The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [53]
Debra also cheerleads intentionally through their steady banter. She relays a positive image of Dexter, to him and to everyone around them, with the passion and persistence of a gifted politician. In her eyes, he is a hero who saved her life (from Brian) and then prevented her from “spinning out of control” in the aftermath. He is a brilliant forensics analyst who can do no wrong in catching bad guys, and to whom she turns when seeking expert guidance on her criminal theories. Her cheerleading reached fever pitch in the season four finale when she gave Dexter the “you are, have always been, and will forever be the best thing in my life” speech. All of this affords Dexter a mini-vacation from his negative self-perception in which he can see himself as a protective big brother, blood genius, and fellow survivor of an emotionally tumultuous upbringing.
Remember toward the end of season two when Dexter’s self-loathing was on the verge of overtaking his will to live? There was upheaval in his inner world as his sense of safety and stability was shaken by a profound sense of failure. The media’s coverage of his well-intentioned killings led to less purposeful copycat killings. He was on the verge of being dishonorably captured by the FBI, he could not protect his loved ones from Lila’s erratic behavior, and his moral code was in shambles as Sergeant Doakes, his relatively honorable colleague, sat in a locked cage. He was on the verge of confessing his sins to the authorities—for him, a form of psychic suicide. And then Debra came over for dinner. She relished the way he cooked her steak, but more importantly, she reminded him that he is loved—that he is the kind of noble warrior that provides for those who depend upon him. This affirming view of Dexter, in recalling his purpose and his virtues, saved him from self-destruction.
Rita: The Infiltrator
Rita was the brightest of Dexter’s angels. She was the only person in Dexter’s life who offered romantic intimacy and a gateway into the family man lifestyle he never thought possible. In short, she infiltrated his psychological defenses and effectively pushed him to grow into a better man through a Rita-specific formula of vulnerability, emotional space, and trust. She chipped away at Dexter’s existential loneliness, proving herself to be a perfect fit—even soul-mate material—for the idiosyncratic Dexter.
As a single mother and victim of past domestic abuse, Rita began season one just as averse to intimacy as Dexter. Her regrettable marriage to ex-convict Paul induced a virtual phobia of conflict and plummeting self-esteem. And that damage doesn’t even take into account the physical bumps and bruises. Moreover, she was bleeding to death from a thousand emotional cuts. In an early episode, Rita politely asked her inconsiderate neighbor to silence her perpetually barking dog. Rita’s request was met with laughter and a door in the face. Then, her ex-husband’s drug dealer slithered into view to hijack her car. In both cases Rita passively withdrew, because there wasn’t a combative bone in her body. A single working mother who tormented herself over how to protect her children from a nasty, erratic world, who had to commute to work sleep-deprived, and on a crowded bus—was this not the perfect rescue scenario for Dexter’s compulsive protective tendencies?
Halfway through season one Rita broke out of her shell to enact a patient yet spirited campaign to consummate their relationship. Dexter fought her off. He’s a tough nut to crack and numerous times she was left naked, confused, and alone in the dust of his mad dashes toward the door, driven by fears of rejection. This “reluctant beginnings” phase of the relationship carried two sweeping, internal changes: Dexter amended the Harry Code with a sub-code