The Secret Lives of Hoarders_ True Stories of Tackling Extreme Clutter - Matt Paxton [35]
▶ Children of Hoarders
Children who grow up in hoarder houses aren’t necessarily hoarders themselves. Beth was seventeen and so overwhelmed by her mother’s lifetime of hoarding that she finally called child social services herself to see what her options were. Beth was leaving for college the following year, but her sister and brother were only twelve and ten. Beth felt obligated to save her siblings and hadn’t been successful in her previous attempts to remedy the situation.
Child Protective Services advised that under such extreme circumstances the minor children could be removed, but they could not promise that Beth’s siblings would be kept together, so Beth confronted her parents one last time with the threat of bringing in CPS. Her parents told her they would never speak to her again if she broke up the family, and Beth backed down.
Over the next six months nothing changed, and Beth canceled her plans to go away to school and enrolled at a local community college so that she could live at home and protect her brother and sister. But a few months after starting her freshman year, Beth dropped out of classes, started to drink heavily, and suffered from depression.
This story didn’t have to have a sad ending. Children living with hoarders can’t be expected to understand the nature of such an illness. And they shouldn’t have to take on the responsibility for trying to remedy the situation, like Beth. Children like Beth feel ashamed, helpless, and marginalized. They grow up not learning how to clean or even tidy up. They never learn how to sort their possessions so that each goes into its own special place. They also don’t learn how to set limits on the items they keep, and this lack of boundary setting can have ramifications throughout every aspect of their lives.
For anyone who takes on the task of spearheading the cleanup attempt, understanding the confusion and concern that children of hoarders have is an important aspect in formulating a plan that will have the best results and keep the family intact.
▶ Hoarders’ Neighbors
No one wants to be the busybody neighbor. But in the case of Rick, the information hoarding professor, it took a complaint by a neighbor to the city officials to get him into the system and to get him help.
Social services are there to help people, not to punish them. Sure, other government bodies may fine a hoarder or take more drastic measures. But without that initial call, Rick’s situation might have gone on for much longer, and with much more serious consequences. Even then, it was almost a year from that first phone call until the cleaning crew arrived at Rick’s house.
Rick’s neighbor didn’t call the city constantly, and he didn’t start a war with Rick. Rick was a nice guy; he probably wouldn’t have lashed out, but some hoarders take great pride in antagonizing their annoyed neighbors. Sometimes that’s the only power, and interaction with others, that a hoarder has. I have worked with hoarders who knew the local ordinances and laws better than the authorities did, and they delighted in pushing the limits.
Those who live near hoarders are stuck with smells, eyesores, and declining property value. Selling a home near a hoarder is doubly challenging. Unfortunately, there aren’t many options in this situation. Knowing that the hoarder has a mental disorder doesn’t really help minimize the problem.
A neighbor is rarely the person to spearhead an intervention, and legally speaking it’s better to avoid any negative communications with a hoarder. The best approach is to contact city or county officials. And be aware that solutions won’t happen quickly or smoothly, especially if the hoarding is advanced enough for neighbors to notice.
But for those who are tackling the issue, being aware of the history of interaction with neighbors—and,