The Pleasures of the Damned - Charles Bukowski [70]
who kept touching him for luck, and
laughing.
nobody had any luck. the whore is gone
too.
I guess nothing ever works for us. we’re fools, of course—
bucking the inside plus a 15 percent take,
but how are you going to tell a dreamer
there’s a 15 percent take on the
dream? he’ll just laugh and say,
is that all?
I miss those
sparks.
human nature
it has been going on for some time.
there is this young waitress where I get my coffee
at the racetrack.
“how are you doing today?” she asks.
“winning pretty good,” I reply.
“you won yesterday, didn’t you?” she
asks.
“yes,” I say, “and the day before.”
I don’t know exactly what it is but I
believe we must have incompatible
personalities. there is often a hostile
undertone to our conversations.
“you seem to be the only person
around here who keeps winning,”
she says, not looking at me,
not pleased.
“is that so?” I answer.
there is something very strange about all
this: whenever I do lose
she never seems to be
there.
perhaps it’s her day off or sometimes she works
another counter?
she bets too and loses.
she always loses.
and even though we might have
incompatible personalities I am sorry for
her.
I decide the next time I see her
I will tell her that I am
losing.
so I do.
when she asks, “how are you doing?”
I say, “god, I don’t understand it,
I’m losing, I can’t hit anything, every horse
I bet runs last!”
“really?” she asks.
“really,” I say.
it works.
she lowers her gaze
and here comes one of the largest smiles
I have ever seen, it damn near cracks
her face wide open.
I get my coffee, tip her well, walk
out to check the
toteboard.
if I died in a flaming crash on the freeway
she’d surely be happy for a
week!
I take a sip of coffee.
what’s this?
she’s put in a large shot of cream!
she knows I like it black!
in her excitement,
she’d forgotten.
the bitch.
and that’s what I get for lying.
the trash men
here they come
these guys
gray truck
radio playing
they are in a hurry
it’s quite exciting:
shirt open
bellies hanging out
they run out the trash bins
roll them out to the fork lift
and then the truck grinds it upward
with far too much sound…
they had to fill out application forms
to get these jobs
they are paying for homes and
drive late model cars
they get drunk on Saturday night
now in the Los Angeles sunshine
they run back and forth with their trash bins
all that trash goes somewhere
and they shout to each other
then they are all up in the truck
driving west toward the sea
none of them know
that I am alive
REX DISPOSAL CO.
a gold pocket watch
my grandfather was a tall German
with a strange smell on his breath.
he stood very straight
in front of his small house
and his wife hated him
and his children thought him odd.
I was six the first time we met
and he gave me all his war medals.
the second time I met him
he gave me his gold pocket watch.
it was very heavy and I took it home
and wound it very tight
and it stopped running
which made me feel bad.
I never saw him again
and my parents never spoke of him
nor did my grandmother
who had long ago
stopped living with him.
once I asked about him
and they told me
he drank too much
but I liked him best
standing very straight
in front of his house
and saying, “hello, Henry, you
and I, we know each
other.”
talking to my mailbox…
boy, don’t come around here telling me you
can’t cut it, that
they’re pitching you low and inside, that
they are conspiring against you,
that all you want is a chance but they won’t
give you a
chance.
boy, the problem is that you’re not doing
what you want to do, or
if you’re doing what you want to do, you’re
just not doing it
well.
boy, I agree:
there’s not much opportunity, and there are
some at the top who are
not doing much better than you
are
but
you’re wasting energy haranguing and
bitching.
boy, I’m not advising, just