The School For Scandal [20]
Trip's Negotiation.
TRIP. Harkee--I heard the Bell--I believe, Gentlemen I can now
introduce you--don't forget the annuity little Moses.
SIR OLIVER. If the man be a shadow of his Master this is the Temple
of Dissipation indeed!
[Exeunt.]
SCENE III.--CHARLES, CARELESS, etc., etc.
At Table with Wine
CHARLES. 'Fore Heaven, 'tis true!--there is the great Degeneracy
of the age--many of our acquaintance have Taste--Spirit, and
Politeness--but plague on't they won't drink----
CARELESS. It is so indeed--Charles--they give into all the
substantial Luxuries of the Table--and abstain from nothing but
wine and wit--Oh, certainly society suffers by it intolerably--
for now instead of the social spirit of Raillery that used
to mantle over a glass of bright Burgundy their conversation
is become just like the Spa water they drink which has all the
Pertness and flatulence of champaine without its spirit or Flavour.
FIRST GENTLEMAN. But what are they to do who love Play better than
wine----
CARELESS. True--there's Harry diets himself--for gaming and is now
under a hazard Regimen.
CHARLES. Then He'll have the worst of it--what you wouldn't train
a horse for the course by keeping him from corn--For my Part egad
I am never so successful as when I'm a little--merry--let me throw
on a Bottle of Champaine and I never lose--at least I never feel
my losses which is exactly the same thing.
SECOND GENTLEMAN. Aye that may be--but it is as impossible to follow
wine and play as to unite Love and Politics.
CHARLES. Pshaw--you may do both--Caesar made Love and Laws
in a Breath--and was liked by the Senate as well as the Ladies--
but no man can pretend to be a Believer in Love, who is an abjurer
of wine--'tis the Test by which a Lover knows his own Heart--
fill a dozen Bumpers to a dozen Beauties, and she that floats
atop is the maid that has bewitched you.
CARELESS. Now then Charles--be honest and give us yours----
CHARLES. Why I have withheld her only in compassion to you--
if I toast her you should give a round of her Peers, which
is impossible! on earth!
CARELESS. O, then we'll find some canonized Vestals or heathen
Goddesses that will do I warrant----
CHARLES. Here then--Bumpers--you Rogues--Bumpers! Maria--Maria----
FIRST GENTLEMAN. Maria who?
CHARLES. Oh, damn the Surname 'tis too formal to be register'd
in Love's calendar--but now Careless beware--beware--we must have
Beauty's superlative.
FIRST GENTLEMAN. Nay Never study[,] Careless--we'll stand to the
Toast--tho' your mistress should want an eye--and you know you have
a song will excuse you----
CARELESS. Egad so I have--and I'll give him the song instead
of the Lady.----
SONG.--AND CHORUS--<4>
Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here's to the widow of fifty;
Here's to the flaunting extravagant quean,
And here's to the housewife that's thrifty.
Chorus. Let the toast pass,--
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for a glass.
Here's to the charmer whose dimples we prize;
Now to the maid who has none, sir;
Here's to the girl with a pair of blue eyes,
And here's to the nymph with but one, sir.
Chorus. Let the toast pass, &c.
Here's to the maid with a bosom of snow:
Now to her that's as brown as a berry:
Here's to the wife with a face full of woe,
And now to the damsel that's merry.
Chorus. Let the toast pass, &c.
For let 'em be clumsy, or let 'em be slim,
Young or ancient, I care not a feather;
So fill a pint bumper quite up to the brim,
So fill up your glasses, nay, fill to the brim,
And let us e'en toast them together.
Chorus. Let the toast pass, &c.
[Enter TRIP whispers CHARLES]
SECOND GENTLEMAN. Bravo Careless--Ther's Toast and Sentiment too.
FIRST GENTLEMAN. E' faith there's infinite charity in that song.----
CHARLES. Gentlemen, you must excuse me a little.--Careless,
take the Chair, will you?
CARELESS. Nay prithee, Charles--what now--this is one of
TRIP. Harkee--I heard the Bell--I believe, Gentlemen I can now
introduce you--don't forget the annuity little Moses.
SIR OLIVER. If the man be a shadow of his Master this is the Temple
of Dissipation indeed!
[Exeunt.]
SCENE III.--CHARLES, CARELESS, etc., etc.
At Table with Wine
CHARLES. 'Fore Heaven, 'tis true!--there is the great Degeneracy
of the age--many of our acquaintance have Taste--Spirit, and
Politeness--but plague on't they won't drink----
CARELESS. It is so indeed--Charles--they give into all the
substantial Luxuries of the Table--and abstain from nothing but
wine and wit--Oh, certainly society suffers by it intolerably--
for now instead of the social spirit of Raillery that used
to mantle over a glass of bright Burgundy their conversation
is become just like the Spa water they drink which has all the
Pertness and flatulence of champaine without its spirit or Flavour.
FIRST GENTLEMAN. But what are they to do who love Play better than
wine----
CARELESS. True--there's Harry diets himself--for gaming and is now
under a hazard Regimen.
CHARLES. Then He'll have the worst of it--what you wouldn't train
a horse for the course by keeping him from corn--For my Part egad
I am never so successful as when I'm a little--merry--let me throw
on a Bottle of Champaine and I never lose--at least I never feel
my losses which is exactly the same thing.
SECOND GENTLEMAN. Aye that may be--but it is as impossible to follow
wine and play as to unite Love and Politics.
CHARLES. Pshaw--you may do both--Caesar made Love and Laws
in a Breath--and was liked by the Senate as well as the Ladies--
but no man can pretend to be a Believer in Love, who is an abjurer
of wine--'tis the Test by which a Lover knows his own Heart--
fill a dozen Bumpers to a dozen Beauties, and she that floats
atop is the maid that has bewitched you.
CARELESS. Now then Charles--be honest and give us yours----
CHARLES. Why I have withheld her only in compassion to you--
if I toast her you should give a round of her Peers, which
is impossible! on earth!
CARELESS. O, then we'll find some canonized Vestals or heathen
Goddesses that will do I warrant----
CHARLES. Here then--Bumpers--you Rogues--Bumpers! Maria--Maria----
FIRST GENTLEMAN. Maria who?
CHARLES. Oh, damn the Surname 'tis too formal to be register'd
in Love's calendar--but now Careless beware--beware--we must have
Beauty's superlative.
FIRST GENTLEMAN. Nay Never study[,] Careless--we'll stand to the
Toast--tho' your mistress should want an eye--and you know you have
a song will excuse you----
CARELESS. Egad so I have--and I'll give him the song instead
of the Lady.----
SONG.--AND CHORUS--<4>
Here's to the maiden of bashful fifteen;
Here's to the widow of fifty;
Here's to the flaunting extravagant quean,
And here's to the housewife that's thrifty.
Chorus. Let the toast pass,--
Drink to the lass,
I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for a glass.
Here's to the charmer whose dimples we prize;
Now to the maid who has none, sir;
Here's to the girl with a pair of blue eyes,
And here's to the nymph with but one, sir.
Chorus. Let the toast pass, &c.
Here's to the maid with a bosom of snow:
Now to her that's as brown as a berry:
Here's to the wife with a face full of woe,
And now to the damsel that's merry.
Chorus. Let the toast pass, &c.
For let 'em be clumsy, or let 'em be slim,
Young or ancient, I care not a feather;
So fill a pint bumper quite up to the brim,
So fill up your glasses, nay, fill to the brim,
And let us e'en toast them together.
Chorus. Let the toast pass, &c.
[Enter TRIP whispers CHARLES]
SECOND GENTLEMAN. Bravo Careless--Ther's Toast and Sentiment too.
FIRST GENTLEMAN. E' faith there's infinite charity in that song.----
CHARLES. Gentlemen, you must excuse me a little.--Careless,
take the Chair, will you?
CARELESS. Nay prithee, Charles--what now--this is one of