The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [85]
Her behavior, psychology, and reactions to others undeniably revealed symptoms of the PTSD she developed from years of enduring Paul’s abuse. First, she suffered from an overwhelming and incapacitating fear of Paul, even when he was incarcerated. Rita relived the abuse as it replayed in her mind in a continuous loop. She felt that she was living in a nightmare. Gloomy, depressed, Rita seemed to find it difficult to experience pleasure of any kind. She was numb, alienated, detached, and found it difficult to relate to other people with the exception of her children. Notice how she did not appear to have any friends other than Dexter and how her relationship with Paul kept even Rita’s mother at a distance.
One way to suppress flashbacks to the trauma is to attempt to screen out all stimuli associated with the event. That is one possible reason that Rita was initially not interested in sex with Dexter. Another may have been that she was incapable of feeling pleasure, which would explain why she initially chose to perform oral sex on Dexter rather than having intercourse (“Let’s Give the Boy a Hand,” 1-4). Rita perceived this as a major milestone on her road to emotional recovery. Her post-traumatic stress impacted more than just her sex life. The trauma was so difficult for Rita to manage that when one of Paul’s former business associates stole her car as compensation for two ounces of owed blow, Rita refused to allow Dexter to file a police report. She said, “Paul’s out of my life . . . I just want my past to go away” (“Popping Cherry,” 1-3).
Early in the first season, Rita recovered to the point of asserting herself more with Paul, and took the dangerous step of demanding a divorce. But she was playing with fire, of course, and Paul was more than capable of devising ways to punish her for defying him.
The Ghost of Abuse Past
Halfway through the first season, Paul was released from jail due to overcrowding. The first thing he did was “ask” to go to his and Rita’s daughter’s birthday party. Rita confided in Dexter that she did not want Paul to attend, but also said that “even if [she] says no, he won’t listen” (“Return to Sender,” 1-6).
Relationship abuse deals fundamentally with issues of power and control. Though it’s obvious that Paul is abusive, it’s worth taking a closer look at the methods he uses to exert his power and control over Rita. The National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence distinguishes eight clear categories of manipulation. They are (1) coercion and threats, (2) intimidation, (3) emotional abuse—which is more accurately called verbal abuse, (4) isolation, (5) minimizing, denying, and blaming, (6) using children, (7) economic abuse, and (8) male privilege. Though Paul relies on many of these different methods, the above quote from Rita illustrates male privilege: “making all the big decisions [and] acting like the ‘master of the castle.’”32 In Paul’s previous interactions with Rita, he had not allowed her to make any of the decisions or had ignored the ones she did make. Rita is well aware of this, and later in the same episode told Dexter, “Even if I tell him not to come, he’ll show up here eventually” (“Return to Sender”). Rita was accustomed to Paul exerting his control on their relationship. Rita also told Dexter, “He said if I left he would find us and use the kids” (“Return to Sender”), an example of an abuser’s propensity to use coercion and threats as a method of control.
Though Rita managed to convince Paul to avoid Astor’s party, in the next episode, he escalated their disagreement by picking the kids up from school one day and taking them to the carnival. He did this without prior warning or approval and in spite