The Secret Lives of Hoarders_ True Stories of Tackling Extreme Clutter - Matt Paxton [74]
If a trigger is the culprit, then it’s time for more positive reinforcement. To a hoarder like Candace, whose OCD often held her back from completing a task, I would say something such as “I’m noticing these trash bags starting to pile up again by the back door. The last time that happened you told me it was because you weren’t taking your meds. Is everything okay? Let’s take these bags out while we talk about it.” Hoarders are used to justifying everything, so they may assume they are being judged and get defensive. Letting hoarders know that someone cares about them, and offering to help them with the immediate task, helps them get past the defensiveness. And when hoarding behavior is triggered, even to a modest degree, it is always wise to remind hoarders of their overall goals, and how badly they want to achieve those.
Hope is a huge part of hoarding recovery. Everyone involved must believe that a hoarder can eventually be helped, or both hoarders and helpers will not have the energy to keep going when it gets tough. Most of the time it’s so much easier to quit than to keep fighting. Remember that there are happy endings, and that a loving family will do anything to help. Always remember that quitting on the hoarder is yet another tragic event in the hoarder’s life. Someone who wants to help a hoarder must stay focused, positive, and full of hope, because honestly, who else will?
EPILOGUE
How many of your hoarders keep their houses clean?”
Every day, people ask me about my success rate, but the real question should be about the hoarder success rate. I can help, and so can organizers, therapists, friends, and family members, but we can only bring so much to the table. Ultimately, whether or not a hoarder recovers is really up to the hoarder.
Therapists I know report that 60 to 85 percent of hoarders backslide. But there have been no reliable studies to support those estimates, which don’t even take into consideration the fact that hoarders often make a journey through recovery—falling off the wagon and then trying again, but getting closer each time.
Personally, I think it’s too early in the understanding of hoarding to give a firm number, because so much depends on the style of cleaning and the quality of follow-up counseling and guidance received. I think we will begin to develop a deeper sense of what’s possible as hoarding becomes better understood. Right now, the best answer to this question is that hoarders who don’t follow through with therapy and organizational support are 100 percent guaranteed to fail.
Early- to mid-stage hoarders, Stages 1 through 3, aren’t as likely to admit they have a problem and seek help in the first place, but once they are on board, theirs are the most promising cases for success stories. These hoarders have fewer bad habits to break and haven’t spent as much time buried in mess and becoming comfortable with it.
To stay clean, hoarders must have several of the elements of success in their favor, and early-stage hoarders are much more likely to have several of these in place. Maybe they have a terrific friend network or supportive family. Or perhaps they get heavily involved in volunteer work. Or they have a dedicated and experienced therapist. Each hoarder has different strengths and opportunities, and needs to use as many of these supports as possible. Without them, the challenge to stay clean can be overwhelming.
Stage 4 and 5 hoarders are far less likely to have classic happy endings. They may not end up the way their families hope, but if a cleanup gives them cleaner and safer lives, it’s a success. Advanced hoarders have