The Secret Lives of Hoarders_ True Stories of Tackling Extreme Clutter - Matt Paxton [40]
Jackson was living in a “perfect past,” with his Blondie memorabilia and a big collection of designer clothing. He was hanging on to a time that had made him happy, and he wasn’t ready to let that go until he saw that he could have a fulfilling life in the present.
Hoarders are ready to tackle their issues when they start openly talking about what they miss out on in life, and what they want back. Instead of obsessing about why family members have kept them from seeing their grandchildren, for instance, they start to focus on the simple fact that they miss the grandchildren. They may admit that they want to see them, and at their own house instead of at the home of another family member. When the conversation changes from blaming others for the situation to expressing a wish for something positive, like more time with the family members, it’s safe to give a little push—encouragement that says, “I am giving you my help, love, and support. If you really want to change, then now is the time.” It can be as simple as asking, “What can we do to help you get your life back?” The hoarder has to decide what that action is.
▶ What Is a Hoarder’s Role?
Candace, the former advertising executive we met in Chapter 2, was an exceptional worker who started her cleanup even before her helpers arrived. She talked with me on the phone, and because she was eager to start, we mapped out a plan before I visited the house. She had recently stopped drinking and said that she was ready to channel her energy into something positive.
Candace had boxes and piles of paperwork—mostly bills and other mail. She was willing to start there, sorting through each pile and box one piece of paper at a time, in search of old checks, overdue bills, and other important financial documents.
But Candace’s OCD kicked in, and she wanted to make final decisions about every single piece of paper as she went through it all. In the interest of speed, it was a lot more efficient for her to group like items together, then sort through those after the major cleanup was over. So she put all of the bills in one bin, checks in another, family photos in a third, and trash in a fourth. By the time the cleaning crew arrived, three days later, Candace had already gone through ten boxes of paperwork completely on her own. She had four fifty-gallon trash bags of old mail to shred.
Brad and Ellen were also able to do a lot of the work on their own. I gave them a plan for staying clutter-free, which included a “ten-minute sweep” through the house every night. They focused on that and managed to get the house de-cluttered, and keep it that way.
Many hoarders can work hard all day long and keep working even after the cleaning crew has gone home. Others need supervision, frequent breaks, and take a more passive role in the actual cleanup process. In planning any cleanup it is very important to take into account both the hoarder’s ability and his or her willingness to help. The hoarder should have a sense of being in control as much as possible, but that is determined by what he or she is physically and mentally able to do—and how sensitive the team is to the hoarder’s needs, wants, and limitations.
How involved can hoarders be, and more important, how involved do they want to be? Can they carry boxes and items? Or should they sit quietly and “direct” the cleanup, deciding where things should go while others do the actual moving? Does the hoarder have health issues that may cut the workday short? When does the hoarder’s day usually start—early or late? Empathetic team members will work with hoarders to build a plan that they feel good about.
I expect the hoarders I work with to give me 100 percent effort. Their 100 percent may not produce as much output as mine, but I want to know they are giving me everything they have. Sometimes a hoarder is so physically unwell or emotionally stressed or completely passive that he or she can