The School For Scandal [5]
there is no minding what one hears; tho' to be sure I had this from
very good authority.
MARIA. Such reports are highly scandalous.
MRS. CANDOUR. So they are Child--shameful! shameful! but the world
is so censorious no character escapes. Lord, now! who would have
suspected your friend, Miss Prim, of an indiscretion Yet such is the
ill-nature of people, that they say her unkle stopped her last week
just as she was stepping into a Postchaise with her Dancing-master.
MARIA. I'll answer for't there are no grounds for the Report.
MRS. CANDOUR. Oh, no foundation in the world I dare swear[;]
no more probably than for the story circulated last month,
of Mrs. Festino's affair with Colonel Cassino--tho' to be sure
that matter was never rightly clear'd up.
SURFACE. The license of invention some people take is monstrous
indeed.
MARIA. 'Tis so but in my opinion, those who report such things
are equally culpable.
MRS. CANDOUR. To be sure they are[;] Tale Bearers are as bad as
the Tale makers--'tis an old observation and a very true one--but
what's to be done as I said before--how will you prevent People from
talking--to-day, Mrs. Clackitt assured me, Mr. and Mrs. Honeymoon
were at last become mere man and wife--like [the rest of their]
acquaintance--she likewise hinted that a certain widow in the next
street had got rid of her Dropsy and recovered her shape in a most
surprising manner--at the same [time] Miss Tattle, who was by
affirm'd, that Lord Boffalo had discover'd his Lady at a house of
no extraordinary Fame--and that Sir Harry Bouquet and Tom Saunter
were to measure swords on a similar Provocation. but--Lord! do you
think I would report these Things--No, no[!] Tale Bearers as I said
before are just as bad as the talemakers.
SURFACE. Ah! Mrs. Candour, if everybody had your Forbearance and
good nature--
MRS. CANDOUR. I confess Mr. Surface I cannot bear to hear People
traduced behind their Backs[;] and when ugly circumstances come out
against our acquaintances I own I always love to think the best--by
the bye I hope 'tis not true that your Brother is absolutely ruin'd--
SURFACE. I am afraid his circumstances are very bad indeed, Ma'am--
MRS. CANDOUR. Ah! I heard so--but you must tell him to keep up
his Spirits--everybody almost is in the same way--Lord Spindle,
Sir Thomas Splint, Captain Quinze, and Mr. Nickit--all up, I hear,
within this week; so, if Charles is undone, He'll find half his
Acquaintance ruin'd too, and that, you know, is a consolation--
SURFACE. Doubtless, Ma'am--a very great one.
Enter SERVANT
SERVANT. Mr. Crabtree and Sir Benjamin Backbite.
LADY SNEERWELL. Soh! Maria, you see your lover pursues you--
Positively you shan't escape.
Enter CRABTREE and SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE
CRABTREE. Lady Sneerwell, I kiss your hand. Mrs. Candour I don't
believe you are acquainted with my Nephew Sir Benjamin Backbite--
Egad, Ma'am, He has a pretty wit--and is a pretty Poet too isn't He
Lady Sneerwell?
SIR BENJAMIN. O fie, Uncle!
CRABTREE. Nay egad it's true--I back him at a Rebus or a Charade
against the best Rhymer in the Kingdom--has your Ladyship heard
the Epigram he wrote last week on Lady Frizzle's Feather catching
Fire--Do Benjamin repeat it--or the Charade you made last Night
extempore at Mrs. Drowzie's conversazione--Come now your first
is the Name of a Fish, your second a great naval commander--and
SIR BENJAMIN. Dear Uncle--now--prithee----
CRABTREE. Efaith, Ma'am--'twould surprise you to hear how ready
he is at all these Things.
LADY SNEERWELL. I wonder Sir Benjamin you never publish anything.
SIR BENJAMIN. To say truth, Ma'am, 'tis very vulgar to Print and
as my little Productions are mostly Satires and Lampoons I find
they circulate more by giving copies in confidence to the Friends
of the Parties--however I have some love-Elegies, which, when
favoured with this lady's smile I mean to give to the Public.
[Pointing to MARIA.]
CRABTREE. 'Fore Heaven, ma'am, they'll immortalize