The Lost - J. D. Robb [139]
She tossed the bits of paper into a wastebasket before turning to him. Though she longed to reach out and touch him, she dared not, for fear of losing what little courage she had left. “Listen to me, Ross. You and Cullen love each other. And why not? You’re his true son.”
“And he’s more a father to me than my own ever was.”
“Without you, Cullen would have never become what he is today.”
Ross was shaking his head. “You’ve got it wrong. Without Cullen, I’d still be a street tough, probably living out my years in prison. Maybe I ought to tell you the kind of life I led before Cullen took me in.”
“There’s no need. He told me.”
“But you don’t . . .”
She placed a finger to his lips to still his words. The warmth of his skin beneath her fingertip caused a tiny thrill to race along her spine. “I know that because of Cullen, you’ve become a better man. And because of you, so has he. You became his reason for living, for growing as a person. That’s what family does for family. Whether I’m related or not, I can never love Cullen the way you do. I can never impact Cullen’s life the way you have.”
“And for that you’d just leave?”
“That isn’t why.” She shook her head. “Why should I have a claim on his estate? Does it make sense to hand all this over to me because of a mistake that was made two generations ago? Don’t you see? You have to let me go.”
“There’s something else going on here.” Ross bit off each word for emphasis. “What you’re planning is selfish and cruel, and now that I know you so well, I know that’s not something you’re capable of being. You’re kind and thoughtful and generous, but never cruel.”
She looked away, wondering how to make him understand. “It would be even more selfish to claim what isn’t mine. I can’t be what Cullen wants me to be. I can’t stay here. I can’t claim any of this, when it’s rightfully yours. If I leave, everything between you and Cullen will remain as it was.”
For the longest moment he merely stared at her, as the truth of her words dawned. She was turning her back on all of this because of him.
Ross felt a surge of such blinding love blooming in his heart, it had him by the throat until he could barely catch his breath.
She loved him. She was doing all of this because she loved him. Completely. Unselfishly.
Hadn’t he truly believed that such love was impossible in this world?
He fought to speak over the rock that had formed in his throat, threatening to choke him. “Aidan, all of this is Cullen’s. To do with as he pleases.”
“But he’s left it to you. The son he always wanted.” She felt tears sting her eyes and blinked furiously to keep from weeping. “And now I’ve come along and messed up everything. This is all a big mistake.”
“A mistake?” His eyes were hot and fierce. “Was the love we shared last night a mistake? What about the feelings we have for each other? Are you saying that’s a mistake, too?”
When she didn’t answer he clenched his hands at his sides. He wanted to shake her until she came to her senses.
He wanted to hold her. Just hold her. But not yet. Not just yet. They needed to get all of this out in the open and put behind them.
“All of this . . .” She swept her hand. “Ireland. This lovely estate. That fairy-tale town filled with good, hard-working people . . . It’s all a lovely dream, but for me, it’s just that. A dream. Now it’s time for the truth.”
“Yes. The truth.” He fought to keep his tone even. “Think you can handle it?”
When she said nothing he went on. “I want you to stay, Aidan. Not for Cullen, but for me.”
“I can’t stay. I told you, I’m . . .”
“I know. Determined to do the noble thing and step aside so that all this can be mine.” He fought down the wild swirl of emotions threatening to swamp him. He would have sworn he could hear music playing. An orchestra, the sound growing, swelling in his heart. A heart that had been battered by anger and mistrust, and locked tightly against any hint of trust or tenderness for all of his adult life. “The truth is, you love me. You’re ready to step aside because you want what’s best for me.”
Aidan refused to look