The New Eve - Lewis Robert [47]
When a mom refuses to let go of her son but instead over-nurtures and overmothers him, one of two bad things may happen. First, she may inadvertently train her son to fear closeness with a woman. That's because closeness to Mom brought with it her control and smothering love. Therefore, for his masculinity and sense of autonomy to survive, the son must constantly push his mother away and rebel against her excessive involvement. But in doing so, he also learns at this impressionable age to fear all feminine love as a threat to self. Later as adults, men like this can successfully relate only to women they can dominate. No giving in. No compromise. No getting too close. No talking back. Just do as I say. This is how such men feel safe with women. It's a survivalist tactic they learned at home in their relationship with Mom.
Second, a mother who bonds too deeply with her son may breed an overly feminized man. Rather than fight against his mother's control, this son instead wholeheartedly embraces it and lets it rob him of his emerging manhood. For that, he will remain a boy emotionally even as he grows into a man physically. Instead of leading and caring for the women in his life, he will instead look to them to do these things for him—exactly as Mom did. Today America is full of such men. They are soft, passive, noninitiating males who have lost the will to be men because they yielded to moms who loved and cared too much to let them grow up. The wise mother understands that her God-given mandate is to prepare her children for autonomous living. Family relationships are never meant to be broken, but the emotional umbilical cord tying mother and child tightly together has to be cut in this season of life.
Then there's work. If you have been a stay-at-home mom, now might be the time for you to consider reengaging your career either part-time or full-time. With your children stretching toward newfound autonomy, this season provides the opportunity to think beyond childrearing. You've been away from the workplace for a while, and no doubt your first steps will feel tentative and untrained, but courage and diligence can move you forward again. You might think of the Proverbs 31 woman in this context. She certainly cared for her family's needs, but she was also industrious (as you can be) in other spheres as well. In verses 10–27 we read of her daily routine.
An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles