The New Eve - Lewis Robert [50]
As I write, Shirley's daughters have all grown up to be mature Christian women—women who have learned a lot from their mother. Meanwhile, Shirley is changing lives by actively pursuing other young women who are interested in spiritually intimate, honest relationships. Mentoring is a great way to invest your life and advance God's kingdom.
Married, and You're an In-Law and Grandparent!
In this season your family has expanded. And with that expansion you have been given new roles and new responsibilities. There are also new rules to play by.
Some women really struggle here. They have trouble adjusting to the “strangers” their children bring home as mates as well as the new values, new ways of doing things, new schedules, and new identities that come with them. Maybe your daughter has picked up new interests you care little for. Maybe she's going to spend this Christmas with her husband's family and not, as she's always done, with you. Or maybe your son's politics have shifted away from yours. In these situations, it's easy to become the notorious mother-in-law who criticizes, controls, demands, intrudes, violates, and never lets go.
Be careful here. You want to start right and stay right. This is a time for establishing new, healthy boundaries between you and your children's marriages and for building strong, accepting relationships with their spouses. For instance, it blesses a son when you reach out to the young woman he's chosen to spend his life with and genuinely embrace her. Best of all is when you present an attitude that says, “How can I support, help, and bless you?” (1 Pet. 3:8–11).
Your grandparent role is vital too. Unfortunately, I never had the opportunity to connect with my grandparents when I was growing up. All but one of them had died by the time I was old enough to be aware of them, and the surviving one, Granny, was a bedridden invalid. So I missed out on experiencing the powerful role my grandparents could play.
My kids were much more blessed. They had grandparents who both loved them and were involved in their lives. And what a difference that made! Their presence has given my children a greater sense of connectedness, shared values, heritage, and legacy, not to mention a bigger perspective on life.
So as a grandmother, your work on your family's behalf is not finished. In new and refreshing ways you can make your life count for your grandchildren's betterment. Slip them a dose of wisdom every chance you get. Wrap it in holiday cakes, birthday cards, and warm words. Be a model of love and encouragement. Tell your grandchildren stories of your life. Lots of them. I will always treasure the memories of my mom mesmerizing my children with tales of growing up in a small Louisiana town: her rides on her pony, Buttermilk; digging up arrowheads in her backyard; her Jewish friends who opened her eyes to the larger world; and the account of Charles Lindbergh landing his plane in a bean field near her home. In everything show your grandchildren how life can finish with strength and dignity. In doing so, you will leave your mark on the next generation.
You can mentor people outside your family too. I hope by now this is already happening. Remember, you were designed for this (Titus 2:3–5; 2 Tim. 2:2). And by this phase of life, you should be well armed with both spiritual wisdom and countless life experiences that add wit and insight to your outlook for helping younger people better live their lives.
Late-in-Life Widow
“A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty.”2 These are the words Philippe Ariès used to describe the grief and displacement that follow the death of a loved one. It's