The School For Scandal [33]
listen to other People's
Distresses!--I shan't be able to bestow even a benevolent sentiment
on Stanley--So! here--He comes and Rowley with him--I MUST try to
recover myself, and put a little Charity into my Face however.----
[Exit.]
Enter SIR OLIVER and ROWLEY
SIR OLIVER. What! does He avoid us? that was He--was it not?
ROWLEY. It was Sir--but I doubt you are come a little too abruptly--
his Nerves are so weak that the sight of a poor Relation may be too
much for him--I should have gone first to break you to him.
SIR OLIVER. A Plague of his Nerves--yet this is He whom Sir Peter
extolls as a Man of the most Benevolent way of thinking!--
ROWLEY. As to his way of thinking--I can't pretend to decide[,]
for, to do him justice He appears to have as much speculative
Benevolence as any private Gentleman in the Kingdom--though he is
seldom so sensual as to indulge himself in the exercise of it----
SIR OLIVER. Yet [he] has a string of charitable Sentiments I suppose
at his Fingers' ends!--
ROWLEY. Or, rather at his Tongue's end Sir Oliver; for I believe
there is no sentiment he has more faith in than that 'Charity begins
at Home.'
SIR OLIVER. And his I presume is of that domestic sort which never
stirs abroad at all.
ROWLEY. I doubt you'll find it so--but He's coming--I mustn't seem
to interrupt you--and you know immediately--as you leave him--I come
in to announce--your arrival in your real Character.
SIR OLIVER. True--and afterwards you'll meet me at Sir Peter's----
ROWLEY. Without losing a moment.
[Exit.]
SIR OLIVER. So--I see he has premeditated a Denial by the
Complaisance of his Features.
Enter SURFACE
SURFACE. Sir--I beg you ten thousand Pardons for keeping--
you a moment waiting--Mr. Stanley--I presume----
SIR OLIVER. At your Service.
SURFACE. Sir--I beg you will do me the honour to sit down--
I entreat you Sir.
SIR OLIVER. Dear Sir there's no occasion--too civil by half!
SURFACE. I have not the Pleasure of knowing you, Mr. Stanley--
but I am extremely happy to see you look so well--you were nearly
related to my mother--I think Mr. Stanley----
SIR OLIVER. I was Sir--so nearly that my present Poverty I fear
may do discredit to her Wealthy Children--else I should not
have presumed to trouble you.--
SURFACE. Dear Sir--there needs no apology--He that is in Distress
tho' a stranger has a right to claim kindred with the wealthy--
I am sure I wish I was of that class, and had it in my power
to offer you even a small relief.
SIR OLIVER. If your Unkle, Sir Oliver were here--I should have
a Friend----
SURFACE. I wish He was Sir, with all my Heart--you should not want
an advocate with him--believe me Sir.
SIR OLIVER. I should not need one--my Distresses would recommend
me.--but I imagined--his Bounty had enabled you to become the agent
of his Charity.
SURFACE. My dear Sir--you are strangely misinformed--Sir Oliver
is a worthy Man, a worthy man--a very worthy sort of Man--but avarice
Mr. Stanley is the vice of age--I will tell you my good Sir in
confidence:--what he has done for me has been a mere--nothing[;]
tho' People I know have thought otherwise and for my Part I never
chose to contradict the Report.
SIR OLIVER. What!--has he never transmitted--you--Bullion--Rupees--
Pagodas!
SURFACE. O Dear Sir--Nothing of the kind--no--no--a few Presents
now and then--china, shawls, congo Tea, Avadavats--and indian
Crackers--little more, believe me.
SIR OLIVER. Here's Gratitude for twelve thousand pounds!--
Avadavats and indian Crackers.
SURFACE. Then my dear--Sir--you have heard, I doubt not, of the
extravagance of my Brother--Sir--there are very few would credit
what I have done for that unfortunate young man.
SIR OLIVER. Not I for one!
SURFACE. The sums I have lent him! indeed--I have been exceedingly
to blame--it was an amiable weakness! however I don't pretend
to defend it--and now I feel it doubly culpable--since it has
deprived me of the power of serving YOU
Distresses!--I shan't be able to bestow even a benevolent sentiment
on Stanley--So! here--He comes and Rowley with him--I MUST try to
recover myself, and put a little Charity into my Face however.----
[Exit.]
Enter SIR OLIVER and ROWLEY
SIR OLIVER. What! does He avoid us? that was He--was it not?
ROWLEY. It was Sir--but I doubt you are come a little too abruptly--
his Nerves are so weak that the sight of a poor Relation may be too
much for him--I should have gone first to break you to him.
SIR OLIVER. A Plague of his Nerves--yet this is He whom Sir Peter
extolls as a Man of the most Benevolent way of thinking!--
ROWLEY. As to his way of thinking--I can't pretend to decide[,]
for, to do him justice He appears to have as much speculative
Benevolence as any private Gentleman in the Kingdom--though he is
seldom so sensual as to indulge himself in the exercise of it----
SIR OLIVER. Yet [he] has a string of charitable Sentiments I suppose
at his Fingers' ends!--
ROWLEY. Or, rather at his Tongue's end Sir Oliver; for I believe
there is no sentiment he has more faith in than that 'Charity begins
at Home.'
SIR OLIVER. And his I presume is of that domestic sort which never
stirs abroad at all.
ROWLEY. I doubt you'll find it so--but He's coming--I mustn't seem
to interrupt you--and you know immediately--as you leave him--I come
in to announce--your arrival in your real Character.
SIR OLIVER. True--and afterwards you'll meet me at Sir Peter's----
ROWLEY. Without losing a moment.
[Exit.]
SIR OLIVER. So--I see he has premeditated a Denial by the
Complaisance of his Features.
Enter SURFACE
SURFACE. Sir--I beg you ten thousand Pardons for keeping--
you a moment waiting--Mr. Stanley--I presume----
SIR OLIVER. At your Service.
SURFACE. Sir--I beg you will do me the honour to sit down--
I entreat you Sir.
SIR OLIVER. Dear Sir there's no occasion--too civil by half!
SURFACE. I have not the Pleasure of knowing you, Mr. Stanley--
but I am extremely happy to see you look so well--you were nearly
related to my mother--I think Mr. Stanley----
SIR OLIVER. I was Sir--so nearly that my present Poverty I fear
may do discredit to her Wealthy Children--else I should not
have presumed to trouble you.--
SURFACE. Dear Sir--there needs no apology--He that is in Distress
tho' a stranger has a right to claim kindred with the wealthy--
I am sure I wish I was of that class, and had it in my power
to offer you even a small relief.
SIR OLIVER. If your Unkle, Sir Oliver were here--I should have
a Friend----
SURFACE. I wish He was Sir, with all my Heart--you should not want
an advocate with him--believe me Sir.
SIR OLIVER. I should not need one--my Distresses would recommend
me.--but I imagined--his Bounty had enabled you to become the agent
of his Charity.
SURFACE. My dear Sir--you are strangely misinformed--Sir Oliver
is a worthy Man, a worthy man--a very worthy sort of Man--but avarice
Mr. Stanley is the vice of age--I will tell you my good Sir in
confidence:--what he has done for me has been a mere--nothing[;]
tho' People I know have thought otherwise and for my Part I never
chose to contradict the Report.
SIR OLIVER. What!--has he never transmitted--you--Bullion--Rupees--
Pagodas!
SURFACE. O Dear Sir--Nothing of the kind--no--no--a few Presents
now and then--china, shawls, congo Tea, Avadavats--and indian
Crackers--little more, believe me.
SIR OLIVER. Here's Gratitude for twelve thousand pounds!--
Avadavats and indian Crackers.
SURFACE. Then my dear--Sir--you have heard, I doubt not, of the
extravagance of my Brother--Sir--there are very few would credit
what I have done for that unfortunate young man.
SIR OLIVER. Not I for one!
SURFACE. The sums I have lent him! indeed--I have been exceedingly
to blame--it was an amiable weakness! however I don't pretend
to defend it--and now I feel it doubly culpable--since it has
deprived me of the power of serving YOU