The New Eve - Lewis Robert [51]
Novelist Joan Didion is one such woman. As Ariès would say, Didion's world emptied shortly after Christmas 2003 when her husband, author John Gregory Dunne, died of heart seizure at the dinner table. Didion came home from the emergency room and tried to carry on as before.
The problem is, she kept trying to carry on exactly as before, as if John were due to arrive momentarily. She left his desk untouched. Open books remained so, ready for John's probing eye. His clothes and shoes were kept in place. He was coming home. It took Didion months to see the absurdity of her actions. She had forsaken the future for the past, something that's easy to do in this season of life.4
God cares for widows, and the Bible accordingly has a lot to say about them. Indeed, much of 1 Timothy 5 is specifically devoted to discussing the subject of older and younger widows. Younger widows, according to the apostle Paul's instruction, should seek to reenter married life (1 Tim. 5:14–15). Their mind-set needs to be more “single” than “widow.” That means dating again; focusing on a career; and preparing for marriage again, possibly even kids. Paul's message is clear: God wants younger widows to reengage in mainstream life as much as possible rather than languish as untimely victims. My friend Sandy Bone, whose story I told in the opening of this chapter, is a prime example of how this can be done.
Older widows (those over sixty years old, according to Paul; 1 Tim. 5:9) will have a different rhythm. Life's opportunities have narrowed. It's not that remarriage is out of the question. It's not. And it's wonderful when it happens. But for many, remarriage is not realistic or necessary. There are many other good things to live for: grandchildren, friends, serving others, various kinds of Kingdom work, mentoring, and prayer, to name a few. If these things have already been a meaningful part of your life as a woman, then these cultivated habits of the heart are not hard to expand on. If not, now is the time to expand your life beyond yourself.
The real oxygen of life is in giving. Nowhere is that better seen than in the last seasons of life. Selfishness doesn't work here. Nothing is more pitiful than a demanding, self-absorbed, grasping old person. You've seen this. A stingy old person is far more disturbing than the most self-absorbed child could ever be. On the other hand, few things are more radiant and vibrant than a loving, other-centered, grace-filled senior. Jesus was right. It is “more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). And nowhere is that truth illustrated more clearly than in the way people look and act as life is wrapping up.
For more than twenty-five years I have watched young people fill the home of Kitty Longstreth, a longtime widow. I have met few people as alive as Kitty. Now eighty-five, she has devoted her “alone years” to encouraging, praying for, and serving others. Many people in our community would say they owe their spiritual lives to Kitty. Almost any hour of the day, a young woman is at Kitty's house, where she is pointed to God. And as much as Kitty has blessed others, this posture of giving and loving has made her own life equally rich and meaningful.
So don't waste your life looking back as an older widow. Focus instead on the good you can yet do in life. Devote yourself to others. Love. Mentor. Befriend the friendless. Show the strength of a woman who believes God's promises and works to see their fulfillment in her life.
Glorified Saint
On this earth you made only the barest beginning to your life. You knew this. Your heart told you so. Your Bible said it too. You believed your greatest adventures and your best joys were being reserved for this last season of your life.
And now you're here!
It's bigger and better