The New Eve - Lewis Robert [70]
What the Research Says
It's one thing for the Bible to set forth what it touts as God's design for marriage. It's another thing to ask, But is this really the best marriage arrangement? Is it the best for women? As any Eve knows, there's a host of other alternatives out there to pick from.
Sociologists Steven Nock and Brad Wilcox of the University of Virginia think they have some answers about which sorts of marriage models work best for women. Based on the findings of the National Survey of Families and Households, their research provides hard data on which type of marriage makes most women happiest.1 Let me summarize six of their conclusions that Wilcox gave in an interview with Christianity Today.
Wives are happiest when they experience their husband's emotional engagement. This means a husband is affectionate, sympathetic, and “tuned in” to his wife's key needs. Emotional engagement is by far and away the single most important factor in a woman's happiness in marriage.
Wives who are in neo-traditional marriages (where the husband has the lead for breadwinning and the wife has the lead for nurturing) are happier and more stable than wives in other less traditional marriages.
Wives who along with their husbands attend church on a weekly basis are happier in their marriages than other women. The idea that Christians are just as likely to divorce as non-Christians is not correct if regular church attendance is factored in. If so, such marriages are not only happier, but they are 35–50 percent less likely to end in divorce. Husbands who attend church regularly are also more likely to spend quality time with their wives and more likely to express affection to them than husbands who are not regular churchgoers.
Wives whose husbands earn the lion's share of the marriage income (at least 66 percent or more) are happier than other married women. They are also more likely to spend quality time with their husbands. When a husband is a good breadwinner, his wife is afforded more freedom and more life options, which contribute to her happiness.
Wives who have more traditional gender attitudes are significantly happier in their marriages than other women. They're also more likely to embrace the idea that men should take the primary lead in breadwinning and women should take the primary lead in nurturing the children, managing the home, and managing family life.
Wives whose husbands do a fair share of the housework are happier than other married women. It is extremely important that a wife considers the division of the housework to be fair to her. A sense of equity is important, but equity is not equality. Happy wives want things to be fair, but they don't equate fairness with equality.2
If you think all the points above seem to closely resemble the biblical marriage I outlined earlier, you're right. Whether they know it or not, Nock and Wilcox have generally described the marital blueprints God set down in His Word. These always have and always will produce the best marriages and the happiest wives.
Conclusion
What the Bible outlines as God's design for marriage has been a life-giving asset for Sherard and me. Despite a number of hard times, it has kept our marriage relationship strong, energized, and deeply unified.
This past Christmas all four of our children were able to be home with us, including Elizabeth's husband, Brent, and their son, Drew. For a few moments before opening presents, we each reflected back on the good things God had done in our lives for which we were grateful. It turned into a holy moment. Soon there were tears of joy flowing in all directions for the better things God had blessed our family with: answered prayers, significant life change, new freedom from bad habits, deeper relationships, a healthy baby, new understanding about life and God, and surprising, undeserved opportunities.