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The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [65]

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in constant denial about the men in her life. She didn’t even want to admit that she had a teenage marriage for a few short months. Her second husband, Paul, was an abusive heroin addict, a fact she had trouble admitting until after she found a replacement (Dexter). And although she didn’t know it, Dexter was certainly not the man she thought he was. Rita’s unconscious mind actually worked very hard to convince itself that everything about Dexter was comforting, safe, and good. Dexter knows the truth, however, and wondered if Rita was secretly attracted to evil men. In “Circle of Friends” (1-7), we saw her denial continue as Dexter asked about Paul:

DEXTER: When’d you first notice it? This . . . darkness inside the guy you fell for?

RITA: I always knew it was there . . . I guess I just didn’t think I deserved better. ’Til I met you.

DEXTER: I have a dark side, too.

RITA: (laughs)

DEXTER: What? I do.

RITA: Somehow I doubt that. You have a good heart, Dexter. You’re not like Paul. You don’t hurt people.

DEXTER: (pause) Innocent people. I don’t hurt innocent people.

Rita just smiled, and laughed again. She wouldn’t admit anything negative about him (at least not at this point in their relationship). In order to feel psychologically safe, Rita had to live in denial about anything scary in her partner.

A final example of denial can be seen in Dexter’s sister Debra. Deb has spent her life trying to live up to her father’s image as a legendary police detective, and therefore is on a quest to seek out killers. Her instincts are typically very good; she finds leads in cases time and time again. However, her biggest mistake came when she fell in love with the Ice Truck Killer (Brian, Dexter’s brother). When Brian asked Deb why she never suspected him, Deb fell apart. Something about Brian drew her toward him; perhaps her unconscious mind simply wouldn’t allow her to realize that she finally had found the killer she was always seeking—and that she had fallen for him.

Sublimation

A lesser-known defense mechanism is sublimation. To understand sublimation, think about a man who has too much aggression. Ideally, this man would beat people up wherever he goes. But society tells him that aggression is not an acceptable impulse. So, sublimation is when the unconscious mind finds a creative way of allowing socially unacceptable tendencies to come out in ways that are actually praised by others. This man could become a professional boxer or football player, making millions of dollars, probably getting to bed hot chicks, and certainly allowing his aggression to run free and play.

One fascinating (and extreme) example of sublimation can be seen in Dexter’s season four adversary, the Trinity killer. For years, Trinity appeared to be a wonderful philanthropist as he traveled from city to city building homes for the homeless. His “Four Walls, One Heart” campaign brought him social praise (and the opportunity to kill people in all sorts of exciting new locations). But more directly, Trinity’s projects provided concrete for him to sink kidnapped ten-year-old boys (still alive) within the foundation of the homes. (Indeed, his campaign title can be taken literally, as each of his homes has a human heart lying beneath it.) Clearly this urge is not socially acceptable, so he sublimated it: he found a way to satisfy his predilection for child murder in a way that would appear—to the outside world—praiseworthy.

Intellectualization

When reality is simply too emotionally terrible to handle, one way to deal with it is to use intellectualization. This defense mechanism strips away any emotionality and leaves the conscious mind only the logical, pragmatic, and objective view.

A profound example of intellectualization can be seen in Special Agent Frank Lundy, from the FBI. Lundy’s entire career was built on finding and stopping serial killers. Part of this job was to witness repeated scenes of horror, and try to adopt the perspective of the murderers he sought. For many people, the sheer knowledge that dozens of serial killers are running

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