The School For Scandal [34]
Mr. Stanley as my Heart
directs----
SIR OLIVER. Dissembler! Then Sir--you cannot assist me?
SURFACE. At Present it grieves me to say I cannot--but whenever
I have the ability, you may depend upon hearing from me.
SIR OLIVER. I am extremely sorry----
SURFACE. Not more than I am believe me--to pity without the Power
to relieve is still more painful than to ask and be denied----
SIR OLIVER. Kind Sir--your most obedient humble servant.
SURFACE. You leave me deeply affected Mr. Stanley--William--
be ready to open the door----
SIR OLIVER. O, Dear Sir, no ceremony----
SURFACE. Your very obedient----
SIR OLIVER. Your most obsequious----
SURFACE. You may depend on hearing from me whenever I can be
of service----
SIR OLIVER. Sweet Sir--you are too good----
SURFACE. In the mean time I wish you Health and Spirits----
SIR OLIVER. Your ever grateful and perpetual humble Servant----
SURFACE. Sir--yours as sincerely----
SIR OLIVER. Charles!--you are my Heir.
[Exit.]
SURFACE, solus
Soh!--This is one bad effect of a good Character--it invites
applications from the unfortunate and there needs no small degree
of address to gain the reputation of Benevolence without incurring
the expence.--The silver ore of pure Charity is an expensive article
in the catalogue of a man's good Qualities--whereas the sentimental
French Plate I use instead of it makes just as good a shew--and pays
no tax.
Enter ROWLEY
ROWLEY. Mr. Surface--your Servant: I was apprehensive of
interrupting you, tho' my Business demands immediate attention--
as this Note will inform you----
SURFACE. Always Happy to see Mr. Rowley--how--Oliver--Surface!--
My Unkle arrived!
ROWLEY. He is indeed--we have just parted--quite well--after
a speedy voyage--and impatient to embrace his worthy Nephew.
SURFACE. I am astonished!--William[!] stop Mr. Stanley, if He's not
gone----
ROWLEY. O--He's out of reach--I believe.
SURFACE. Why didn't you let me know this when you came in together.--
ROWLEY. I thought you had particular--Business--but must be gone
to inform your Brother, and appoint him here to meet his Uncle.
He will be with you in a quarter of an hour----
SURFACE. So he says. Well--I am strangely overjoy'd at his coming--
never to be sure was anything so damn'd unlucky!
ROWLEY. You will be delighted to see how well He looks.
SURFACE. O--I'm rejoiced to hear it--just at this time----
ROWLEY. I'll tell him how impatiently you expect him----
SURFACE. Do--do--pray--give my best duty and affection--indeed,
I cannot express the sensations I feel at the thought of seeing
him!--certainly his coming just at this Time is the cruellest
piece of ill Fortune----
[Exeunt.]
SCENE II.--At SIR PETER'S House
Enter MRS. CANDOUR and SERVANT
SERVANT. Indeed Ma'am, my Lady will see nobody at Present.
MRS. CANDOUR. Did you tell her it was her Friend Mrs. Candour----
SERVANT. Yes Ma'am but she begs you will excuse her----
MRS. CANDOUR. Do go again--I shall be glad to see her if it be
only for a moment--for I am sure she must be in great Distress
[exit MAID]
--Dear Heart--how provoking!--I'm not mistress of half the
circumstances!--We shall have the whole affair in the newspapers
with the Names of the Parties at length before I have dropt the story
at a dozen houses.
Enter SIR BENJAMIN
Sir Benjamin you have heard, I suppose----
SIR BENJAMIN. Of Lady Teazle and Mr. Surface----
MRS. CANDOUR. And Sir Peter's Discovery----
SIR BENJAMIN. O the strangest Piece of Business to be sure----
MRS. CANDOUR. Well I never was so surprised in my life!--I am so
sorry for all Parties--indeed,
SIR BENJAMIN. Now I don't Pity Sir Peter at all--he was so
extravagant--partial to Mr. Surface----
MRS. CANDOUR. Mr. Surface!--why 'twas with Charles Lady Teazle
was detected.
SIR BENJAMIN. No such thing Mr. Surface is the gallant.
MRS. CANDOUR. No--no--Charles is the man--'twas Mr. Surface brought
directs----
SIR OLIVER. Dissembler! Then Sir--you cannot assist me?
SURFACE. At Present it grieves me to say I cannot--but whenever
I have the ability, you may depend upon hearing from me.
SIR OLIVER. I am extremely sorry----
SURFACE. Not more than I am believe me--to pity without the Power
to relieve is still more painful than to ask and be denied----
SIR OLIVER. Kind Sir--your most obedient humble servant.
SURFACE. You leave me deeply affected Mr. Stanley--William--
be ready to open the door----
SIR OLIVER. O, Dear Sir, no ceremony----
SURFACE. Your very obedient----
SIR OLIVER. Your most obsequious----
SURFACE. You may depend on hearing from me whenever I can be
of service----
SIR OLIVER. Sweet Sir--you are too good----
SURFACE. In the mean time I wish you Health and Spirits----
SIR OLIVER. Your ever grateful and perpetual humble Servant----
SURFACE. Sir--yours as sincerely----
SIR OLIVER. Charles!--you are my Heir.
[Exit.]
SURFACE, solus
Soh!--This is one bad effect of a good Character--it invites
applications from the unfortunate and there needs no small degree
of address to gain the reputation of Benevolence without incurring
the expence.--The silver ore of pure Charity is an expensive article
in the catalogue of a man's good Qualities--whereas the sentimental
French Plate I use instead of it makes just as good a shew--and pays
no tax.
Enter ROWLEY
ROWLEY. Mr. Surface--your Servant: I was apprehensive of
interrupting you, tho' my Business demands immediate attention--
as this Note will inform you----
SURFACE. Always Happy to see Mr. Rowley--how--Oliver--Surface!--
My Unkle arrived!
ROWLEY. He is indeed--we have just parted--quite well--after
a speedy voyage--and impatient to embrace his worthy Nephew.
SURFACE. I am astonished!--William[!] stop Mr. Stanley, if He's not
gone----
ROWLEY. O--He's out of reach--I believe.
SURFACE. Why didn't you let me know this when you came in together.--
ROWLEY. I thought you had particular--Business--but must be gone
to inform your Brother, and appoint him here to meet his Uncle.
He will be with you in a quarter of an hour----
SURFACE. So he says. Well--I am strangely overjoy'd at his coming--
never to be sure was anything so damn'd unlucky!
ROWLEY. You will be delighted to see how well He looks.
SURFACE. O--I'm rejoiced to hear it--just at this time----
ROWLEY. I'll tell him how impatiently you expect him----
SURFACE. Do--do--pray--give my best duty and affection--indeed,
I cannot express the sensations I feel at the thought of seeing
him!--certainly his coming just at this Time is the cruellest
piece of ill Fortune----
[Exeunt.]
SCENE II.--At SIR PETER'S House
Enter MRS. CANDOUR and SERVANT
SERVANT. Indeed Ma'am, my Lady will see nobody at Present.
MRS. CANDOUR. Did you tell her it was her Friend Mrs. Candour----
SERVANT. Yes Ma'am but she begs you will excuse her----
MRS. CANDOUR. Do go again--I shall be glad to see her if it be
only for a moment--for I am sure she must be in great Distress
[exit MAID]
--Dear Heart--how provoking!--I'm not mistress of half the
circumstances!--We shall have the whole affair in the newspapers
with the Names of the Parties at length before I have dropt the story
at a dozen houses.
Enter SIR BENJAMIN
Sir Benjamin you have heard, I suppose----
SIR BENJAMIN. Of Lady Teazle and Mr. Surface----
MRS. CANDOUR. And Sir Peter's Discovery----
SIR BENJAMIN. O the strangest Piece of Business to be sure----
MRS. CANDOUR. Well I never was so surprised in my life!--I am so
sorry for all Parties--indeed,
SIR BENJAMIN. Now I don't Pity Sir Peter at all--he was so
extravagant--partial to Mr. Surface----
MRS. CANDOUR. Mr. Surface!--why 'twas with Charles Lady Teazle
was detected.
SIR BENJAMIN. No such thing Mr. Surface is the gallant.
MRS. CANDOUR. No--no--Charles is the man--'twas Mr. Surface brought