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specifically. It’s still slow for him, but wonder of wonders, he is reading for pleasure and always wants to be in the middle of some book or other. Right now it’s Deke Slayton’s autobiography, so we aren’t talking children’s books, either. That would probably not have happened if he’d been in school, either. Sooner or later, they would have stripped his love of reading from him in focusing on what he wasn’t doing “at grade level” (many things) and ignoring those things he was good at. I still read to him, although for far less time each day. Likewise, I still “write” for him: He dictates, I help with grammar and whatever else is necessary to make it clear to the reader, and, most often, type it for him, including letters to e-mail and pen pals. Without that help, those outlets and relationships would be denied him. At the same time, his knowledge of many subjects is at or often beyond grade level because he could pursue those interests independently of the skills needed to do so on his own. No institutional school could have done the same.

Another big plus for home educating kids who don’t fit into the school’s niches is that they are able to maintain a positive attitude about themselves and their abilities. With luck, they never get the impression they have to be “fixed.” I found that one of the bonuses of not having educational credentials is that if I discovered a method wasn’t working, I figured the method was wrong—not the child. That approach was put aside, sometimes to be returned to later when he was ready or interested and sometimes not. I worked to find another way or simply waited for another time. We never had a shortage of other things to do, and eventually he has come to find his way with—or around—all of the basics.

We are unschoolers. I have to admit it took me a lot longer to unschool our son than to unschool our daughter whose challenges are different and more “normal,” whatever that is. I remember wondering for years if he would ever show a passion for learning some particular field. It was our daughter who gave me the confidence to give up (most of) the guilt that I wasn’t doing enough. I’d heard the message of the professionals all too well that he would have to be “pushed” to do those things that were hard for him. Well, they were wrong. He has worked on all those difficult things, in his own way, on his own timetable, and for his own reasons. I’ve also learned that what most of the professionals do is no different from what an observant, caring parent does, mostly modeling whatever skill they are trying to “teach” and trying different approaches until one works. With a lot of patience and a little research and a lot more patience, you can do it, too.

Not all situations will lead to successfully home educating a child with special needs. Every child, but especially special needs children, need their home to be a haven, a place where they know that they are loved and honored and cherished unconditionally. If the child’s needs are such that the family cannot maintain this attitude and at the same time deal with the educational needs, then it’s far more important that home be a haven. Some families simply need the respite that some hours away from home provide. (For us, school created more problems than the little so-called respite it gave.) If a parent’s ego is too involved in the child’s performance to step back and out of that performance, they may not be able to homeschool that child, whether that child has special needs or not. Some children’s needs are overwhelming, and no one person could meet them twenty-four hours a day seven days a week. Sometimes you have to consider the needs of other family members and say, “This is all I can do now.” For all of these and myriad other reasons, families may decide not to homeschool a special needs child while doing so with other children. Only they know what will work for them. But just as I always remind people considering homeschooling for the first time, it is not a one-time, irrevocable decision. Circumstances change; you can be alert to those