The New Eve - Lewis Robert [65]
Unfortunately, you can't make him unpack that suitcase. It has to be his initiative, his commitment. But before marriage you should do a lot of probing. And if he's not interested in going there, odds are you'll be in for a rocky relationship at some point later on. But don't make it later on as in marriage. Know your man's past before you commit to marry him.
2. Is he a Christian? Scripture clearly forbids a Christian woman from being unequally yoked (that is, married) to a non-Christian (2 Cor. 6:14). Those who ignore this directive and eat this forbidden fruit will eventually taste the curse of this spiritual compromise. I have had hundreds of married women say the same thing to me: “If only he were a Christian …” In their voices is a tone of painful longing.
In his book The Clash of Civilizations, Harvard professor Samuel Huntington predicted in 1996 that the major cause of global conflicts in the future would be religious differences. He based that conclusion on his observation that religion is the heart of every major culture. Religion, he said, is the immovable right-and-wrong viewpoint people passionately cling to and want others to embrace, even if force is sometimes required. September 11 proved Huntington right. The greatest global tensions in our world occur when the religious belief systems of different cultures are forced to rub against one another. And what's true of cultures is true of people merged by marriage. When people of two different religions marry (even if the religion of one is secular or atheistic), trouble will soon arise along the lines where their conflicting religious views meet. It's inevitable. And just as radical Islam now seeks to terrorize the West for its beliefs, you can be sure that conflicting religious beliefs will terrorize your marriage. That's why the Bible warns you not to be unequally yoked.
3. What has his past performance been like? Why this question? Because past performance is your best eye into your man's future performance. We use this same principle when hiring staff at our church. Barring something drastic, the past usually repeats itself. What has been will be again. It's the eye to how you hire; it's also the eye to how you marry.
So if you're single and dating, look closely at your guy's past performance with you and with other women. Has he been moral or immoral? Has he cared for you, or have you taken care of him? Has he been wild and crazy or steady and predictable? What he has been, he will be again. Can't share his heart and feelings before marriage? Don't kid yourself. That won't change after marriage. Poor work habits before marriage? Same after you're married. Bad finances? Same again. You'll be wresting the checkbook from him and trying to manage the finances before your bank account bottoms out.
Now I'm not saying he cannot change. I'm only saying don't count on it. A wedding ring will not morph him into some newly minted white knight. And you won't change him either. Only he can change himself. His past is your best eye into the future.
Practice the 10 No-No's
1. Never commit to a man based on what he could be. Make sure he is what you want, or else you will spend the rest of your life trying to change him to what he should be, and you won't enjoy that any more than he will.
2. Never have sex with a man before marriage. Sex before marriage is not an advance for women's liberation; it's a man's liberation from responsibility and a woman's downfall. When you have sex with a man before marriage, you release him from his call to a greater commitment to you. You douse his noble, masculine instincts by inflaming