The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [66]
Lundy’s use of intellectualization is another example of how defense mechanisms can often help us; though it almost got in the way of his relationship with Debra, it clearly worked well for him and propelled him to the top of his field. Lundy’s ability to track killers may have eventually led to his death, but while he was alive, he was psychologically healthy, at least partially due to his use of defense mechanisms.
Identification
Perhaps one of the most obvious defense mechanisms used in Dexter’s world is identification. When someone isn’t sure of himself or herself, when that person has low self-esteem or needs the attention of others, he or she might “identify” with a powerful, successful other. Identification is when we model our own behavior on that other person’s, to gain approval or success for ourselves. The cliché example of an object of identification is a parent; we emulate them and hope for an affirmation of our own worth.
For Deb, identification is the defense mechanism that has shaped the majority of her life. When Deb and Dexter were growing up, their father Harry had to spend a lot of time training Dexter and teaching him the code. This was essential to keep Dexter from allowing the Dark Passenger to take over, but Deb saw it as father-son bonding, which left her out. Deb desperately wanted attention, love, and acceptance from Harry. When Harry and Dexter began regularly “hunting,” Deb actually broke into Harry’s gun cabinet and learned how to shoot. She got pretty good at it, but when Harry found out, he only yelled and punished her. In “Circle of Friends,” Deb admitted that she became a cop because she’d wanted more attention from their father, and that she’d been jealous of his time with Dexter. She also noted that the only time Harry had ever spent with her alone was tucking her in at night. That was when he would tell her stories about his cases at work, so she was drawn to homicide as a way of getting closer him.
Unfortunately, Deb’s identification with her father only works as long as she views him as a distant hero. This became a problem when Deb became sexually involved with Anton, her confidential informant on a case. When Deb talked to Dexter about whether Harry would have approved of Anton, Dexter let her know that Harry had more in common with her than she thought. After investigating her father’s old files, she learned that her sainted father Harry had his own demons; he had a series of affairs with confidential informants (including, mostcontroversially, Dexter’s biological mother). When Deb understood this, her view of Harry changed, leaving her without a model to cling to. Identification couldn’t work as a defense mechanism if it caused her trauma and anxiety instead of shielding her from it.
Deb does identify with another key person: Agent Lundy. Lundy was older, and she even saw him as a father figure at first, getting annoyed when he commented on her potty mouth. Fairly quickly, however, Deb fell in love with Lundy. She even called him a “god” when he questioned his own work on their case; clearly she looked up to him as someone who could guide her, give her attention, and love her in more than one way. All her hopes were pinned on him, which is why she was so upset when he left Miami after the Bay Harbor Butcher case ended, and why she was so broken by his death. Deb identifies with father figures because she needs someone to please. This general tendency occasionally leads her down the wrong path or makes her question her own judgment, but in general having the goal of being a successful detective and surrounding herself with like-minded