The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy [88]
hung insensible over the side of the bed, his knuckles reclining upon the handle of the chamber-pot, which peep'd out beyond the valance--his right leg (his left being drawn up towards his body) hung half over the side of the bed, the edge of it pressing upon his shin bone--He felt it not. A fix'd, inflexible sorrow took possession of every line of his face.--He sigh'd once--heaved his breast often--but uttered not a word.
An old set-stitch'd chair, valanced and fringed around with party coloured worsted bobs, stood at the bed's head, opposite to the side where my father's head reclined.--My uncle Toby sat him down in it.
Before an affliction is digested--consolation ever comes too soon;--and after it is digested--it comes too late: so that you see, madam, there is but a mark between these two, as fine almost as a hair, for a comforter to take aim at:--my uncle Toby was always either on this side, or on that of it, and would often say, he believed in his heart he could as soon hit the longitude; for this reason, when he sat down in the chair, he drew the curtain a little forwards, and having a tear at every one's service--he pull'd out a cambrick handkerchief--gave a low sigh--but held his peace.
Chapter 2.XXIII.
--'All is not gain that is got into the purse.'--So that notwithstanding my father had the happiness of reading the oddest books in the universe, and had moreover, in himself, the oddest way of thinking that ever man in it was bless'd with, yet it had this drawback upon him after all--that it laid him open to some of the oddest and most whimsical distresses; of which this particular one, which he sunk under at present, is as strong an example as can be given.
No doubt, the breaking down of the bridge of a child's nose, by the edge of a pair of forceps--however scientifically applied--would vex any man in the world, who was at so much pains in begetting a child, as my father was--yet it will not account for the extravagance of his affliction, nor will it justify the un-christian manner he abandoned and surrendered himself up to.
To explain this, I must leave him upon the bed for half an hour--and my uncle Toby in his old fringed chair sitting beside him.
Chapter 2.XXIV.
--I think it a very unreasonable demand--cried my great-grandfather, twisting up the paper, and throwing it upon the table.--By this account, madam, you have but two thousand pounds fortune, and not a shilling more-- and you insist upon having three hundred pounds a year jointure for it.--
--'Because,' replied my great-grandmother, 'you have little or no nose, Sir.'--
Now before I venture to make use of the word Nose a second time--to avoid all confusion in what will be said upon it, in this interesting part of my story, it may not be amiss to explain my own meaning, and define, with all possible exactness and precision, what I would willingly be understood to mean by the term: being of opinion, that 'tis owing to the negligence and perverseness of writers in despising this precaution, and to nothing else-- that all the polemical writings in divinity are not as clear and demonstrative as those upon a Will o' the Wisp, or any other sound part of philosophy, and natural pursuit; in order to which, what have you to do, before you set out, unless you intend to go puzzling on to the day of judgment--but to give the world a good definition, and stand to it, of the main word you have most occasion for--changing it, Sir, as you would a guinea, into small coin?--which done--let the father of confusion puzzle you, if he can; or put a different idea either into your head, or your reader's head, if he knows how.
In books of strict morality and close reasoning, such as I am engaged in-- the neglect is inexcusable; and Heaven is witness, how the world has revenged itself upon me for leaving so many openings to equivocal strictures--and for depending so much as I have done, all along, upon the cleanliness of my readers imaginations.
--Here are two senses, cried Eugenius, as we walk'd along, pointing with the fore finger
An old set-stitch'd chair, valanced and fringed around with party coloured worsted bobs, stood at the bed's head, opposite to the side where my father's head reclined.--My uncle Toby sat him down in it.
Before an affliction is digested--consolation ever comes too soon;--and after it is digested--it comes too late: so that you see, madam, there is but a mark between these two, as fine almost as a hair, for a comforter to take aim at:--my uncle Toby was always either on this side, or on that of it, and would often say, he believed in his heart he could as soon hit the longitude; for this reason, when he sat down in the chair, he drew the curtain a little forwards, and having a tear at every one's service--he pull'd out a cambrick handkerchief--gave a low sigh--but held his peace.
Chapter 2.XXIII.
--'All is not gain that is got into the purse.'--So that notwithstanding my father had the happiness of reading the oddest books in the universe, and had moreover, in himself, the oddest way of thinking that ever man in it was bless'd with, yet it had this drawback upon him after all--that it laid him open to some of the oddest and most whimsical distresses; of which this particular one, which he sunk under at present, is as strong an example as can be given.
No doubt, the breaking down of the bridge of a child's nose, by the edge of a pair of forceps--however scientifically applied--would vex any man in the world, who was at so much pains in begetting a child, as my father was--yet it will not account for the extravagance of his affliction, nor will it justify the un-christian manner he abandoned and surrendered himself up to.
To explain this, I must leave him upon the bed for half an hour--and my uncle Toby in his old fringed chair sitting beside him.
Chapter 2.XXIV.
--I think it a very unreasonable demand--cried my great-grandfather, twisting up the paper, and throwing it upon the table.--By this account, madam, you have but two thousand pounds fortune, and not a shilling more-- and you insist upon having three hundred pounds a year jointure for it.--
--'Because,' replied my great-grandmother, 'you have little or no nose, Sir.'--
Now before I venture to make use of the word Nose a second time--to avoid all confusion in what will be said upon it, in this interesting part of my story, it may not be amiss to explain my own meaning, and define, with all possible exactness and precision, what I would willingly be understood to mean by the term: being of opinion, that 'tis owing to the negligence and perverseness of writers in despising this precaution, and to nothing else-- that all the polemical writings in divinity are not as clear and demonstrative as those upon a Will o' the Wisp, or any other sound part of philosophy, and natural pursuit; in order to which, what have you to do, before you set out, unless you intend to go puzzling on to the day of judgment--but to give the world a good definition, and stand to it, of the main word you have most occasion for--changing it, Sir, as you would a guinea, into small coin?--which done--let the father of confusion puzzle you, if he can; or put a different idea either into your head, or your reader's head, if he knows how.
In books of strict morality and close reasoning, such as I am engaged in-- the neglect is inexcusable; and Heaven is witness, how the world has revenged itself upon me for leaving so many openings to equivocal strictures--and for depending so much as I have done, all along, upon the cleanliness of my readers imaginations.
--Here are two senses, cried Eugenius, as we walk'd along, pointing with the fore finger