The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [11]
From taking on the aggressor’s point of view, Dexter is plagued by destructive thoughts telling him to act out violent and sadistic urges. He calls this point of view his Dark Passenger; clinical psychologist and theorist/author Dr. Robert Firestone calls it the “anti-self.” Dr. Firestone has identified a division that exists within all of us between our “real self” and the “anti-self.” The nature and degree of this division depends a great deal on early life experiences. Most of us are not as destructive as Dexter, but we do engage in behavior that is both self-destructive and other-destructive on a less extreme level. The anti-self is the incorporation of the negative side of the parenting we received: the emotional neglect or abuse, and any other traumatic treatment that we may have experienced. In situations where a parent “loses it” with the child, the child ceases to identify with him/herself as the helpless victim and instead identifies with the all-powerful parent. In this manner, we “take in” our parents during those extremely stressful incidents when they are at their worst. This identification exists as an anti-self that cannot be fully integrated into the personality. As an adult, when we are under pressure or stress, our unintegrated anti-self manifests itself. Then we act out either on ourselves or on others in ways similar to what was done to us.
The core aspect of the anti-self is a “self-parenting” process in which we treat ourselves as we were treated early on, both soothing ourselves and punishing ourselves. Self-parenting, as it is referred to here, is not self-love; rather, it is the self-infliction of the misattunement and mistreatment the child experienced from its early caregiver. The self-soothing behaviors are strategies we employ to relieve anxiety, such as being self-protective or self-indulgent (as in addiction and substance abuse) or having an inflated sense of self-importance. The self-soothing part of Dexter can be seen in his self-sufficiency and the emotional distance he keeps from people, as well as in his self-aggrandizing belief that he should be acknowledged as a hero. It is the most extreme when his Dark Passenger counsels him that he needs the release that committing murder will bring him. In general, the self-punishing behaviors people engage in are more obvious: they take the form of self-attacks, self-denial, and self-harming actions. The self-hating side of Dexter is revealed in his negative internal dialogue and his thoughts that other people would never accept him if they knew the truth about him.
Although we mature into adults and are no longer threatened by the traumatic or painful situations of childhood, we still carry our alien point of view with us. Dexter’s reference to his own anti-self as a Dark Passenger is an apt description of how his destructive thought processes act as a companion, traveling beside him and keeping him company, much as they do in all of us to some extent. Although most of us have not undergone the level of trauma that Dexter has and are not as destructive in our behavior as he is, we all experience negative thought processes that direct and control our lives more than we are aware of.
The Critical Inner Voice
Even though Dexter’s innermost thoughts are often excessively violent and unfeeling, his inner struggle is an extreme representation of the “anti-self ” and a destructive thought process we all have within us, the “critical inner voice.” This critical inner voice operates as a dialogue that advises us and defines us in a negative way.
The critical inner voice is a manifestation of the anti-self and develops when the child first identifies with the adult who is frightening him or her. The critical inner voice is defined as a well-integrated pattern of negative thoughts toward self and others that is at the root of an individual’s maladaptive behavior. Critical attitudes toward self and others predispose alienation in personal relationships. Our research shows that these negative thoughts, which