The School For Scandal [12]
weakness in her eyes considering how much she reads by candle-light
it is not to be wonder'd at.
LADY SNEERWELL. True and then as to her manner--upon my word
I think it is particularly graceful considering she never had the
least Education[:] for you know her Mother was a Welch milliner,
and her Father a sugar-Baker at Bristow.--
SIR BENJAMIN. Ah! you are both of you too good-natured!
SIR PETER. Yes, damned good-natured! Her own relation!
mercy on me! [Aside.]
MRS. CANDOUR. For my Part I own I cannot bear to hear a friend
ill-spoken of?
SIR PETER. No, to be sure!
SIR BENJAMIN. Ah you are of a moral turn Mrs. Candour and can sit
for an hour to hear Lady Stucco talk sentiments.
LADY SNEERWELL. Nay I vow Lady Stucco is very well with the Dessert
after Dinner for she's just like the Spanish Fruit one cracks
for mottoes--made up of Paint and Proverb.
MRS. CANDOUR. Well, I never will join in ridiculing a Friend--
and so I constantly tell my cousin Ogle--and you all know what
pretensions she has to be critical in Beauty.
LADY TEAZLE. O to be sure she has herself the oddest countenance
that ever was seen--'tis a collection of Features from all the
different Countries of the globe.
SIR BENJAMIN. So she has indeed--an Irish Front----
CRABTREE. Caledonian Locks----
SIR BENJAMIN. Dutch Nose----
CRABTREE. Austrian Lips----
SIR BENJAMIN. Complexion of a Spaniard----
CRABTREE. And Teeth a la Chinoise----
SIR BENJAMIN. In short, her Face resembles a table d'hote at Spa--
where no two guests are of a nation----
CRABTREE. Or a Congress at the close of a general War--wherein all
the members even to her eyes appear to have a different interest
and her Nose and Chin are the only Parties likely to join issue.
MRS. CANDOUR. Ha! ha! ha!
SIR PETER. Mercy on my Life[!] a Person they dine with twice a week!
[Aside.]
LADY SNEERWELL. Go--go--you are a couple of provoking Toads.
MRS. CANDOUR. Nay but I vow you shall not carry the Laugh off so--
for give me leave to say, that Mrs. Ogle----
SIR PETER. Madam--madam--I beg your Pardon--there's no stopping
these good Gentlemen's Tongues--but when I tell you Mrs. Candour
that the Lady they are abusing is a particular Friend of mine,
I hope you'll not take her Part.
LADY SNEERWELL. Ha! ha! ha! well said, Sir Peter--but you are
a cruel creature--too Phlegmatic yourself for a jest and too peevish
to allow wit in others.
SIR PETER. Ah Madam true wit is more nearly allow'd [allied?]
to good Nature than your Ladyship is aware of.
LADY SNEERWELL. True Sir Peter--I believe they are so near akin
that they can never be united.
SIR BENJAMIN. O rather Madam suppose them man and wife because
one seldom sees them together.
LADY TEAZLE. But Sir Peter is such an Enemy to Scandal I believe
He would have it put down by Parliament.
SIR PETER. 'Fore heaven! Madam, if they were to consider the
Sporting with Reputation of as much importance as poaching on manors--
and pass an Act for the Preservation of Fame--there are many would
thank them for the Bill.
LADY SNEERWELL. O Lud! Sir Peter would you deprive us of our
Privileges--
SIR PETER. Aye Madam--and then no person should be permitted to kill
characters or run down reputations, but qualified old Maids and
disappointed Widows.--
LADY SNEERWELL. Go, you monster--
MRS. CANDOUR. But sure you would not be quite so severe on those
who only report what they hear?
SIR PETER. Yes Madam, I would have Law Merchant for that too--
and in all cases of slander currency, whenever the Drawer of the Lie
was not to be found, the injured Party should have a right to come
on any of the indorsers.
CRABTREE. Well for my Part I believe there never was a Scandalous
Tale without some foundation.<3>
LADY SNEERWELL. Come Ladies shall we sit down to Cards in the next
Room?
Enter SERVANT, whispers SIR PETER
SIR PETER. I'll be with them directly.--
[Exit SERVANT.]
I'll get away unperceived.
LADY SNEERWELL.