The Pleasures of the Damned - Charles Bukowski [69]
piece by piece
leaving nothing there
until at last the red gut-sack splashes
its secrets,
and I run child-like
with God’s anger a step behind,
back to simple sunlight,
wondering
as the world goes by
with curled smile
if anyone else
saw or sensed my crime.
the lisp
I had her for 3 units
and at mid-term
she’d read off how many assignments
stories
had been turned in:
“Gilbert: 2…
Ginsing: 5…
McNulty: 4…
Frijoles: none…
Lansford: 2…
Bukowski: 38…”
the class laughed
and she lisped
that not only did Bukowski
write many stories
but that they were all of
high quality.
she flashed her golden legs
in 1940 and there was something
sexy about her lisp
sexy as a hornet
as a rattler
that lisp.
and she lisped to me
after class
that I should go to
war,
that I would make a
very good sailor,
and she told me about how
she took my stories home
and read them to her husband
and how they both laughed,
and I told her, “o.k., Mrs. Anderson.”
and I’d walk out on the campus
where almost every guy had a
girl.
I didn’t become a sailor,
Mrs. Anderson, I’m not crazy
about the ocean
and I didn’t like war
even when it was the popular
thing to
do.
but here’s another completed assignment
for you
those golden legs
that lisp
still has me typing
love songs.
on being 20
my mother knocked on my rooming-house door
and came in
looked in the dresser drawer:
“Henry you don’t have any clean
stockings?
do you change your underwear?”
“Mom, I don’t want you poking around in
here…”
“I hear that there is a woman
who comes to your room late at
night and she drinks with you, she lives
right down the hall.”
“she’s all right…”
“Henry, you can get a terrible
disease.”
“yeah…”
“I talked with your landlady, she’s a
nice lady, she says you must read a lot
of books in bed because as you fall to sleep at
night the books fall to the floor,
they can hear it all over the
house, heavy books, one at midnight,
another at one a.m., another at 2 a.m.,
another at four.”
after she left I took the library books
back
returned to the rooming house and
put the dirty stockings and the dirty
underwear and the dirty shirts into
the paper suitcase
took the streetcar downtown
boarded the Trailways bus to
New Orleans
figuring to arrive with ten dollars
and let them do with me
what they would.
they did.
meanwhile
neither does this mean
the dead are
at the door
begging bread
before
the stockpiles
blow
like all the
storms and hell
in one big love,
but anyhow
I rented a 6 dollar a week
room
in Chinatown
with a window as large as the
side of the world
filled with night flies and neon,
lighted like Broadway
to frighten away rats,
and I walked into a bar and sat down,
and the Chinaman looked at my rags
and said
no credit
and I pulled out a hundred-dollar bill
and asked for a cup of Confucius juice
and 2 China dolls with slits of eyes
just about the size of the rest of them
slid closer
and we sat
and we
waited.
the world’s greatest loser
he used to sell papers in front:
“Get your winners! Get rich on a dime!”
and about the 3rd or 4th race
you’d see him rolling in on his rotten board
with roller skates underneath.
he’d propel himself along on his hands;
he just had small stumps for legs
and the rims of the skate wheels were worn off.
you could see inside the wheels and they would wobble
something awful
shooting and flashing
imperialistic sparks!
he moved faster than anybody, rolled cigarette dangling,
you could hear him coming
“god o mighty, what was that?” the new ones asked.
he was the world’s greatest loser
but he never gave up
wheeling toward the 2-dollar window screaming:
“IT’S THE 4 HORSE, YOU FOOLS! HOW THE HELL YA
GONNA BEAT THE
4?”
up on the board the 4 would be reading
60 to 1.
I never heard him pick a winner.
they say he slept in the bushes. I guess that’s where he
died. he’s not around any
more.
there was the big fat blonde whore