The Psychology of Dexter - Bella DePaulo [84]
Most viewers would consider Dexter a real step up from Paul as a partner for Rita, yet the two men share many abusive characteristics. Dexter is always careful to keep the violence of his Dark Passenger from Rita, but abuse doesn’t have to mean physical violence. And in some ways, Dexter is as abusive as Paul—if not more so.
Abusive Relationships
What exactly constitutes an abusive relationship? Relationship abuse is shockingly common. According to the American Psychological Association, around one in three women in America will be victims of relationship abuse in their lifetime. According to police reports cited by the Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness, in heterosexual relationships the overwhelming majority of domestic violence—up to 95 percent—is perpetuated by men. However, his evidence is seriously biased because police have a preference for arresting (and charging) men, who are seen as more likely than women to cause serious harm. Surveys show American women are as likely to hit their husbands as vice versa, as noted in Phillip W. Cook’s 1997 book Abused Men. Evolutionary psychologists nevertheless describe a worldwide pattern of violent possessiveness through which men seek to establish sexual control over women, a pattern responsible for most of the crimes of violence against women.29 Rita’s first marriage falls into this category.
Relationship abuse is not just violence, of course. The Center for Relationship Abuse Awareness defines it as a “pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner.”30 It is important to note that the goal of the abuser is not to harm the victim but rather to bend the victim’s will to his control. Psychologists have identified three main categories of abuse: physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. Physical abuse refers to any intentional bodily harm, whereas sexual abuse can be any form of unwanted sexual attention and harassment as well as physical harm such as rape. Emotional abuse (also known as mental or psychological abuse) “occurs when one person controls information available to another person so as to manipulate that person’s sense of reality.”31 The manifestation of this type of abuse can range from lying to manipulation to verbal abuse. All three of these forms of relationship abuse can cause lasting psychological harm.
These three types of relationship abuse were clearly portrayed in Rita’s relationship with her husband Paul Bennett. For half of the first season, Paul was locked away in jail, but his influence remained tangible. As Dexter remarked, “In her own little way, [Rita is] as damaged as me” (“Dexter,” 1-1). Dexter’s sister, Debra, first met Rita during a domestic abuse call and later introduced her to Dexter, telling him, “Rita’s ex-hubby, the crack addict, repeatedly raped her. Knocked her around. Ever since then, she’s been completely uninterested in sex” (“Dexter”). The psychological damage from Paul’s abuse was devastating and pervasive.
Rita’s plight raised a familiar question. Why was she apparently so clueless about defending herself? Why, for instance, did she not alert the police that Paul had violated his restraining order, so that he would be put back in prison where he could not threaten her or her children? The short answer is that she was still suffering from the trauma of her marriage.
Rita’s Post-Traumatic Stress
One of the worst consequences of physical and psychological victimization is post-traumatic stress disorder, and Rita was a textbook case. How was her post-traumatic stress established, and how did this explain her seemingly irrational approach to dealing with Paul after he was released from prison?
Post-traumatic stress disorder