The Old Bachelor [31]
still treads upon the heels of pleasure: Married in haste, we may repent at leisure.
SCENE IX.
SHARPER, SETTER.
SET. Some by experience find these words misplaced: At leisure married, they repent in haste.
As I suppose my master Heartwell.
SHARP. Here again, my Mercury!
SET. Sublimate, if you please, sir: I think my achievements do deserve the epithet--Mercury was a pimp too, but, though I blush to own it, at this time, I must confess I am somewhat fallen from the dignity of my function, and do condescend to be scandalously employed in the promotion of vulgar matrimony.
SHARP. As how, dear, dexterous pimp?
SET. Why, to be brief, for I have weighty affairs depending--our stratagem succeeded as you intended--Bluffe turns errant traitor; bribes me to make a private conveyance of the lady to him, and put a shame-settlement upon Sir Joseph.
SHARP. O rogue! Well, but I hope -
SET. No, no; never fear me, sir. I privately informed the knight of the treachery, who has agreed seemingly to be cheated, that the captain may be so in reality.
SHARP. Where's the bride?
SET. Shifting clothes for the purpose, at a friend's house of mine. Here's company coming; if you'll walk this way, sir, I'll tell you.
SCENE X.
BELLMOUR, BELINDA, ARAMINTA, and VAINLOVE.
VAIN. Oh, 'twas frenzy all: cannot you forgive it? Men in madness have a title to your pity. [To ARAMINTA.]
ARAM. Which they forfeit, when they are restored to their senses.
VAIN. I am not presuming beyond a pardon.
ARAM. You who could reproach me with one counterfeit, how insolent would a real pardon make you! But there's no need to forgive what is not worth my anger.
BELIN. O' my conscience, I could find in my heart to marry thee, purely to be rid of thee--at least thou art so troublesome a lover, there's hopes thou'lt make a more than ordinary quiet husband. [To BELLMOUR.]
BELL. Say you so? Is that a maxim among ye?
BELIN. Yes: you fluttering men of the MODE have made marriage a mere French dish.
BELL. I hope there's no French sauce. [Aside.]
BELIN. You are so curious in the preparation, that is, your courtship, one would think you meant a noble entertainment--but when we come to feed, 'tis all froth, and poor, but in show. Nay, often, only remains, which have been I know not how many times warmed for other company, and at last served up cold to the wife.
BELL. That were a miserable wretch indeed, who could not afford one warm dish for the wife of his bosom. But you timorous virgins form a dreadful chimaera of a husband, as of a creature contrary to that soft, humble, pliant, easy thing, a lover; so guess at plagues in matrimony, in opposition to the pleasures of courtship. Alas! courtship to marriage, is but as the music in the play-house, until the curtain's drawn; but that once up, then opens the scene of pleasure.
BELIN. Oh, foh,--no: rather courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
SCENE XI.
[To them] SHARPER.
SHARP. Hist! Bellmour. If you'll bring the ladies, make haste to Sylvia's lodgings, before Heartwell has fretted himself out of breath.
BELL. You have an opportunity now, madam, to revenge yourself upon Heartwell, for affronting your squirrel. [To BELINDA.]
BELIN. Oh, the filthy rude beast.
ARAM. 'Tis a lasting quarrel; I think he has never been at our house since.
BELL. But give yourselves the trouble to walk to that corner- house, and I'll tell you by the way what may divert and surprise you.
SCENE XII.
SCENE: Sylvia's Lodgings.
HEARTWELL and BOY.
HEART. Gone forth, say you, with her maid?
BOY. There was a man too, that fetched them out--Setter, I think they called him.
HEART. So-h--that precious pimp too--damned, damned strumpet! could she not contain herself on her wedding-day? not hold out till night? Oh, cursed state! how wide we err, when apprehensive of the load of life.
We hope to find That help which Nature meant in womankind, To man that supplemental self-designed;
SCENE IX.
SHARPER, SETTER.
SET. Some by experience find these words misplaced: At leisure married, they repent in haste.
As I suppose my master Heartwell.
SHARP. Here again, my Mercury!
SET. Sublimate, if you please, sir: I think my achievements do deserve the epithet--Mercury was a pimp too, but, though I blush to own it, at this time, I must confess I am somewhat fallen from the dignity of my function, and do condescend to be scandalously employed in the promotion of vulgar matrimony.
SHARP. As how, dear, dexterous pimp?
SET. Why, to be brief, for I have weighty affairs depending--our stratagem succeeded as you intended--Bluffe turns errant traitor; bribes me to make a private conveyance of the lady to him, and put a shame-settlement upon Sir Joseph.
SHARP. O rogue! Well, but I hope -
SET. No, no; never fear me, sir. I privately informed the knight of the treachery, who has agreed seemingly to be cheated, that the captain may be so in reality.
SHARP. Where's the bride?
SET. Shifting clothes for the purpose, at a friend's house of mine. Here's company coming; if you'll walk this way, sir, I'll tell you.
SCENE X.
BELLMOUR, BELINDA, ARAMINTA, and VAINLOVE.
VAIN. Oh, 'twas frenzy all: cannot you forgive it? Men in madness have a title to your pity. [To ARAMINTA.]
ARAM. Which they forfeit, when they are restored to their senses.
VAIN. I am not presuming beyond a pardon.
ARAM. You who could reproach me with one counterfeit, how insolent would a real pardon make you! But there's no need to forgive what is not worth my anger.
BELIN. O' my conscience, I could find in my heart to marry thee, purely to be rid of thee--at least thou art so troublesome a lover, there's hopes thou'lt make a more than ordinary quiet husband. [To BELLMOUR.]
BELL. Say you so? Is that a maxim among ye?
BELIN. Yes: you fluttering men of the MODE have made marriage a mere French dish.
BELL. I hope there's no French sauce. [Aside.]
BELIN. You are so curious in the preparation, that is, your courtship, one would think you meant a noble entertainment--but when we come to feed, 'tis all froth, and poor, but in show. Nay, often, only remains, which have been I know not how many times warmed for other company, and at last served up cold to the wife.
BELL. That were a miserable wretch indeed, who could not afford one warm dish for the wife of his bosom. But you timorous virgins form a dreadful chimaera of a husband, as of a creature contrary to that soft, humble, pliant, easy thing, a lover; so guess at plagues in matrimony, in opposition to the pleasures of courtship. Alas! courtship to marriage, is but as the music in the play-house, until the curtain's drawn; but that once up, then opens the scene of pleasure.
BELIN. Oh, foh,--no: rather courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
SCENE XI.
[To them] SHARPER.
SHARP. Hist! Bellmour. If you'll bring the ladies, make haste to Sylvia's lodgings, before Heartwell has fretted himself out of breath.
BELL. You have an opportunity now, madam, to revenge yourself upon Heartwell, for affronting your squirrel. [To BELINDA.]
BELIN. Oh, the filthy rude beast.
ARAM. 'Tis a lasting quarrel; I think he has never been at our house since.
BELL. But give yourselves the trouble to walk to that corner- house, and I'll tell you by the way what may divert and surprise you.
SCENE XII.
SCENE: Sylvia's Lodgings.
HEARTWELL and BOY.
HEART. Gone forth, say you, with her maid?
BOY. There was a man too, that fetched them out--Setter, I think they called him.
HEART. So-h--that precious pimp too--damned, damned strumpet! could she not contain herself on her wedding-day? not hold out till night? Oh, cursed state! how wide we err, when apprehensive of the load of life.
We hope to find That help which Nature meant in womankind, To man that supplemental self-designed;