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By Root 685 0

is, if it’s someone you actually know, you might accidentally get obsessed with them and get all creepy. We don’t want awkwardness and restraining orders in our master plan. Once you have that image, imagine yourself with that person. Imagine what it would be like, and what it would take for you to get that person’s attention. (NO SHOOTINGS ALLOWED. I’m looking at YOU, Hinckley.) You’ll most likely feel a tingly rush and a surprising amount of “get up and go!” A can-do attitude that is ready to spring into action to make this union happen. Now assume that whatever goal you have or task you need to complete will get you that much closer to making the relationship a reality. The other benefit of picking someone famousy is that, because it’s a fantasy, it will free your mind from limiting yourself. People come up with fantastic ideas when in fantasy mode because in a fantasy anything is possible so you tend to get more creative. Some of those fantasies you’ll find are actually attainable, but you never would have allowed yourself to think outside the box while living in reality. Here’s a great nonsexual example: The fantastic geek merch site Think Geek.com would come up with fake products to “sell” on April Fool’s Day. On April 1, 2009, the Nerd and Geek communities came together in their mutual holy-shittedness when they awoke to see the Tauntaun sleeping bag. The Tauntaun, I’m sure you know, is an omnivorous bipedal reptomammal indigenous to the ice planet Hoth, and in Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, Han Solo cuts one open and shoves Luke inside to keep him warm, effectively using it as a sleeping bag. Of course, it wasn’t Think Geek’s intention to sell them originally, just to trick Nerds, so they designed products with no limitations. They didn’t have to worry about how the thing would get made, only that it would be a supercool Nerd fantasy product. Of course, the outcry was enormous and they ultimately found a way to make and sell them (smell not included).

A career founded on the evil genius platform can be as satisfying as it is lucrative. Intense, guided passion aimed at a nearly limitless goal is the idea. Once you pick a direction, unleash the fury that is you. They’ll pay! OHHHH, how they’ll all pay . . . You’ll do things because your work will be valuable! And as I said before, success is THE BEST revenge with the least likelihood of jail time. Now that you are resolved (possibly) to begin crafting your nefarious (figuratively speaking) plans in your lair (literal), let us put those wheels in motion with the driveshaft of intention, THE CHECKLIST.

MASTERING YOUR DOMINION (A CHECKLIST)

΢ Pick a person or event that dominated you and made you feel small.

΢ Aim your rage and insecurities at that entity (but only in your mind, DO NOT hunt them down for reals).

΢ Come up with a goal: What ultimate thing do you want? Think big. You can always pare it down later. Write it down in your Character Tome. Cackle if necessary.

΢ Come up with a handful of ways you could achieve this goal. The more detail, the better. Wring hands together with accompanying cackles of increasing volume and length.

΢ Make a commitment to execute at least one action every day to move you toward this triumph.

΢ Transform your workstation into a lair or much smaller lairette.

΢ Post an image of said person or event in said lair or lairette.

΢ Whenever you feel lazy, or like you want to give up, look at that image and say or think, “No, fuck YOU” or “Curses! Ya ain’t gonna bleed me, ya ruddy drip!” (if you prefer the drama of ’30s gangsterisms to simple swears).

΢ Decide that you shall prevail no matter what. (This is most important.)

΢ Toast yourself in triumph. Monologue your plan to your pets if need be.

΢ Repeat as necessary.

TRACKING YOUR FINANCES

In my twenties—before I was responsible (presponsible?)—I had ruined my credit. Scorched-earth kind of stuff. Why am I bringing this up in Part 3 “Time Management”? Because I NEVER paid stuff on time, sometimes because I didn’t have enough funds,