The New Eve - Lewis Robert [39]
Research tells us that 85 percent of college women agree with the statement that “being married is important to me.”1 But then these same young women put off marriage during the very season when there is the best opportunity for finding it. They pursue careers and personal freedom instead. The thinking behind these decisions, of course, is the confidence that they can settle down with a man later on. But when later on arrives, what they may discover is that well-established habits plus the lack of eligible males have left them either alone or hard to live with.
Research also tells us that “89% of young, high-achieving women believe that they will be able to get pregnant in their 40s.”2 But again, the truth is, by that time they have already missed out on their primary childbearing season—ages twenty to thirty. After forty they have at best only a 5 percent chance of pregnancy. And that typically comes only with costly, difficult, drawn-out medical intervention.
So what to do? In exploring the lives of many of today's most successful women, Sylvia Ann Hewlett summed up all she learned about these women and their life choices. She offered young women the following practical advice to help them avoid deep regret in the second half of their lives.
Figure out what you want your life to look like at age forty-five, both personally and professionally; then live your life to that end.
Give urgent priority to finding a life partner. This project is extremely time-sensitive and deserves your special attention in your twenties.
Have your first child before you are thirty-five.
Choose a career that will give you both the gift of time and the help you need to achieve a work/life balance.
Avoid professions with rigid career trajectories.3
Some women may be quick to react to and speak out against these suggestions as regressive for women. But a woman who keeps in mind the big picture of life will take the time to explore the wisdom of Hewlett's advice. Freedoms, opportunities, and responsibilities all ebb and flow according to the rhythms of specific seasons God has designed for life. A wise woman will choose to flow with these seasons, not against them. She will seek to discern what each season offers and requires of her; then she will adjust and focus her life to make the most of it. She knows if she does this, it will also help launch a successful next season rather than undercut it with poor choices.
I believe there are typically ten seasons of life. Individually and collectively, they present a balanced and coordinated bigger picture of life that every woman would be wise to keep in mind.
As you look over these ten seasons of life, let me point out that beginning with season 3, divorce or the untimely death of a spouse can greatly alter the dynamics of the seasons that follow. So can remaining single and never marrying or finding oneself unable to have children. We will speak to some of these experiences in the next chapter. For now I'll address the standard flow of life through the first five seasons of a woman's life and offer guidance for living wisely through each unfolding season.
Single Adult
In the movie The Terminal Tom Hanks portrays Viktor Navorski, an eastern European who is forced to live in the JFK airport because while he was flying over the Atlantic, his home country ceased to exist through a military coup. He deplanes only to find that his visa is void and his money worthless. Worse still, Viktor is not permitted to exit the terminal and enter America, nor is he able to return home. He's stranded between destinations because he doesn't belong anywhere.
Single adulthood can feel a lot like that. You've left childhood behind, but without marriage and children your adulthood probably feels incomplete. Your life is lived at an interchange. People come and go. Some befriend you. Others date you. But as time