The Three Christs of Ypsilanti - Milton Rokeach [118]
Throughout this time he continued to address her as “G. M. Anderson,” although he sometimes called her “Mr. Russell Anderson” or “Mrs. Rachel Anderson.” Once she suggested that he call her by her correct name—Mary Lou Anderson—but he adamantly refused on the ground that if he were to agree it would lead only to more demands on her part for him to change. “It so happens if I say that, it’s gonna build up to something else.”
Reminiscent of his frequent accusations against his own mother —and at the same time symbolic of his fear of being overwhelmed by her—was his accusation that Miss Anderson had once given him a poisonous octopus drink. He also accused her of forcing him to deny his identity as “R. I. Dung, reincarnation of Jesus Christ.”
And he would deny to her that she meant anything to him. He asserted that his foster sister was much more pleasing to him than she was.
A central issue that came up again and again in his daily, ambivalent, anxiety-ridden, guilt-laden contacts with Miss Anderson was the issue of his sexual feelings toward her. He would discuss these sometimes directly and sometimes metaphorically—metaphor became the preferred mode after she found it necessary to point out to him that patients often develop sexual feelings toward hospital personnel which cannot be reciprocated.
“I forgot to mention that while I was kneeling in there, respecting you, I didn’t mention that the bull came once, then a pause, then twice, then three times. Last night I prayed again. I came fourteen times. It was a complete recession. I tried to pray some more and mine was limber and the bull came once—ah, that was with the squeezing of the anus. I didn’t care for that. This morning when I got up I felt a knock in both sides in the lobe of my brain as if my eyes were open. Where is there a woman who could take a hundred and ninety-six duo-orgasms consecutively? The Ten Commandment female part can do it.
“And here’s another comical story. I think it was my uncle who said, ‘Did you hear the story of the spinster who didn’t like men?’ Shit was mentioned and she had a fit—she got so angry she went out to the barn and took some shit and said if it’s instrumental I’ll see what I can do with it. So she slopped it around, and some fell on a little lily seed and of course the lily grew up and it was beautiful. A particular friend of this spinster came along and happened to see the lily and he dug it up and put it in a flower pot and took it over to her and the story goes that the lily wound up in the parlor window, and when she asked where did you get that from he didn’t care to say it was a cheap gift that he dug out of her own backyard in a pile of manure and she was put to shame when he told her because she was the one who put it there and didn’t realize it—so dung is very helpful. There’s charm there but she didn’t see it, he did.”
After a brief silence, very gently: “You didn’t make any connection, did you? That’s what I thought.”
But the greatest part of Leon’s conversation with Miss Anderson was highly delusional talk about “squelches.” The nature of this discourse, which can best be described as Leon’s “squelch defense,” was clearly twofold. On the one hand it was designed to keep Miss Anderson there as long as possible, that is, it had a filibustering function. On the other hand, it was a defense designed to ward off a realistic awareness of his emotional and sexual needs for Miss Anderson. The purpose of a “squelch,” Leon