The Spirit Stone - Katharine Kerr [120]
‘I know. We all have our blind spots. I suppose this has only made things worse.’
‘No. I do believe it now. I believe that you love me as much as you’re capable of loving anyone, but that’s not very much.’
He made an indignant sound so much like a squawk that she spun around, expecting to see him in raven form. A man still stood there, his hands on his hips as he scowled at her. Sidro took a deep breath and realized that she’d stopped trembling. She saw that she had two choices: pretend to give in to him and kill him when he slept, or merely give in. At the moment she hated him, but she’d hated him in the past, and the feeling always, sooner rather than later, deserted her. I’m still his slave, she thought, no matter how long it’s been since he freed me. She realized that she was still clutching her shift. She slipped it over her head and pulled it down.
‘I suppose we’ll go to Vandar’s hell together,’ she said.
‘If there were such a place we would. However, there’s not.’ His scowl disappeared, and he laughed. ‘But even if it were real, it wouldn’t be hell, then, would it? If we were together.’
‘Perhaps not for you. To lose Alshandra’s country—that’s hell enough for me.’
‘Then you’d best find what joy you can now.’ He glanced at the table, where the white pyramid glittered under the wizard light. ‘It wouldn’t hurt to find what power you can to go with the joy, either. I suppose you’re determined never to use your gifts again.’
‘They’re not gifts. They’re curses.’
‘According to your pack of holy fools, not to me. Why? I cannot understand why they’re so adamant about condemning sorcery. Unless—the chronicles tell us that sorcery’s what destroyed Alshandra, there at Highstone Tor. It certainly looked like that to me, in my memory not dream.’
‘That’s ridiculous! You weren’t there. It was a dream. She wasn’t destroyed.’
‘Oh? Then why—’
‘The teaching on the subject’s simple enough. Vandar uses sorcery to spread evil in the world, and so Alshandra’s people are forbidden to use it.’
‘They weren’t in the early days, you know. Those old chronicles you scorn, they tell us a great many interesting things. The first worshippers knew sorcery, and they used it, too. For just one example, Nag-arshad, the First Priest, owned a staff that could evoke blue fire.’
‘So? It probably wasn’t forbidden yet. The goddess didn’t reveal her will all at once. We had to work towards the revelations.’
‘That is utter nonsense, and I’ll wager you know it.’
Sidro crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. He merely smiled, and went on smiling with the gleam in his eyes that she could never quite resist.
‘But I’ll admit,’ she said, ‘that I sometimes wonder if the rakzanir are just simply afraid of sorcery, and that’s why they’re so eager to stamp it out. I haven’t stopped thinking altogether.’
‘Good.’ Laz emphasized the word with a sharp nod. ‘If you’re right, it means they’re all cowards as well as fools. I suppose, then, you’ll deign to look into this crystal for me?’
‘I certainly won’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘I swore a vow. I’ve already broken one. I don’t care to break another.’
Laz shrugged, then walked over to the table and leaned on it with both hands so that he could stare into the crystal pyramid. With the wizard light gleaming on his naked body, she realized that he’d changed. His shoulders and upper arms had grown so heavily muscled that they were out of proportion to the rest of him.
‘You’ve been spending more and more time in the raven form, haven’t you?’ Sidro said. ‘That scroll our teacher gave us—it said it was dangerous to use the animal body too much. Fly only for that space of time when the moon is full or nearly so, I think it said.’
‘Did it?’ Laz sounded profoundly indifferent. ‘You know, I think this gem is a showstone. Huh! Look at that.’ He leaned closer, mouthing a few silent words. Despite Sidro’s intentions, her curiosity began to battle with her last unbroken vow.
‘I don’t suppose it would hurt,’ she said, ‘if you told me what you were seeing.’
He looked up and grinned.