The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [12]
Projection of a Parent’s Negative Traits
Dexter was raised from a young age by an adoptive father who saw his son’s bouts of rage and violent tendencies as a clear indication that Dexter was a psychopath on an inevitable course toward destruction. Because Harry was convinced that Dexter’s dark urges would not go away, he decided to “make the best of it” and provided young Dexter with a moral code through which his son could filter his homicidal impulses. However, it is reasonable to wonder whether Harry could have capitalized on Dexter’s respect for him and have developed a different moral code, one that didn’t allow for murder at all. How much was this code a projection by Harry of his own “vigilante” side, the part of him that acted out revenge and punishment and wanted to be the hero? Harry’s drive to be a hero was so strong that it directly contributed to Dexter’s mother’s murder.
The “dark side” of Harry, his anti-self, prevented him from providing Dexter with the guidance the boy needed. We know from the views that Harry voiced that he had vigilante feelings that justice should be done to violent criminals who had gone unpunished by the legal system. He could not accept this part of himself that longed for vigilante justice, and tried to rid himself of it by sublimating it in his police work and projecting it onto Dexter. He disowned the unacceptable elements of his own character and saw them instead in his adopted son, believing him to be an untreatable monster. The veteran detective even went so far as to use Dexter to act on his behalf to right the wrongs that he identified in the criminal justice system.
This father/son relationship is unusual in that the life lessons Harry provided Dexter with center around homicide; however, an adult offering misguided and destructive advice to a child in the name of parenting can be found in much less extreme examples in everyday life. It is common for parents to project their negative thoughts and desires onto their children. For instance, a mother who still carries feelings of being a “dirty little girl” will punish her child for making messes and label her a “slob.” Or a father with deep-seated feelings that his desire for attention is unacceptable will see his affectionate child as needy and demanding. Harry desperately wanted to see revenge enacted upon criminals, and he projected these murderous fixations onto Dexter. We all have internalized elements of our parents that they did not accept in themselves and instead projected onto us.
When Dexter integrated the negative aspects of Harry, he added to and reinforced the development of his already very destructive anti-self. Harry’s view of Dexter as an incurable psychopath supported the voice attacks that define Dexter as a murderer and instruct him to commit violent acts. Therefore, Dexter’s loyalty to his destructive voices is not only a result of his identification with his mother’s murderer but also of Harry’s encouragement of Dexter’s violent tendencies. After all, it was Harry who gave Dexter the moral code that provided him with the rationalization that “killing should serve a purpose,” trained him to become a successful serial killer by teaching him to murder without getting caught, and even dictated his first victim: a nurse who was poisoning her patients and had tried to kill Harry when he was in the hospital because of a heart attack.
Intergenerational Trauma