The New Eve - Lewis Robert [69]
When a man fulfills this role correctly, no one is happier than his wife. In more than thirty years of pastoral ministry, I have never once had a wife issue a complaint against a husband who leads in the way the Bible describes. Cheer, yes. Complain, no. On the other hand, the husband who uses the title of headship as a cover for control, dominance, or even abuse is not only not a head in the way the Bible sets forth but is instead a moral and spiritual failure. Let me make this clear: When it comes to a man's leadership in his home, male domination is never a teaching of the Bible. But headship is. It has been a married man's role since the beginning of time. And it requires from a man that he love, lead, protect, and provide for his wife and family with a servant's heart. Simply put, he is to lead as Jesus leads His church (Eph. 5:23). Headship is a demanding title that challenges every Christian husband to measure the day-to-day reality of his leadership by looking up to the ultimate Head.
Helper
Genesis 2 unveils the wife's role as helper. In verse 18 we read, “The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’”
Few situations can better illustrate the meaning of what God had in mind here than when a young bachelor marries. Go to his apartment or house before the wedding, and more than likely you will find a tasteless, colorless, Spartan environment. Just the basics … and a few electronic toys. A weight set, TV trays, and mismatched sofas circled around a fifty-inch plasma screen compose the living area. There is nothing green or alive anywhere. The bedroom is dormlike; the bathroom, radioactive; the kitchen, unused except for a well-worn microwave oven. This is man alone.
But then he marries. In the weeks and months that follow, a miraculous transformation occurs. His house becomes a home. What was previously formless and void begins to spring to life. Order, form, color, art, warmth, heart, love, and laughter fill what was once nothing more than a utilitarian staging area. More often than not, the man quickly falls in love with these startling makeovers. He had no idea until now that he needed this much help!
The title of helper actually puts a wife in very elite company. After all, the Hebrew word for helper is used for God Himself. By the time you get to the end of the Bible, each member of the Godhead has been presented as a Helper to man. In Psalm 54:4, David said of God the Father, “God is my Helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my soul.” This is a magnificent picture of the Creator of the universe lending aid to His frail creatures, but it also indicates the honor and dignity of being a helper. Jesus, too, became our Helper. Romans 5:6 gives a powerful picture of this truth: “While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.” Jesus helped us when all other help failed. Finally, Jesus called God the Holy Spirit our Helper. In John 14:16–17, He said, “I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper [that is, One like Jesus], that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth.” Who can doubt a wife's place of honor and worth when she bears the same title as God Himself?
All this is good news for husbands, for if anything is clear in life, it's that a man needs help. And the kind he needs most to succeed in life is one that is distinctly feminine. It is a help that receives, admires, nurtures, responds, supports, and loves. A man grows by this kind of help. He matures. He is strengthened to reach higher and do more than he ever could without it. The truth is, every man longs for this kind of help.
These are the gender-specific roles God designed for every man and woman in marriage. Head and helper energize each other. They fit the social, spiritual, and relational dance God has in mind to call out the best in a couple. Rightly lived out, these roles unleash power, life, and intimacy into a couple that supersede any other symbiotic relationship on earth.
What is a biblical marriage? Using these