The School For Scandal [30]
Charles comes--let me conceal myself somewhere--Then do you tax him
on the Point we have been talking on--and his answers may satisfy me
at once.--
SURFACE. O Fie--Sir Peter--would you have ME join in so mean
a Trick? to trepan my Brother too?
SIR PETER. Nay you tell me you are SURE He is innocent--if so you
do him the greatest service in giving him an opportunity to clear
himself--and--you will set my Heart at rest--come you shall not refuse
me--here behind this Screen will be--hey! what the Devil--there seems
to be one listener here already--I'll swear I saw a Petticoat.--
SURFACE. Ha! ha! ha! Well this is ridiculous enough--I'll tell you,
Sir Peter--tho' I hold a man of Intrigue to be a most despicable
Character--yet you know it doesn't follow that a man is to be an
absolute Joseph either--hark'ee--'tis a little French Milliner--
a silly Rogue that plagues me--and having some character, on your
coming she ran behind the Screen.--
SIR PETER. Ah a Rogue--but 'egad she has overheard all I have been
saying of my Wife.
SURFACE. O 'twill never go any farther, you may depend on't.
SIR PETER. No!--then efaith let her hear it out.--Here's a Closet
will do as well.--
SURFACE. Well, go in there.--
SIR PETER. Sly rogue--sly Rogue.--
SURFACE. Gad's my Life what an Escape--! and a curious situation
I'm in!--to part man and wife in this manner.--
LADY TEAZLE. [peeps out.] Couldn't I steal off--
SURFACE. Keep close, my Angel!
SIR PETER. [Peeping out.] Joseph--tax him home.
SURFACE. Back--my dear Friend
LADY TEAZLE. [Peeping out.] Couldn't you lock Sir Peter in?--
SURFACE. Be still--my Life!
SIR PETER. [Peeping.] You're sure the little Milliner won't blab?
SURFACE. In! in! my good Sir Peter--'Fore Gad, I wish I had a key
to the Door.
Enter CHARLES
CHARLES. Hollo! Brother--what has been the matter? your Fellow
wouldn't let me up at first--What[?] have you had a Jew or a wench
with you.--
SURFACE. Neither Brother I assure you.
CHARLES. But--what has made Sir Peter steal off--I thought He had
been with you--
SURFACE. He WAS Brother--but hearing you were coming He didn't
chuse to stay--
CHARLES. What[!] was the old Gentleman afraid I wanted to borrow
money of him?
SURFACE. No Sir--but I am sorry to find[,] Charles--you have lately
given that worthy man grounds for great Uneasiness.
CHARLES. Yes they tell me I do that to a great many worthy men--
but how so Pray?
SURFACE. To be plain with you Brother He thinks you are endeavouring
to gain Lady Teazle's Affections from him.
CHARLES. Who I--O Lud! not I upon my word.--Ha! ha! ha! so the old
Fellow has found out that He has got a young wife has He? or what's
worse she has discover'd that she has an old Husband?
SURFACE. This is no subject to jest on Brother--He who can laugh----
CHARLES. True true as you were going to say--then seriously I never
had the least idea of what you charge me with, upon my honour.
SURFACE. Well it will give Sir Peter great satisfaction to hear this.
CHARLES. [Aloud.] To be sure, I once thought the lady seemed
to have taken a fancy--but upon my soul I never gave her the least
encouragement.--Beside you know my Attachment to Maria--
SURFACE. But sure Brother even if Lady Teazle had betray'd the
fondest Partiality for you----
CHARLES. Why--look'ee Joseph--I hope I shall never deliberately
do a dishonourable Action--but if a pretty woman was purposely
to throw herself in my way--and that pretty woman married to a man
old enough to be her Father----
SURFACE. Well?
CHARLES. Why I believe I should be obliged to borrow a little of your
Morality, that's all.--but, Brother do you know now that you surprize
me exceedingly by naming me with Lady Teazle--for faith I always
understood YOU were her Favourite--
SURFACE. O for shame--Charles--This retort is Foolish.
CHARLES. Nay I swear I have seen you exchange such significant
Glances----
SURFACE. Nay--nay--Sir--this is no jest--
CHARLES.