The Secret Life of Evie Hamilton - Catherine Alliott [165]
I couldn't help but smile. At his appalled face. His horror. ‘Is that so extraordinary?’ I asked.
‘Well, no,’ he said, momentarily disconcerted. ‘But – he seems to have pursued you relentlessly!’
‘He has,’ I agreed. ‘But don't forget, Ant, at the time I had serious misgivings about where your own gaze was settling. I thought you were entranced by Bella Edgeworth.’
‘So you encouraged him?’
‘No, I didn't encourage him. In fact, if you ask Malcolm, I think you'll find I only agreed to work at the shop if our shifts didn't coincide. If Ludo wasn't there.’
Ant nodded gloomily. ‘I know. Clarence said.’ He brought his knees up to his chest. Hugged them fiercely. ‘Ludo,’ he spat. ‘Stupid name.’
‘Now you're just being childish.’
‘And red roses. What a cliché.’
I smiled. ‘That's how I knew they weren't from you.’
‘I don't do clichés,’ he said defensively.
‘Or flowers, come to that.’
He frowned. ‘Haven't I ever sent you flowers?’
‘You picked me some buttercups, once. When we were in Devon.’
‘I don't remember that.’
‘I do.’
He blanched. Made a face. ‘OK. Maybe I haven't been great in that department.’
‘I've no complaints.’
‘But…’ he hesitated. ‘A little bit of romance…?’
‘Is quite good for the soul,’ I agreed softly.
He sighed. Narrowed his eyes up at the sun. ‘And me, the big expert on the Romantic movement.’
‘Oh, I think Coleridge and the gang would have been fairly horrified by Valentines and flowers.’
‘It's almost an insult, don't you think?’
‘What, to a woman's intelligence?’
‘Let's see if she falls for this old chestnut?’
I shrugged, disinclined to put a stone in his sling. We sat there, shoulder to shoulder, gazing out across the river to the farmhouse, perched on the brow of the hill: solid, square and familiar. Comforting, somehow.
‘So… were you tempted?’
I sensed an unusual desire in Ant, guarded and taciturn by nature, to get to the bottom of this.
‘By Ludo?’
‘Well, he's young, handsome, virile, no doubt,’ he almost spat. ‘And clearly besotted with you.’
‘I was flattered,’ I said finally. ‘And I enjoyed that feeling. The feeling that I was being noticed.’
‘But you didn't confuse it with anything else?’
‘Oh, I didn't fall in love with him,’ I turned, shocked.
He smiled. ‘No, I can see you didn't. Although, I think he did with you.’
I blinked, baffled. ‘God knows why. I mean, look at him.’ He followed my gaze to where Ludo, handsome, smiling and crinkly-eyed, was entertaining Alice's young friends just outside the tent. They swarmed around, flicking back their hair, laughing up at him. ‘And look at me. A frowsty, middle-aged housewife.’ I pulled at my billowing kaftan: laughed. ‘Fading looks, marshmallow for brains—’
‘Big heart,’ he interrupted, giving me his steady look. I met his blue gaze, knowing he wanted to kiss me. But I had a confession – not of the Ludo kind, something else. I looked away.
‘About my heart, Ant,’ I said slowly.
‘What about it?’ He took my hand. I carefully extracted it.
‘I think I should tell you… in fact, it's only fair to tell you, I've been very jealous of Bella Edgeworth. For all sorts of reasons. Brains, beauty, youth, of course, which we now know she doesn't have for much longer…’ I paused. Pushed on. ‘But the thing is, Ant…’ I swallowed; licked my lips. ‘Well, the thing is, I'm not sure that if Bella were to make a miraculous recovery, if a cure for her particularly virulent form of cancer were to be found tomorrow, and she was the first lucky recipient,’ it was all coming out in a mighty rush now, ‘I'm not sure I'd be so magnanimous. I have a nasty feeling that the reason I'm welcoming her daughter – your daughter – so graciously into my home is because her mother is not going to be around. I have an awful feeling I'm not a very nice person.’
There was a silence as Ant digested this.
‘When you told me she was dying, a tiny part of me felt sort