The New Eve - Lewis Robert [64]
For a single woman who has a growing relationship with a man, certain kinds of physical contact can be appropriate. But any contact that tempts her or her man to yield to sexual relations is absolutely inappropriate. Always. That is where the boundary line must be drawn. And honestly, that boundary line can rarely go beyond occasional hugs, holding hands, and some light kissing. Beyond that lies trouble. And the wise single draws those lines long before any physical contact begins with a man.
For the married New Eve, sexual restraint is not the issue. Sexual fulfillment is. You must meet the sexual needs of your husband. Those needs are not just physical but emotional too. After addressing singles in 1 Corinthians 7, Paul then spoke to married women and said that a wife must fulfill her (sexual) duty to her husband (v. 3).
The word duty may sound a bit strong here, but Paul used it to make sure a wife embraces sexual fulfillment with her husband as that important. Willard Harley wrote, “When a man chooses a wife, he promises to remain faithful to her for life. He makes this commitment because he trusts her to be as sexually interested in him as he is in her… . Unfortunately in many marriages, the man finds putting his trust in this woman has turned into one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He has agreed to limit his sexual experience to a wife who is unwilling to meet that vital need.”5 Why is that? I believe it's because many wives have not seriously considered their husbands' sexual fulfillment as their duty. The Bible says it is.
What is it that sexually fulfills a husband the most? Are you ready for this? It's your satisfaction that satisfies him the most. When your husband knows he has performed in a way that succeeds with you and gives you pleasure, life could not be better. This is a huge emotional longing behind your husband's sexual drive.
Many wives would never guess this. They assume what a husband wants most is to please himself. Nothing could be further from the truth! I've asked thousands of husbands what gives them the greatest sexual pleasure in their marriages. Almost universally, they tell me their deepest fulfillment is not in what they get, but in how well they pleasure their wives. It's that performance-that-counts thing again.
So sexual fulfillment for a husband is directly related to his wife's enjoyment. A husband loves it when he knows his wife really enjoys his lovemaking by the way she responds to him and compliments him. When that happens, a man feels like a man. A real man. It's the wise wife who makes sure her husband has no doubt about his manhood when he leaves her bedside. This is the duty a New Eve freely embraces.
Admiration and respect, support for work and dreams, recreational companionship, and physical responsiveness—these are the four top male needs every woman should master if she is to live with a man in an understanding way.
Three Things besides Love
What are you looking for in a man? Every woman has her checklist. Some lists are detailed with a host of highly defined specifics; others are merely general outlines. Whatever your list looks like, here are three questions you must check off before making any serious commitment to a man.
1. What was his home life like growing up? That script is probably the script he'll bring with him into your marriage, so the more you know about his upbringing, the better. He'll refer to it unconsciously and automatically when he makes gut reactions or responds to pressure. So quiz him about his childhood. Was it good? Difficult? Troubled? What are his most dominant childhood memories? What about his relationships with his parents and siblings? Healthy or broken? Who impacted him the most? Mom? Dad? In what ways? Are there open sores with them that remain unhealed? What was his parents' marriage like? What did he learn from it?
You see, a man's past may be a source of great strength and blessing to your relationship. Good things early