The Last Victim_ A True-Life Journey Into the Mind of the Serial Killer - Jason Moss [36]
I’d studied Gacy’s ideas about sexuality at length and knew he was in great denial about his homosexuality. Like so many serial killers, he was the type of person who tries to destroy in others the part of himself he most wishes to disown. His theory was that everyone is bisexual and wants to act on those tendencies, given the opportunity. He also believed that most older men are inclined to seduce younger ones, whether they’re enlightened enough to do so or not.
Since Gacy considered me attractive, he assumed men were hitting on me daily. I came to realize that some of the places where he thought I should have been approached were actually ones where he’d begun to fantasize I’d be approached. “Never been hit on being in sports?” he asked me. “That’s hard to believe.”
Gacy believed it was virtually impossible for me to have played sports for so many years and not have been seduced by a coach or a parent. I eventually concluded that, if I didn’t come up with a story regarding a seduction during my athletic career, my overall credibility would be in doubt.
It seemed clear that, after having spent fourteen years in prison, Gacy was even more sadistic, perverse, and sexually driven than before he arrived. Even in his fifties, he appeared to be more dangerous and aggressive than ever. Without a way to vent his twisted desires, the pressure of his fantasies was building to extreme levels.
He wanted me to see how innocent and natural homosexual encounters actually were. In his letter of December 28, 1993, he described his first voluntary experience since being sexually abused as a child.
Regarding my first encounter, I was 22. He and I went to dinner after work. His conversation was about sex, I assume feeling me out. He said that when he goes out he has a 100% chance of finding something while I only have 50%. I asked him to explain. He said if I went out and couldn’t find a female then I would go home and jack it off, whereas with him if he doesn’t find a female, he finds a guy to get him off.
Then the drinks came faster and by the time we left I was high, but I drove him to his place. He asked me in for coffee, instead we had another drink or two. I passed out on the sofa, but awoke like in a dream with something wet down between my legs. In the dark room I could see his head, but didn’t move as he had all seven inches in his warm wet mouth going up and down and under the crown of my cut head.
He seemed to know all the right spots as he had me lifting my hips as I fed his mouth until it went off like a firecracker, and flooded his mouth, and dripped from the sides. He continued to lick it clean, returned my pants up and went off to bed. I awoke in the morning never saying a word. Had coffee and went home and took a shower and jacked it off again. Never has any girls gotten me off as well. It was nearly a year before I encountered it again and then it was mutual and while drinking. But that’s an excuse anyway just like your doing it with a TV [transvestite] even not knowing you liked it and that’s all that counts.
Besides the obvious—Gacy’s fondness for graphic sexual imagery—the other thing that struck me about this letter and others that followed was that they were grammatical disasters. Despite his background—Gacy had been a well-off community leader prior to being incarcerated—he churned out pages of botched prose that showed him to be basically uneducated. It was yet another example of his presenting a certain face to the world while being something else entirely.
Before signing off, Gacy mentioned something that would change the course of our relationship from that point onward. He jokingly wrote, “Too bad you don’t have a phone, as I could call collect sometime where you can ask your questions during the story. Ha ha.”
I thought to myself, Wow! This is incredible! The guy wants to talk to me on the phone. I couldn’t believe