The School For Scandal [13]
Sir Peter you are not leaving us?
SIR PETER. Your Ladyship must excuse me--I'm called away by
particular Business--but I leave my Character behind me--
[Exit.]
SIR BENJAMIN. Well certainly Lady Teazle that lord of yours
is a strange being--I could tell you some stories of him would make
you laugh heartily if He wern't your Husband.
LADY TEAZLE. O pray don't mind that--come do let's hear 'em.
[join the rest of the Company going into the Next Room.]
SURFACE. Maria I see you have no satisfaction in this society.
MARIA. How is it possible I should? If to raise malicious smiles
at the infirmities or misfortunes of those who have never injured us
be the province of wit or Humour, Heaven grant me a double Portion
of Dullness--
SURFACE. Yet they appear more ill-natured than they are--they have
no malice at heart--
MARIA. Then is their conduct still more contemptible[;] for in my
opinion--nothing could excuse the intemperance of their tongues
but a natural and ungovernable bitterness of Mind.
SURFACE. Undoubtedly Madam--and it has always been a sentiment
of mine--that to propagate a malicious Truth wantonly--is more
despicable than to falsify from Revenge, but can you Maria feel
thus [f]or others and be unkind to me alone--nay is hope to be denied
the tenderest Passion.--
MARIA. Why will you distress me by renewing this subject--
SURFACE. Ah! Maria! you would not treat me thus and oppose your
guardian's Sir Peter's wishes--but that I see that my Profligate
Brother is still a favour'd Rival.
MARIA. Ungenerously urged--but whatever my sentiments of that
unfortunate young man are, be assured I shall not feel more bound
to give him up because his Distresses have sunk him so low as
to deprive him of the regard even of a Brother.
SURFACE. Nay but Maria do not leave me with a Frown--by all that's
honest, I swear----Gad's Life here's Lady Teazle--you must not--
no you shall--for tho' I have the greatest Regard for Lady Teazle----
MARIA. Lady Teazle!
SURFACE. Yet were Sir Peter to suspect----
[Enter LADY TEAZLE, and comes forward]
LADY TEAZLE. What's this, Pray--do you take her for me!--Child you
are wanted in the next Room.--What's all this, pray--
SURFACE. O the most unlucky circumstance in Nature. Maria has
somehow suspected the tender concern I have for your happiness,
and threaten'd to acquaint Sir Peter with her suspicions--and I was
just endeavouring to reason with her when you came.
LADY TEAZLE. Indeed but you seem'd to adopt--a very tender mode
of reasoning--do you usually argue on your knees?
SURFACE. O she's a Child--and I thought a little Bombast----
but Lady Teazle when are you to give me your judgment on my Library
as you promised----
LADY TEAZLE. No--no I begin to think it would be imprudent--
and you know I admit you as a Lover no farther than Fashion requires.
SURFACE. True--a mere Platonic Cicisbeo, what every London wife
is entitled to.
LADY TEAZLE. Certainly one must not be out of the Fashion--however,
I have so much of my country Prejudices left--that--though Sir Peter's
ill humour may vex me ever so, it never shall provoke me to----
SURFACE. The only revenge in your Power--well I applaud your
moderation.
LADY TEAZLE. Go--you are an insinuating Hypocrite--but we shall be
miss'd--let us join the company.
SURFACE. True, but we had best not return together.
LADY TEAZLE. Well don't stay--for Maria shan't come to hear
any more of your Reasoning, I promise you--
[Exit.]
SURFACE. A curious Dilemma truly my Politics have run me into.
I wanted at first only to ingratiate myself with Lady Teazle that she
might not be my enemy with Maria--and I have I don't know how--
become her serious Lover, so that I stand a chance of Committing
a Crime I never meditated--and probably of losing Maria by the
Pursuit!--Sincerely I begin to wish I had never made such a Point
of gaining so very good a character, for it has led me into so many
curst Rogueries that I doubt I shall
SIR PETER. Your Ladyship must excuse me--I'm called away by
particular Business--but I leave my Character behind me--
[Exit.]
SIR BENJAMIN. Well certainly Lady Teazle that lord of yours
is a strange being--I could tell you some stories of him would make
you laugh heartily if He wern't your Husband.
LADY TEAZLE. O pray don't mind that--come do let's hear 'em.
[join the rest of the Company going into the Next Room.]
SURFACE. Maria I see you have no satisfaction in this society.
MARIA. How is it possible I should? If to raise malicious smiles
at the infirmities or misfortunes of those who have never injured us
be the province of wit or Humour, Heaven grant me a double Portion
of Dullness--
SURFACE. Yet they appear more ill-natured than they are--they have
no malice at heart--
MARIA. Then is their conduct still more contemptible[;] for in my
opinion--nothing could excuse the intemperance of their tongues
but a natural and ungovernable bitterness of Mind.
SURFACE. Undoubtedly Madam--and it has always been a sentiment
of mine--that to propagate a malicious Truth wantonly--is more
despicable than to falsify from Revenge, but can you Maria feel
thus [f]or others and be unkind to me alone--nay is hope to be denied
the tenderest Passion.--
MARIA. Why will you distress me by renewing this subject--
SURFACE. Ah! Maria! you would not treat me thus and oppose your
guardian's Sir Peter's wishes--but that I see that my Profligate
Brother is still a favour'd Rival.
MARIA. Ungenerously urged--but whatever my sentiments of that
unfortunate young man are, be assured I shall not feel more bound
to give him up because his Distresses have sunk him so low as
to deprive him of the regard even of a Brother.
SURFACE. Nay but Maria do not leave me with a Frown--by all that's
honest, I swear----Gad's Life here's Lady Teazle--you must not--
no you shall--for tho' I have the greatest Regard for Lady Teazle----
MARIA. Lady Teazle!
SURFACE. Yet were Sir Peter to suspect----
[Enter LADY TEAZLE, and comes forward]
LADY TEAZLE. What's this, Pray--do you take her for me!--Child you
are wanted in the next Room.--What's all this, pray--
SURFACE. O the most unlucky circumstance in Nature. Maria has
somehow suspected the tender concern I have for your happiness,
and threaten'd to acquaint Sir Peter with her suspicions--and I was
just endeavouring to reason with her when you came.
LADY TEAZLE. Indeed but you seem'd to adopt--a very tender mode
of reasoning--do you usually argue on your knees?
SURFACE. O she's a Child--and I thought a little Bombast----
but Lady Teazle when are you to give me your judgment on my Library
as you promised----
LADY TEAZLE. No--no I begin to think it would be imprudent--
and you know I admit you as a Lover no farther than Fashion requires.
SURFACE. True--a mere Platonic Cicisbeo, what every London wife
is entitled to.
LADY TEAZLE. Certainly one must not be out of the Fashion--however,
I have so much of my country Prejudices left--that--though Sir Peter's
ill humour may vex me ever so, it never shall provoke me to----
SURFACE. The only revenge in your Power--well I applaud your
moderation.
LADY TEAZLE. Go--you are an insinuating Hypocrite--but we shall be
miss'd--let us join the company.
SURFACE. True, but we had best not return together.
LADY TEAZLE. Well don't stay--for Maria shan't come to hear
any more of your Reasoning, I promise you--
[Exit.]
SURFACE. A curious Dilemma truly my Politics have run me into.
I wanted at first only to ingratiate myself with Lady Teazle that she
might not be my enemy with Maria--and I have I don't know how--
become her serious Lover, so that I stand a chance of Committing
a Crime I never meditated--and probably of losing Maria by the
Pursuit!--Sincerely I begin to wish I had never made such a Point
of gaining so very good a character, for it has led me into so many
curst Rogueries that I doubt I shall