The School For Scandal [7]
score Tradesmen waiting
in the Anti-Chamber, and an officer behind every guest's Chair.
SURFACE. This may be entertainment to you Gentlemen but you pay
very little regard to the Feelings of a Brother.
MARIA. Their malice is intolerable--Lady Sneerwell I must wish you
a good morning--I'm not very well.
[Exit MARIA.]
MRS. CANDOUR. O dear she chang'd colour very much!
LADY SNEERWELL. Do Mrs. Candour follow her--she may want assistance.
MRS. CANDOUR. That I will with all my soul ma'am.--Poor dear Girl--
who knows--what her situation may be!
[Exit MRS. CANDOUR.]
LADY SNEERWELL. 'Twas nothing but that she could not bear to hear
Charles reflected on notwithstanding their difference.
SIR BENJAMIN. The young Lady's Penchant is obvious.
CRABTREE. But Benjamin--you mustn't give up the Pursuit for that--
follow her and put her into good humour--repeat her some of your
verses--come, I'll assist you--
SIR BENJAMIN. Mr. Surface I did not mean to hurt you--but depend
on't your Brother is utterly undone--
[Going.]
CRABTREE. O Lud! aye--undone--as ever man was--can't raise a guinea.
SIR BENJAMIN. And everything sold--I'm told--that was movable--
[Going.]
CRABTREE. I was at his house--not a thing left but some empty
Bottles that were overlooked and the Family Pictures, which
I believe are framed in the Wainscot.
[Going.]
SIR BENJAMIN. And I'm very sorry to hear also some bad stories
against him.
[Going.]
CRABTREE. O He has done many mean things--that's certain!
SIR BENJAMIN. But however as He is your Brother----
[Going.]
CRABTREE. We'll tell you all another opportunity.
[Exeunt.]
LADY SNEERWELL. Ha! ha! ha! 'tis very hard for them to leave
a subject they have not quite run down.
SURFACE. And I believe the Abuse was no more acceptable to your
Ladyship than Maria.
LADY SNEERWELL. I doubt her Affections are farther engaged than
we imagin'd but the Family are to be here this Evening so you may
as well dine where you are and we shall have an opportunity of
observing farther--in the meantime, I'll go and plot Mischief
and you shall study Sentiments.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE II.--SIR PETER'S House
Enter SIR PETER
SIR PETER. When an old Bachelor takes a young Wife--what is He
to expect--'Tis now six months since Lady Teazle made me the happiest
of men--and I have been the most miserable Dog ever since that ever
committed wedlock. We tift a little going to church--and came to
a Quarrel before the Bells had done ringing--I was more than once
nearly chok'd with gall during the Honeymoon--and had lost all comfort
in Life before my Friends had done wishing me Joy--yet I chose with
caution--a girl bred wholly in the country--who never knew luxury
beyond one silk gown--nor dissipation above the annual Gala of a
Race-Ball--Yet she now plays her Part in all the extravagant Fopperies
of the Fashion and the Town, with as ready a Grace as if she had never
seen a Bush nor a grass Plot out of Grosvenor-Square! I am sneered at
by my old acquaintance--paragraphed--in the news Papers--
She dissipates my Fortune, and contradicts all my Humours--
yet the worst of it is I doubt I love her or I should never bear
all this. However I'll never be weak enough to own it.
Enter ROWLEY
ROWLEY. Sir Peter, your servant:--how is 't with you Sir--
SIR PETER. Very bad--Master Rowley--very bad[.] I meet with nothing
but crosses and vexations--
ROWLEY. What can have happened to trouble you since yesterday?
SIR PETER. A good--question to a married man--
ROWLEY. Nay I'm sure your Lady Sir Peter can't be the cause of your
uneasiness.
SIR PETER. Why has anybody told you she was dead[?]
ROWLEY. Come, come, Sir Peter, you love her, notwithstanding your
tempers do not exactly agree.
SIR PETER. But the Fault is entirely hers, Master Rowley--I am
myself, the sweetest temper'd man alive, and hate a teasing temper;
and so I tell her a hundred Times a day--
ROWLEY. Indeed!
in the Anti-Chamber, and an officer behind every guest's Chair.
SURFACE. This may be entertainment to you Gentlemen but you pay
very little regard to the Feelings of a Brother.
MARIA. Their malice is intolerable--Lady Sneerwell I must wish you
a good morning--I'm not very well.
[Exit MARIA.]
MRS. CANDOUR. O dear she chang'd colour very much!
LADY SNEERWELL. Do Mrs. Candour follow her--she may want assistance.
MRS. CANDOUR. That I will with all my soul ma'am.--Poor dear Girl--
who knows--what her situation may be!
[Exit MRS. CANDOUR.]
LADY SNEERWELL. 'Twas nothing but that she could not bear to hear
Charles reflected on notwithstanding their difference.
SIR BENJAMIN. The young Lady's Penchant is obvious.
CRABTREE. But Benjamin--you mustn't give up the Pursuit for that--
follow her and put her into good humour--repeat her some of your
verses--come, I'll assist you--
SIR BENJAMIN. Mr. Surface I did not mean to hurt you--but depend
on't your Brother is utterly undone--
[Going.]
CRABTREE. O Lud! aye--undone--as ever man was--can't raise a guinea.
SIR BENJAMIN. And everything sold--I'm told--that was movable--
[Going.]
CRABTREE. I was at his house--not a thing left but some empty
Bottles that were overlooked and the Family Pictures, which
I believe are framed in the Wainscot.
[Going.]
SIR BENJAMIN. And I'm very sorry to hear also some bad stories
against him.
[Going.]
CRABTREE. O He has done many mean things--that's certain!
SIR BENJAMIN. But however as He is your Brother----
[Going.]
CRABTREE. We'll tell you all another opportunity.
[Exeunt.]
LADY SNEERWELL. Ha! ha! ha! 'tis very hard for them to leave
a subject they have not quite run down.
SURFACE. And I believe the Abuse was no more acceptable to your
Ladyship than Maria.
LADY SNEERWELL. I doubt her Affections are farther engaged than
we imagin'd but the Family are to be here this Evening so you may
as well dine where you are and we shall have an opportunity of
observing farther--in the meantime, I'll go and plot Mischief
and you shall study Sentiments.
[Exeunt.]
SCENE II.--SIR PETER'S House
Enter SIR PETER
SIR PETER. When an old Bachelor takes a young Wife--what is He
to expect--'Tis now six months since Lady Teazle made me the happiest
of men--and I have been the most miserable Dog ever since that ever
committed wedlock. We tift a little going to church--and came to
a Quarrel before the Bells had done ringing--I was more than once
nearly chok'd with gall during the Honeymoon--and had lost all comfort
in Life before my Friends had done wishing me Joy--yet I chose with
caution--a girl bred wholly in the country--who never knew luxury
beyond one silk gown--nor dissipation above the annual Gala of a
Race-Ball--Yet she now plays her Part in all the extravagant Fopperies
of the Fashion and the Town, with as ready a Grace as if she had never
seen a Bush nor a grass Plot out of Grosvenor-Square! I am sneered at
by my old acquaintance--paragraphed--in the news Papers--
She dissipates my Fortune, and contradicts all my Humours--
yet the worst of it is I doubt I love her or I should never bear
all this. However I'll never be weak enough to own it.
Enter ROWLEY
ROWLEY. Sir Peter, your servant:--how is 't with you Sir--
SIR PETER. Very bad--Master Rowley--very bad[.] I meet with nothing
but crosses and vexations--
ROWLEY. What can have happened to trouble you since yesterday?
SIR PETER. A good--question to a married man--
ROWLEY. Nay I'm sure your Lady Sir Peter can't be the cause of your
uneasiness.
SIR PETER. Why has anybody told you she was dead[?]
ROWLEY. Come, come, Sir Peter, you love her, notwithstanding your
tempers do not exactly agree.
SIR PETER. But the Fault is entirely hers, Master Rowley--I am
myself, the sweetest temper'd man alive, and hate a teasing temper;
and so I tell her a hundred Times a day--
ROWLEY. Indeed!