The School For Scandal [2]
SCENE I.--LADY SNEERWELL'S House
LADY SNEERWELL at her dressing table with LAPPET;
MISS VERJUICE drinking chocolate
LADY SNEERWELL. The Paragraphs you say were all inserted:
VERJUICE. They were Madam--and as I copied them myself in a feigned
Hand there can be no suspicion whence they came.
LADY SNEERWELL. Did you circulate the Report of Lady Brittle's
Intrigue with Captain Boastall?
VERJUICE. Madam by this Time Lady Brittle is the Talk of half the
Town--and I doubt not in a week the Men will toast her as a Demirep.
LADY SNEERWELL. What have you done as to the insinuation as to
a certain Baronet's Lady and a certain Cook.
VERJUICE. That is in as fine a Train as your Ladyship could wish.
I told the story yesterday to my own maid with directions to
communicate it directly to my Hairdresser. He I am informed
has a Brother who courts a Milliners' Prentice in Pallmall
whose mistress has a first cousin whose sister is Feme [Femme]
de Chambre to Mrs. Clackit--so that in the common course of Things
it must reach Mrs. Clackit's Ears within four-and-twenty hours
and then you know the Business is as good as done.
LADY SNEERWELL. Why truly Mrs. Clackit has a very pretty Talent--
a great deal of industry--yet--yes--been tolerably successful
in her way--To my knowledge she has been the cause of breaking off
six matches[,] of three sons being disinherited and four Daughters
being turned out of Doors. Of three several Elopements, as many
close confinements--nine separate maintenances and two Divorces.--
nay I have more than once traced her causing a Tete-a-Tete in the
Town and Country Magazine--when the Parties perhaps had never seen
each other's Faces before in the course of their Lives.
VERJUICE. She certainly has Talents.
LADY SNEERWELL. But her manner is gross.
VERJUICE. 'Tis very true. She generally designs well[,] has
a free tongue and a bold invention--but her colouring is too dark
and her outline often extravagant--She wants that delicacy of
Tint--and mellowness of sneer--which distinguish your Ladyship's
Scandal.
LADY SNEERWELL. Ah you are Partial Verjuice.
VERJUICE. Not in the least--everybody allows that Lady Sneerwell
can do more with a word or a Look than many can with the most
laboured Detail even when they happen to have a little truth
on their side to support it.
LADY SNEERWELL. Yes my dear Verjuice. I am no Hypocrite to deny
the satisfaction I reap from the Success of my Efforts. Wounded
myself, in the early part of my Life by the envenomed Tongue of
Slander I confess I have since known no Pleasure equal to the
reducing others to the Level of my own injured Reputation.
VERJUICE. Nothing can be more natural--But my dear Lady Sneerwell
There is one affair in which you have lately employed me, wherein,
I confess I am at a Loss to guess your motives.
LADY SNEERWELL. I conceive you mean with respect to my neighbour,
Sir Peter Teazle, and his Family--Lappet.--And has my conduct
in this matter really appeared to you so mysterious?
[Exit MAID.]
VERJUICE. Entirely so.
LADY SNEERWELL. [VERJUICE.?] An old Batchelor as Sir Peter was[,]
having taken a young wife from out of the Country--as Lady Teazle
is--are certainly fair subjects for a little mischievous raillery--
but here are two young men--to whom Sir Peter has acted as a kind
of Guardian since their Father's death, the eldest possessing
the most amiable Character and universally well spoken of[,]
the youngest the most dissipated and extravagant young Fellow
in the Kingdom, without Friends or caracter--the former one
an avowed admirer of yours and apparently your Favourite[,]
the latter attached to Maria Sir Peter's ward--and confessedly
beloved by her. Now on the face of these circumstances it is
utterly unaccountable to me why you a young Widow with no great
jointure--should not close with the passion of a man of such
character and expectations as Mr. Surface--and more so why you
should be so uncommonly earnest to destroy the mutual Attachment
LADY SNEERWELL at her dressing table with LAPPET;
MISS VERJUICE drinking chocolate
LADY SNEERWELL. The Paragraphs you say were all inserted:
VERJUICE. They were Madam--and as I copied them myself in a feigned
Hand there can be no suspicion whence they came.
LADY SNEERWELL. Did you circulate the Report of Lady Brittle's
Intrigue with Captain Boastall?
VERJUICE. Madam by this Time Lady Brittle is the Talk of half the
Town--and I doubt not in a week the Men will toast her as a Demirep.
LADY SNEERWELL. What have you done as to the insinuation as to
a certain Baronet's Lady and a certain Cook.
VERJUICE. That is in as fine a Train as your Ladyship could wish.
I told the story yesterday to my own maid with directions to
communicate it directly to my Hairdresser. He I am informed
has a Brother who courts a Milliners' Prentice in Pallmall
whose mistress has a first cousin whose sister is Feme [Femme]
de Chambre to Mrs. Clackit--so that in the common course of Things
it must reach Mrs. Clackit's Ears within four-and-twenty hours
and then you know the Business is as good as done.
LADY SNEERWELL. Why truly Mrs. Clackit has a very pretty Talent--
a great deal of industry--yet--yes--been tolerably successful
in her way--To my knowledge she has been the cause of breaking off
six matches[,] of three sons being disinherited and four Daughters
being turned out of Doors. Of three several Elopements, as many
close confinements--nine separate maintenances and two Divorces.--
nay I have more than once traced her causing a Tete-a-Tete in the
Town and Country Magazine--when the Parties perhaps had never seen
each other's Faces before in the course of their Lives.
VERJUICE. She certainly has Talents.
LADY SNEERWELL. But her manner is gross.
VERJUICE. 'Tis very true. She generally designs well[,] has
a free tongue and a bold invention--but her colouring is too dark
and her outline often extravagant--She wants that delicacy of
Tint--and mellowness of sneer--which distinguish your Ladyship's
Scandal.
LADY SNEERWELL. Ah you are Partial Verjuice.
VERJUICE. Not in the least--everybody allows that Lady Sneerwell
can do more with a word or a Look than many can with the most
laboured Detail even when they happen to have a little truth
on their side to support it.
LADY SNEERWELL. Yes my dear Verjuice. I am no Hypocrite to deny
the satisfaction I reap from the Success of my Efforts. Wounded
myself, in the early part of my Life by the envenomed Tongue of
Slander I confess I have since known no Pleasure equal to the
reducing others to the Level of my own injured Reputation.
VERJUICE. Nothing can be more natural--But my dear Lady Sneerwell
There is one affair in which you have lately employed me, wherein,
I confess I am at a Loss to guess your motives.
LADY SNEERWELL. I conceive you mean with respect to my neighbour,
Sir Peter Teazle, and his Family--Lappet.--And has my conduct
in this matter really appeared to you so mysterious?
[Exit MAID.]
VERJUICE. Entirely so.
LADY SNEERWELL. [VERJUICE.?] An old Batchelor as Sir Peter was[,]
having taken a young wife from out of the Country--as Lady Teazle
is--are certainly fair subjects for a little mischievous raillery--
but here are two young men--to whom Sir Peter has acted as a kind
of Guardian since their Father's death, the eldest possessing
the most amiable Character and universally well spoken of[,]
the youngest the most dissipated and extravagant young Fellow
in the Kingdom, without Friends or caracter--the former one
an avowed admirer of yours and apparently your Favourite[,]
the latter attached to Maria Sir Peter's ward--and confessedly
beloved by her. Now on the face of these circumstances it is
utterly unaccountable to me why you a young Widow with no great
jointure--should not close with the passion of a man of such
character and expectations as Mr. Surface--and more so why you
should be so uncommonly earnest to destroy the mutual Attachment