The New Eve - Lewis Robert [76]
“Does he earn a regular paycheck?”
“Sure. He hasn't had a sick day in five years.”
“Has he been faithful to your marriage? Is he good to the kids?”
“Yeah, he's steady on those things. Nothing spectacular, but steady.” Brenda started to smile. “I think I'm getting the point. I've locked in on the negative, haven't I?”
“Anybody can make that mistake,” said Anne. “But it's easy to correct. What might not be as easy is for you to seek outside help for your marriage. Maybe you could start by asking another woman who is happily married to mentor you for a time. Or maybe you need personal counseling to explore your past and how it might be affecting your relationship with John and how you relate to him. At some point John might join you in that process to develop together some new patterns of relating. The point is, you need to stop reacting to John and start exploring some new ways to engage him.”
After talking it over for a minute, Brenda got out her battered little card. “I guess it's kind of obvious what my bold move should be.” She scribbled it down quickly.
“That's a wonderful first step!” declared Anne. “And that's something you can do right now.”
When the discussion about Brenda's situation quieted down, Tracey took the initiative and waved her card vigorously in the air for all to see.
“Not here, of course. I don't feel left out here. But sometimes I do feel left out of the larger world. I hear people talk about their careers and I can't relate at all. It's not that I have it bad or anything. Far from it. My husband has a pretty good job, so we're making it OK. Besides, I love my family and I know I'm doing important work at home. But I've never tasted what it's like to have a career and prove myself as a professional. I got married the summer before my senior year of college and had my first child a few months after graduation, so I never established the outside-the-home credibility all my friends seem to have. Even my younger sister, who I practically raised, knows more than I do about what it takes to make it out there. It all makes me feel second-class. Does that seem silly?”
“Not at all,” said Brenda. “A lot of stay-at-home moms feel that way.”
“Absolutely. Absolutely!” said Anne. “I often struggled with that when I was on my knees before a cruddy toilet or as I washed the same dish for the ten-thousandth time. So many of the things we do to care for a household can seem menial and mindless. It's easy to feel second-class and insignificant, especially with young kids like yours.”
“Yes!” said Tracey. “Thanks for affirming that.”
“The flip side to all of this,” Patricia reminded her, “is that all those things your career-oriented friends have are not half as life-giving as you're tempted to think. This is a worn-out cliché but it's as true as ever: Money doesn't buy happiness. Trust me. The women out there who seem to you to have it all have their own struggles, worse than you'd guess in many cases. Many dream of a life like yours.”
“I believe that,” said Tracey. “I lose sight of it sometimes, but I really do believe that. It's so easy to look out there in the world and start comparing myself to every girl in a business suit and a glamorous home.” She pulled out her card and a pen as she said this, then showed the ladies her bold move.
“If I can do that and not pay so much attention to the values and images of the world, I know I'll be more at peace. I know what I'm doing is right. I just want to feel it.”
“And keep this in mind,” added Anne. “You have a college degree. There's no use letting it die a slow death at the hands of negligence. What was your major?”
“Interior decorating,” Tracey answered. “I loved every minute of it.”
“Good! Why not stay updated in your field by reading magazines, browsing stores, and occasionally going to trade shows? And when a friend wants to redecorate, offer your services. You can do it part-time while your kids are small and