The Secret Lives of Hoarders_ True Stories of Tackling Extreme Clutter - Matt Paxton [75]
“Success” for a hoarder is not really a goal; it’s more of a journey toward a better life, even if that’s not necessarily a completely clutter-free life. Some families have no hope for the hoarders in their lives. Some hoarders themselves have no hope that they can change. But everyone has the potential. Hope is what propels hoarders—and their families, friends, and helpers—through the tough process of cleaning up, and the even tougher and longer recovery period.
The stories that follow check in with several of the hoarders that we met earlier in this book. A number are out-and-out success stories by anyone’s standards, and many were backsliders, but all are still on a lifetime journey of recovery.
AIMEE
Aimee, the former model and Stage 4 hoarder, could be proud of her success. After her fun lunch date with my crew to celebrate her clean house, and the lively party with her girlfriends, Aimee realized that she loved being back out in the world. She opened up like a gorgeous flower, once again sharing her sense of humor and friendly smile with everyone she met. Aimee reached out to friends and family, drawing energy and comfort from being with people instead of from hoarding.
A couple of years after her cleanup, Aimee reconnected with an old boyfriend. That Aimee was attractive and confident enough to welcome love back into her life seemed like a good sign. But then I learned that he had started to abuse her—repeating the situation with her ex-husband from which I’d thought she’d escaped. Aimee stopped returning my calls and her friends hinted that she was hoarding again.
Aimee’s self-confidence was obviously still so fragile that she wasn’t able to break off the damaging relationship. Instead, it triggered the familiar behavior that had helped her cope before. Aimee is a strong person, and I know she wants to have a clean house and an active, happy social life. She knows that she can stay clean if she really wants it, and I’m hopeful that she will reach the point again where she has the strength to choose that life over an abusive relationship.
MARGARET
After her cleanup, Margaret’s house passed provisional inspections, but a little work still had to be done for her dogs to be returned. The inspector wanted the doors and some ceiling tiles replaced. Her plumbing and electricity were working, and the structure was sound overall. For a Stage 5 hoarder like Margaret, this was a huge success and it was probably the cleanest she would ever be.
The best part of Margaret’s cleanup was when we started pulling apart the giant rat’s nest we found in her mudroom, which was made up of a lot of plastic shopping bags. We opened each one, probably hundreds, and started finding cash. Apparently Margaret had a habit of shopping and tossing her change into the plastic bag. When she got home, she would pull out the microwave dinner or paper towels she had purchased, and toss the bag into the mudroom or on the kitchen floor. Who knew that rats don’t eat cash? The rest of the room looked like confetti, with chewed-up paper and cardboard, but the shredded bags were guarding a small fortune: We recovered $13,000 in coins, singles, fives, and tens.
Unfortunately, the cash had to go toward the cleaning bill and paying back taxes on Margaret’s property, so she didn’t have much of a windfall. Her depression remained untreated because she didn’t like to take her medication and she didn’t cooperate with her social worker. She also didn’t have much of a life outside the house. Margaret’s daughter visited and their relationship improved, but Margaret still didn’t have meaningful work or other connections with society. Her days looked pretty much like they had before the cleanup, except with fewer animals in the house.
Margaret still struggled to accomplish daily household