The School For Scandal [10]
the Truth?
SIR PETER. If it's not too great a Favour.
LADY TEAZLE. Why the Fact is I was tired of all those agreeable
Recreations which you have so good naturally [naturedly] Described--
and having a Spirit to spend and enjoy a Fortune--I determined
to marry the first rich man that would have me.
SIR PETER. A very honest confession--truly--but pray madam was there
no one else you might have tried to ensnare but me.
LADY TEAZLE. O lud--I drew my net at several but you were the only
one I could catch.
SIR PETER. This is plain dealing indeed--
LADY TEAZLE. But now Sir Peter if we have finish'd our daily Jangle
I presume I may go to my engagement at Lady Sneerwell's?
SIR PETER. Aye--there's another Precious circumstance--a charming
set of acquaintance--you have made there!
LADY TEAZLE. Nay Sir Peter they are People of Rank and Fortune--
and remarkably tenacious of reputation.
SIR PETER. Yes egad they are tenacious of Reputation with
a vengeance, for they don't chuse anybody should have a Character
but themselves! Such a crew! Ah! many a wretch has rid on hurdles
who has done less mischief than these utterers of forged Tales,
coiners of Scandal, and clippers of Reputation.
LADY TEAZLE. What would you restrain the freedom of speech?
SIR PETER. Aye they have made you just as bad [as] any one
of the Society.
LADY TEAZLE. Why--I believe I do bear a Part with a tolerable Grace--
But I vow I bear no malice against the People I abuse, when I say
an ill-natured thing, 'tis out of pure Good Humour--and I take it
for granted they deal exactly in the same manner with me,
but Sir Peter you know you promised to come to Lady Sneerwell's too.
SIR PETER. Well well I'll call in, just to look after my own
character.
LADY TEAZLE. Then, indeed, you must make Haste after me, or you'll
be too late--so good bye to ye.
SIR PETER. So--I have gain'd much by my intended expostulation--
yet with what a charming air she contradicts every thing I say--
and how pleasingly she shows her contempt of my authority--Well
tho' I can't make her love me, there is certainly a great satisfaction
in quarrelling with her; and I think she never appears to such
advantage as when she is doing everything in her Power to plague me.
[Exit.]
SCENE II.--At LADY SNEERWELL'S
LADY SNEERWELL, MRS. CANDOUR, CRABTREE, SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE,
and SURFACE
LADY SNEERWELL. Nay, positively, we will hear it.
SURFACE. Yes--yes the Epigram by all means.
SiR BENJAMIN. O plague on't unkle--'tis mere nonsense--
CRABTREE. No no; 'fore gad very clever for an extempore!
SIR BENJAMIN. But ladies you should be acquainted with
the circumstances. You must know that one day last week
as Lady Betty Curricle was taking the Dust in High Park,
in a sort of duodecimo Phaeton--she desired me to write
some verses on her Ponies--upon which I took out my Pocket-Book--
and in one moment produced--the following:--
'Sure never were seen two such beautiful Ponies;
Other Horses are Clowns--and these macaronies,
Nay to give 'em this Title, I'm sure isn't wrong,
Their Legs are so slim--and their Tails are so long.
CRABTREE. There Ladies--done in the smack of a whip and on Horseback
too.
SURFACE. A very Phoebus, mounted--indeed Sir Benjamin.
SIR BENJAMIN. Oh dear Sir--Trifles--Trifles.
Enter LADY TEAZLE and MARIA
MRS. CANDOUR. I must have a Copy--
LADY SNEERWELL. Lady Teazle--I hope we shall see Sir Peter?
LADY TEAZLE. I believe He'll wait on your Ladyship presently.
LADY SNEERWELL. Maria my love you look grave. Come, you sit down
to Piquet with Mr. Surface.
MARIA. I take very little Pleasure in cards--however, I'll do
as you Please.
LADY TEAZLE. I am surprised Mr. Surface should sit down her--
I thought He would have embraced this opportunity of speaking
to me before Sir Peter came--[Aside.]
MRS. CANDOUR. Now, I'll die but you are so scandalous I'll forswear
your society.
LADY TEAZLE. What's the matter,
SIR PETER. If it's not too great a Favour.
LADY TEAZLE. Why the Fact is I was tired of all those agreeable
Recreations which you have so good naturally [naturedly] Described--
and having a Spirit to spend and enjoy a Fortune--I determined
to marry the first rich man that would have me.
SIR PETER. A very honest confession--truly--but pray madam was there
no one else you might have tried to ensnare but me.
LADY TEAZLE. O lud--I drew my net at several but you were the only
one I could catch.
SIR PETER. This is plain dealing indeed--
LADY TEAZLE. But now Sir Peter if we have finish'd our daily Jangle
I presume I may go to my engagement at Lady Sneerwell's?
SIR PETER. Aye--there's another Precious circumstance--a charming
set of acquaintance--you have made there!
LADY TEAZLE. Nay Sir Peter they are People of Rank and Fortune--
and remarkably tenacious of reputation.
SIR PETER. Yes egad they are tenacious of Reputation with
a vengeance, for they don't chuse anybody should have a Character
but themselves! Such a crew! Ah! many a wretch has rid on hurdles
who has done less mischief than these utterers of forged Tales,
coiners of Scandal, and clippers of Reputation.
LADY TEAZLE. What would you restrain the freedom of speech?
SIR PETER. Aye they have made you just as bad [as] any one
of the Society.
LADY TEAZLE. Why--I believe I do bear a Part with a tolerable Grace--
But I vow I bear no malice against the People I abuse, when I say
an ill-natured thing, 'tis out of pure Good Humour--and I take it
for granted they deal exactly in the same manner with me,
but Sir Peter you know you promised to come to Lady Sneerwell's too.
SIR PETER. Well well I'll call in, just to look after my own
character.
LADY TEAZLE. Then, indeed, you must make Haste after me, or you'll
be too late--so good bye to ye.
SIR PETER. So--I have gain'd much by my intended expostulation--
yet with what a charming air she contradicts every thing I say--
and how pleasingly she shows her contempt of my authority--Well
tho' I can't make her love me, there is certainly a great satisfaction
in quarrelling with her; and I think she never appears to such
advantage as when she is doing everything in her Power to plague me.
[Exit.]
SCENE II.--At LADY SNEERWELL'S
LADY SNEERWELL, MRS. CANDOUR, CRABTREE, SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE,
and SURFACE
LADY SNEERWELL. Nay, positively, we will hear it.
SURFACE. Yes--yes the Epigram by all means.
SiR BENJAMIN. O plague on't unkle--'tis mere nonsense--
CRABTREE. No no; 'fore gad very clever for an extempore!
SIR BENJAMIN. But ladies you should be acquainted with
the circumstances. You must know that one day last week
as Lady Betty Curricle was taking the Dust in High Park,
in a sort of duodecimo Phaeton--she desired me to write
some verses on her Ponies--upon which I took out my Pocket-Book--
and in one moment produced--the following:--
'Sure never were seen two such beautiful Ponies;
Other Horses are Clowns--and these macaronies,
Nay to give 'em this Title, I'm sure isn't wrong,
Their Legs are so slim--and their Tails are so long.
CRABTREE. There Ladies--done in the smack of a whip and on Horseback
too.
SURFACE. A very Phoebus, mounted--indeed Sir Benjamin.
SIR BENJAMIN. Oh dear Sir--Trifles--Trifles.
Enter LADY TEAZLE and MARIA
MRS. CANDOUR. I must have a Copy--
LADY SNEERWELL. Lady Teazle--I hope we shall see Sir Peter?
LADY TEAZLE. I believe He'll wait on your Ladyship presently.
LADY SNEERWELL. Maria my love you look grave. Come, you sit down
to Piquet with Mr. Surface.
MARIA. I take very little Pleasure in cards--however, I'll do
as you Please.
LADY TEAZLE. I am surprised Mr. Surface should sit down her--
I thought He would have embraced this opportunity of speaking
to me before Sir Peter came--[Aside.]
MRS. CANDOUR. Now, I'll die but you are so scandalous I'll forswear
your society.
LADY TEAZLE. What's the matter,