The Middle Class Gentleman [10]
my daughter when a suitable match comes along, but I also want to learn about fine things.
NICOLE: I heard said, Madame, that today he took a Philosophy Master to thicken the soup!
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Very well. I have a wish to have wit and to reason about things with decent people.
MADAME JOURDAIN: Don't you intend, one of these days, to go to school and have yourself whipped at your age?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why not? Would to God I were whipped this minute in front of everyone, if I only knew what they learn at school!
NICOLE: Yes, my faith! That would get you into better shape.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Without doubt.
MADAME JOURDAIN: All this is very important to the management of your house.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Assuredly. You both talk like beasts, and I'm ashamed of your ignorance. For example, do you know what are you speaking just now?
MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, I know that what I'm saying is well said and that you ought to be considering living in another way.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm not talking about that. I'm asking if you know what the words are that you are saying here?
MADAME JOURDAIN: They are words that are very sensible, and your conduct is scarcely so.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm not talking about that, I tell you. I'm asking you: what is it that I'm speaking to you this minute, what is it?
MADAME JOURDAIN: Nonsense.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no! That's not it. What is it we are both saying, what language is it that we are speaking right now?
MADAME JOURDAIN: Well?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What is it called?
MADAME JOURDAIN: It's called whatever you want.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's prose, you ignorant creature.
MADAME JOURDAIN: Prose?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, prose. Everything is prose that is not verse; and everything that's not verse is prose. There! This is what it is to study! And you (to Nicole), do you know what you must do to say U?
NICOLE: What?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Say U, in order to see.
NICOLE: Oh Well, U.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What do you do?
NICOLE: I say U.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but, when you say U, what do you do?
NICOLE: I do what you tell me to.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh, how strange it is to have to deal with morons! You thrust your lips out and bring your lower jaw to your upper jaw: U, see? U. Do you see? I make a pout: U.
NICOLE: Yes, that's beautiful.
MADAME JOURDAIN: How admirable.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But it's quite another thing, if you have seen O, and D, D, and F, F.
MADAME JOURDAIN: What is all this rigmarole?
NICOLE: What does all this do for us?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It enrages me when I see these ignorant women.
MADAME JOURDAIN: Go, go, you ought to send all those people packing with their foolishness.
NICOLE: And above all, that great gawk of a Fencing Master, who ruins all my work with dust.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well! This Fencing Master seems to get under your skin. I'll soon show you how impertinent you are.(He has the foils brought and gives one to Nicole). There. Demonstration: The line of the body. When your opponent thrusts in quarte, you need only do this, and when they thrust in tierce, you need only do this. That is the way never to be killed, and isn't it fine to be assured of what one does, when fighting against someone? There, thrust at me a little, to see.
NICOLE: Well then, what? (Nicole thrusts, giving him several hits).
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Easy! Wait! Oh! Gently! Devil take the hussy!
NICOLE: You told me to thrust.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but you thrust in tierce, before you thrust in quarte, and you didn't have the patience to let me parry.
MADAME JOURDAIN: You are a fool, husband, with all your fantasies, and this has come to you since you took a notion to associate with the nobility.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: When I associate with the nobility, I show my good judgment; and that's better than associating with your shopkeepers.
MADAME JOURDAIN: Oh yes, truly! There's a great deal to gain by consorting with your nobles, and you did so well with your fine Count you were so taken with!
NICOLE: I heard said, Madame, that today he took a Philosophy Master to thicken the soup!
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Very well. I have a wish to have wit and to reason about things with decent people.
MADAME JOURDAIN: Don't you intend, one of these days, to go to school and have yourself whipped at your age?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Why not? Would to God I were whipped this minute in front of everyone, if I only knew what they learn at school!
NICOLE: Yes, my faith! That would get you into better shape.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Without doubt.
MADAME JOURDAIN: All this is very important to the management of your house.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Assuredly. You both talk like beasts, and I'm ashamed of your ignorance. For example, do you know what are you speaking just now?
MADAME JOURDAIN: Yes, I know that what I'm saying is well said and that you ought to be considering living in another way.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm not talking about that. I'm asking if you know what the words are that you are saying here?
MADAME JOURDAIN: They are words that are very sensible, and your conduct is scarcely so.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: I'm not talking about that, I tell you. I'm asking you: what is it that I'm speaking to you this minute, what is it?
MADAME JOURDAIN: Nonsense.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: No, no! That's not it. What is it we are both saying, what language is it that we are speaking right now?
MADAME JOURDAIN: Well?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What is it called?
MADAME JOURDAIN: It's called whatever you want.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It's prose, you ignorant creature.
MADAME JOURDAIN: Prose?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, prose. Everything is prose that is not verse; and everything that's not verse is prose. There! This is what it is to study! And you (to Nicole), do you know what you must do to say U?
NICOLE: What?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Say U, in order to see.
NICOLE: Oh Well, U.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: What do you do?
NICOLE: I say U.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but, when you say U, what do you do?
NICOLE: I do what you tell me to.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Oh, how strange it is to have to deal with morons! You thrust your lips out and bring your lower jaw to your upper jaw: U, see? U. Do you see? I make a pout: U.
NICOLE: Yes, that's beautiful.
MADAME JOURDAIN: How admirable.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: But it's quite another thing, if you have seen O, and D, D, and F, F.
MADAME JOURDAIN: What is all this rigmarole?
NICOLE: What does all this do for us?
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: It enrages me when I see these ignorant women.
MADAME JOURDAIN: Go, go, you ought to send all those people packing with their foolishness.
NICOLE: And above all, that great gawk of a Fencing Master, who ruins all my work with dust.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Well! This Fencing Master seems to get under your skin. I'll soon show you how impertinent you are.(He has the foils brought and gives one to Nicole). There. Demonstration: The line of the body. When your opponent thrusts in quarte, you need only do this, and when they thrust in tierce, you need only do this. That is the way never to be killed, and isn't it fine to be assured of what one does, when fighting against someone? There, thrust at me a little, to see.
NICOLE: Well then, what? (Nicole thrusts, giving him several hits).
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Easy! Wait! Oh! Gently! Devil take the hussy!
NICOLE: You told me to thrust.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: Yes, but you thrust in tierce, before you thrust in quarte, and you didn't have the patience to let me parry.
MADAME JOURDAIN: You are a fool, husband, with all your fantasies, and this has come to you since you took a notion to associate with the nobility.
MONSIEUR JOURDAIN: When I associate with the nobility, I show my good judgment; and that's better than associating with your shopkeepers.
MADAME JOURDAIN: Oh yes, truly! There's a great deal to gain by consorting with your nobles, and you did so well with your fine Count you were so taken with!