The Secret Lives of Hoarders_ True Stories of Tackling Extreme Clutter - Matt Paxton [67]
A therapist can help a hoarder explore a painful past and put that to rest. Many of the hoarders I have worked with tell me they were abused, either as children or by spouses. In therapy, Aimee was able to talk about the trauma of her abusive marriage. She started to understand that she was comforting herself by surrounding herself with things. She also realized that she was protecting herself. As a hoarder living in such extreme conditions, Aimee was subconsciously putting up a barrier that prevented anyone else from getting close to her. The hoard had become her safe haven, and living there in complete solitude felt better than risking entering another relationship, where again someone might abuse her. Aimee’s therapist worked with her on trust issues, so that Aimee felt safe reaching out to people again instead of hoarding.
Hoarders with mental issues, including anxiety, depression, or OCD, need therapy as part of their treatment. Margaret refused to see a therapist to talk about what caused her anger management issues. Without treatment, I knew she was likely to slip right back into her old habits. Those deep-seated impulses don’t disappear just because a house is clean. A good therapist can help hoarders understand why they do what they do, and learn to deal with their compulsions. That’s when the true healing begins.
Aside from the ongoing psychological counseling, a hoarder with severe anxiety or depression may benefit from medications. Many of the hoarders I’ve worked with were already taking prescription drugs, and I’ve witnessed many cleanups go off track when a hoarder stops medication. After cleanup, I have seen hoarders feel so euphoric and confident that they quit taking their medications, thinking they don’t need them. Every one of them has gone back into hoarding. When medications are involved, the addition of a therapist or medical doctor to the team is essential.
▶ Discovering Replacement Behavior
People need to feel they have a purpose in life. For a hoarder that purpose has gotten lost in the mess. When given the choice between a physical item and something as nebulous as “finding purpose,” the hoarder will almost always choose the easier of the two. The goal is to help the hoarder find a suitable replacement behavior, which might be a job, volunteer work, a pastime, or a hobby—preferably one that doesn’t encourage further collecting.
After Roger moved into his new, smaller house, his sister knew that he needed some form of replacement behavior, otherwise he would just sit in his house alone and almost certainly start hoarding again. Roger himself wanted some form of meaningful work, so his sister connected him with a training program for special needs workers that would try to match him with a position in which his natural obsessive-compulsive behavior might be something of an asset. Roger learned how to take warehouse inventory, and the program helped him find a job. Kathy hoped that Roger’s days would be busy, and that he might even make friends.
Candace wasn’t an animal hoarder, but she loved dogs. She had adopted her two Irish Setters a few years earlier, when she was working with animal rescue. Once Candace got her house cleaned up, she decided that she wanted to volunteer again with the local rescue program. She loved animals and already had experience with the program. This would allow her to spend time with dogs without endangering them. As part of the rescue program, local coordinators often made unannounced visits to the animals’ foster families. Although Candace recognized that on her own she could easily get carried away and end up adopting too many dogs—and letting her house slip back into chaos—she also knew that the possibility of unannounced visits from rescue volunteers who were evaluating her home would help her keep her hoarding in check.
Volunteering forces a hoarder to think of someone else in need. The hoarder can forget momentarily about