond and boyish caresses, nor to the progress of his studies;
22. ‘You dwell only on that last appearance of fortune, and just as if it were not horrible enough in itself, you add to it all the horror you can.
23. ‘Do not, I entreat you, covet that most perverse distinction – that of being considered the most unhappy of women!
24. ‘Reflect, too, that it is no great thing to show oneself brave in the midst of prosperity, when life glides on in a tranquil course;
25. ‘A quiet sea and a favouring wind do not show