The Judy Moody Double-Rare Collection - Megan Mcdonald [19]
“That’s ’cause I’m scared of what you might do to me!”
“I have a better idea.” Judy went straight to Toady’s aquarium. “Operation Toady! You hold him down, Stink, and I’ll make the incision.”
“The what?”
“The cut. Hel-lo? It’s an oper-a-tion.”
“You’re loony tunes!” Stink said. “You can’t cut Toady open.”
“I’ll stitch him back up. C’mon. Just one small, teensy-weensy snip?”
“N-O, no! Give me him!”
“It’s the only way to see toad insides. Admit it, Stink. You want to see toad guts.”
“Not this toad’s guts.” Stink rushed over to his desk and rooted around in the top drawer. He held up a cardboard badge that said ASPCA: SAVING LIVES SINCE 1866.
“Busted!” said Stink, holding the badge up to Judy’s face. “It’s against the law to be mean to animals or hurt them. Ever. Just show them respect and kindness. You’re not even supposed to let your dog drink out of the toilet.”
“I don’t have a dog. And Mouse doesn’t drink out of the toilet!”
“Good. If she did, you’d go to jail.”
“I was just going to practice on Toady. Not put him in the toilet!”
“You’re not allowed to test stuff out on animals. You’re supposed to test on beans. Or pumpkins. People who make soap and shampoo and underpants and stuff are always testing it on animals, and the animals get hurt or even die.”
“Stink, nobody makes animals wear underpants.”
“Yah-huh. They do. No lie. It makes me really sad and mad that people do stuff to animals. I’m so sad and so mad I’m . . . smad!”
“Okay, okay! Don’t be smad. I cross-my-heart promise I won’t shampoo Toady or make him wear underpants or anything. I just wish I had something really good for Sharing tomorrow. Something nobody’s ever seen. Something human.”
“Like what?”
“Like Einstein’s brain. A hair from Abraham Lincoln’s beard. Or Grandma Lou’s kidney stone, if only she had saved it.”
“Put a kidney bean in a jar and say it’s Einstein’s brain. You could say it’s a human bean, get it?”
“Hardee-har-har, Stink.”
“I have some baby teeth. Teeth are human.”
“Everybody’s seen baby teeth, Stink.”
“I have a toenail collection.”
“Bor-ing.”
“Wait! I do have a body part.”
“What? What is it? Can I have it?”
“Nope. I’m not showing you ’cause you’ll want it bad.”
“Is it a finger? Or an ear?”
“NO!”
“A bone?”
“Nope.”
“Is it skin? Like you peel off when you get sunburned?”
“Nope.”
“Is it a cavity? You know, like in a tooth?”
“Nope.”
“C’mon, Stinker. You HAVE to show me.”
“Okay, but promise you won’t SHOW or TELL anybody, and you can’t take it to school, okay?”
“Cross-my-heart promise,” said Judy. Stink went over to his closet. He pulled down a dusty box from the shelf. A box with all his baby stuff.
“Hurry up. I can’t stand it!” said Judy. Stink opened the box and took out a baby-food jar. There was something in the jar. Something that looked like a shriveled-up, shrunken dead worm.
“Yee-uck. What is it? A petrified worm? Or one-hundred-year-old burnt spaghetti?”
“No, Einstein. It’s my bellybutton!”
“Your bellybutton?”
“You know. That thing that falls off your bellybutton when you’re born.”
“For real and true?”
“Yes, for real. When Mom brought me home from the hospital —”
“But you were born in a Jeep!”
“You know what I mean. When I came home, I had a thing on my bellybutton. You have to wait for it to fall off. Mom said you wanted to keep it.”
“Me? So, then, really it’s mine?”
“NO! It’s my body part. I used to be an outie. Now I’m an innie.” Stink lifted up his shirt. “See?”
“RARE!” said Judy. “I can’t wait for my class”— Stink gave her a starey, glarey look —“to NOT know about this. Ever.”
Stink put the jar with his wormy old burnt-spaghetti bellybutton on the desk. “You know what’s so great about this bellybutton?”
“What?” asked Judy.
“That you don’t have one!” said Stink. He laughed himself silly. “But if you give me a million dollars, I’ll let you take my bellybutton to school.”
“How about five dollars?”
“A million dollars or you’ll never, not ever, touch my bellybutton!” said Stink.
Wednesday. Wednesday