The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [55]
Next and most important came the “family man” phase of their relationship, in which Dexter was pushed toward further positive change. Yes, Dexter’s “killer” identity could hide even more safely behind his new image as husband and father. But this cynically pragmatic view of his choice to marry Rita was soon swept away by lucrative emotional returns on his investment as a family man and the discovery that he’s actually a pretty good dad.
His new family man persona has an effect far greater than his killings. Despite a childhood filled with abandonment and adversity, Cody remained a sweet and innocent boy. Dexter must have realized that his hugs, compliments, and presence at school events contributed to Cody’s unexpected normalcy. And when Dexter’s social ineptitude put him in conflict with newly adolescent Astor in season four and she said, “It’s okay. You can be dumb,” he knew that she really meant “I love you” (“Blinded by the Light,” 4-3). Dexter may lack emotional intelligence, but his cognitive skills let him easily interpret the meaning behind her words.
Most important, Dexter’s connection to and competence in taking care of Rita and the kids allowed him to see himself as “good.” This ability increased along with his sense of connectedness—a sort of silver lining of competence within a cloud of happiness. This is largely because the calmness under pressure and hyper-vigilance about human nature that serves him so well as a serial killer also proved beneficial for fatherhood. He routinely saved hectic mornings with donuts and car rides to school. He managed Rita’s insecurities with levity, teaching the children that disagreements don’t have to escalate into fights. And when Cody ran away during season two, Dexter knew right where to find him. Dexter even channeled his traumatic experiences into the most insightful parenting moment of the series: at the end of season two he alerted Rita to the fact that neglecting to discuss her ex-husband and the entirety of his misdeeds didn’t protect Cody and Astor, it actually protected Paul, at the kids’ expense.
Now, it should be noted that any discussion involving the impact of other characters on Dexter’s personality runs into an inherent obstacle. Dexter spends so much time in his own head and is so impaired at taking the emotional temperature of those around him that he is neither a reliable nor particularly observant judge of interpersonal interactions. Plus, the show’s writers seem invested in minimizing Dexter’s growth. Since setbacks, conflict, and vacillation about self are fodder for high melodrama, the writers seem to enjoy delivering sucker punches to Dexter’s psychological advancement. Camilla died in season three, Rita was killed off in season four, and the moments of intimacy between Debra and Dexter always seem to end mid-sentence. As a result of all this, Dexter rarely notices the effects of the angels around him. Nevertheless, Rita, Debra, and Camilla have still penetrated Dexter’s psyche in meaningful, sustaining ways. Camilla nurtured him and Debra kept him propped up while Rita shoved him into battle against his devils. As a result, Dexter has begun to rewrite a more mentally healthy narrative of his life that is based upon greater insight into himself, greater faith in other people, and greater hope in the world.
Dexter’s angels all feed the part of him that keeps him separate from the true devils: those on his kill table. He does not kill “without reason or regret” like Rudy. He does not manipulate good people and kill out of self-interest like Miguel. He definitely does not terrorize his family like Arthur. Despite