The School For Scandal [31]
Egad--I'm serious--Don't you remember--one Day, when
I called here----
SURFACE. Nay--prithee--Charles
CHARLES. And found you together----
SURFACE. Zounds, Sir--I insist----
CHARLES. And another time when your Servant----
SURFACE. Brother--brother a word with you--Gad I must stop him--
[Aside.]
CHARLES. Informed--me that----
SURFACE. Hush!--I beg your Pardon but Sir Peter has overheard all
we have been saying--I knew you would clear yourself, or I shouldn't
have consented--
CHARLES. How Sir Peter--Where is He--
SURFACE. Softly, there! [Points to the closet.]
CHARLES. [In the Closet!] O 'fore Heaven I'll have him out--
Sir Peter come forth!
SURFACE. No--no----
CHARLES. I say Sir Peter--come into court.--
[Pulls in SIR PETER.]
What--my old Guardian--what[!] turn inquisitor and take evidence
incog.--
SIR PETER. Give me your hand--Charles--I believe I have suspected
you wrongfully; but you mustn't be angry with Joseph--'twas my Plan--
CHARLES. Indeed!--
SIR PETER. But I acquit you--I promise you I don't think near so ill
of you as I did--what I have heard has given me great satisfaction.
CHARLES. Egad then 'twas lucky you didn't hear any more. Wasn't it
Joseph?
SIR PETER. Ah! you would have retorted on him.
CHARLES. Aye--aye--that was a Joke.
SIR PETER. Yes, yes, I know his honor too well.
CHARLES. Yet you might as well have suspected him as me in this
matter, for all that--mightn't He, Joseph?
SIR PETER. Well well I believe you--
SURFACE. Would they were both out of the Room!
Enter SERVANT, whispers SURFACE
SIR PETER. And in future perhaps we may not be such Strangers.
SURFACE. Gentlemen--I beg Pardon--I must wait on you downstairs--
Here is a Person come on particular Business----
CHARLES. Well you can see him in another Room--Sir Peter and
I haven't met a long time and I have something to say [to] him.
SURFACE. They must not be left together.--I'll send this man away
and return directly--
[SURFACE goes out.]
SIR PETER. Ah--Charles if you associated more with your Brother,
one might indeed hope for your reformation--He is a man of Sentiment--
Well! there is nothing in the world so noble as a man of Sentiment!
CHARLES. Pshaw! He is too moral by half--and so apprehensive of
his good Name, as he calls it, that I suppose He would as soon let
a Priest in his House as a Girl--
SIR PETER. No--no--come come,--you wrong him. No, no, Joseph is no
Rake but he is no such Saint in that respect either. I have a great
mind to tell him--we should have such a Laugh!
CHARLES. Oh, hang him? He's a very Anchorite--a young Hermit!
SIR PETER. Harkee--you must not abuse him, he may chance to hear
of it again I promise you.
CHARLES. Why you won't tell him?
SIR PETER. No--but--this way. Egad, I'll tell him--Harkee, have
you a mind to have a good laugh against Joseph?
CHARLES. I should like it of all things--
SIR PETER. Then, E'faith, we will--I'll be quit with him for
discovering me.--He had a girl with him when I called. [Whispers.]
CHARLES. What[!] Joseph[!] you jest--
SIR PETER. Hush!--a little French Milliner--and the best of the jest
is--she's in the room now.
CHARLES. The devil she is--
SIR PETER. Hush! I tell you. [Points.]
CHARLES. Behind the screen! Odds Life, let's unveil her!
SIR PETER. No--no! He's coming--you shan't indeed!
CHARLES. Oh, egad, we'll have a peep at the little milliner!
SIR PETER. Not for the world--Joseph will never forgive me.
CHARLES. I'll stand by you----
SIR PETER. Odds Life! Here He's coming--
[SURFACE enters just as CHARLES throws down the Screen.]
Re-enter JOSEPH SURFACE
CHARLES. Lady Teazle! by all that's wonderful!
SIR PETER. Lady Teazle! by all that's Horrible!
CHARLES. Sir Peter--This is one of the smartest French Milliners
I ever saw!--Egad, you seem all to have been diverting yourselves
here at Hide and Seek--and I don't see who is out of the Secret!--
I called here----
SURFACE. Nay--prithee--Charles
CHARLES. And found you together----
SURFACE. Zounds, Sir--I insist----
CHARLES. And another time when your Servant----
SURFACE. Brother--brother a word with you--Gad I must stop him--
[Aside.]
CHARLES. Informed--me that----
SURFACE. Hush!--I beg your Pardon but Sir Peter has overheard all
we have been saying--I knew you would clear yourself, or I shouldn't
have consented--
CHARLES. How Sir Peter--Where is He--
SURFACE. Softly, there! [Points to the closet.]
CHARLES. [In the Closet!] O 'fore Heaven I'll have him out--
Sir Peter come forth!
SURFACE. No--no----
CHARLES. I say Sir Peter--come into court.--
[Pulls in SIR PETER.]
What--my old Guardian--what[!] turn inquisitor and take evidence
incog.--
SIR PETER. Give me your hand--Charles--I believe I have suspected
you wrongfully; but you mustn't be angry with Joseph--'twas my Plan--
CHARLES. Indeed!--
SIR PETER. But I acquit you--I promise you I don't think near so ill
of you as I did--what I have heard has given me great satisfaction.
CHARLES. Egad then 'twas lucky you didn't hear any more. Wasn't it
Joseph?
SIR PETER. Ah! you would have retorted on him.
CHARLES. Aye--aye--that was a Joke.
SIR PETER. Yes, yes, I know his honor too well.
CHARLES. Yet you might as well have suspected him as me in this
matter, for all that--mightn't He, Joseph?
SIR PETER. Well well I believe you--
SURFACE. Would they were both out of the Room!
Enter SERVANT, whispers SURFACE
SIR PETER. And in future perhaps we may not be such Strangers.
SURFACE. Gentlemen--I beg Pardon--I must wait on you downstairs--
Here is a Person come on particular Business----
CHARLES. Well you can see him in another Room--Sir Peter and
I haven't met a long time and I have something to say [to] him.
SURFACE. They must not be left together.--I'll send this man away
and return directly--
[SURFACE goes out.]
SIR PETER. Ah--Charles if you associated more with your Brother,
one might indeed hope for your reformation--He is a man of Sentiment--
Well! there is nothing in the world so noble as a man of Sentiment!
CHARLES. Pshaw! He is too moral by half--and so apprehensive of
his good Name, as he calls it, that I suppose He would as soon let
a Priest in his House as a Girl--
SIR PETER. No--no--come come,--you wrong him. No, no, Joseph is no
Rake but he is no such Saint in that respect either. I have a great
mind to tell him--we should have such a Laugh!
CHARLES. Oh, hang him? He's a very Anchorite--a young Hermit!
SIR PETER. Harkee--you must not abuse him, he may chance to hear
of it again I promise you.
CHARLES. Why you won't tell him?
SIR PETER. No--but--this way. Egad, I'll tell him--Harkee, have
you a mind to have a good laugh against Joseph?
CHARLES. I should like it of all things--
SIR PETER. Then, E'faith, we will--I'll be quit with him for
discovering me.--He had a girl with him when I called. [Whispers.]
CHARLES. What[!] Joseph[!] you jest--
SIR PETER. Hush!--a little French Milliner--and the best of the jest
is--she's in the room now.
CHARLES. The devil she is--
SIR PETER. Hush! I tell you. [Points.]
CHARLES. Behind the screen! Odds Life, let's unveil her!
SIR PETER. No--no! He's coming--you shan't indeed!
CHARLES. Oh, egad, we'll have a peep at the little milliner!
SIR PETER. Not for the world--Joseph will never forgive me.
CHARLES. I'll stand by you----
SIR PETER. Odds Life! Here He's coming--
[SURFACE enters just as CHARLES throws down the Screen.]
Re-enter JOSEPH SURFACE
CHARLES. Lady Teazle! by all that's wonderful!
SIR PETER. Lady Teazle! by all that's Horrible!
CHARLES. Sir Peter--This is one of the smartest French Milliners
I ever saw!--Egad, you seem all to have been diverting yourselves
here at Hide and Seek--and I don't see who is out of the Secret!--