The Poor Mouth_ A Bad Story About the Hard Life - Flann O'Brien [17]
–Annie, he said, get me three glasses.
When these were produced, he poured three generous measures of whiskey into each and added a little water.
–On a morning like this, he said ceremoniously, and on a sad occasion like this, I think everyone here is entitled to a good stiff drink if we’re not going to get our death of cold. I disapprove of anybody taking strong drink before the age of forty-five but in God’s name let us take it as medicine. It is better than all those pills and drugs and falthalals those ruffians in the chemist shops will give you, first-class poison for the liver and kidneys.
We drank to that: for me it was my first taste of whiskey but I was surprised to find that Annie treated the occasion quite casually, as if she was used to liquor. I found it made me drowsy, and I decided to go to bed for a few hours. I did so and slept soundly. I got up about five and was not long back in the kitchen when the brother came in. Mr Collopy had evidently spent the entire interval with the crock and did not notice the brother much or the unseemly fact that he was drunk. There is no other word for it: drunk. He sat down heavily and looked at Mr Collopy.
–On a day like this, Mr Collopy, he said, I think I might have a drop of that tonic you have there.
–For once I think you are right, Mr Collopy replied, and IF you will get another glass we will see what can be done.
The glass was got and generously furnished. I was offered nothing and the drinking went on in silence. Annie began to lay the table for tea.
–I don’t think, Mr Collopy said at last, there there will be any need for you boys to go to school tomorrow and maybe the day after. Mourning, you know. The Brothers will understand.
The brother put his glass down on the range with a clinking thud.
–Is that so, Mr Collopy, he said in a testy voice. Well now is that so? Let me tell you this. I am not going back to that damned school tomorrow, the day after or any day.
Mr Collopy started up in astonishment.
–What was that? he asked.
–I’ve left school—from today. I’ve had my bellyful of the ignorant guff that is poured out by those maggots of Christian Brothers. They’re illiterate farmers’ sons. They probably got their learning at some dirty hedge school.
–Will you for pity’s sake have some respect for the cloth of those saintly servants of God, Mr Collopy said sharply.
–They’re not servants of God, they are slaves to their own sadistic passions, they are humbugs and impostors and a disgrace to their cloth. They are ruining the young people of this country and taking pride in their abominable handiwork.
–Have you no shame?
–I have more shame than those buggers have. Anyhow, I’m finished with school for good. I want to earn my living.
–Well now, is that so? Doing what? Driving a tram or a breadcart, or maybe sweeping up after the horses on the roads?
–I said I wanted to earn my living. What am I talking about—I am earning my living. I am a publisher, an international tutor. Look at that!
Here he had rummaged in his inside pocket and pulled out a spectacular wad of notes.
–Look at that, he cried. There’s about sixty-five pounds in that bundle and upstairs I have twenty-eight pounds in postal orders not yet cashed. You have your pension and no work to do, and no desire to do any.
–That will do you, Mr Collopy retorted with rising temper, that is quite enough. You say I have no work to do. Where you got that information I cannot say. But let me tell you this, you and your brother. I have been engaged on one of the most ardious and patriotic projects ever attempted by any man in this town. You will hear all about it when I’m gone. You have a damned cheek to say I do no work. What, with my health in the state it’s in?
–Don’t ask me that. I’ve left school and that’s all.
The subject seemed to become inert and was dropped. It had been a tiring day, physically and emotionally, and both Mr Collopy and the brother were the worse for drink. Later, in bed, the brother asked me whether I intended to continue going to the Brothers in Synge Street.
–I might as well