The Treasure_ A Novel - Iris Johansen [117]
“I’m not willing. I don’t want—” Her hands clenched. “I hope this is all a lie.”
“But you’re no longer sure it is.” Layla smiled faintly. “It’s very sobering, isn’t it? But you’ll become used to the idea.”
“Will I?”
“It’s a great gift.”
“So you say.”
“Because it’s true. Death, not Eshe, is the enemy.”
“Tarik chose Kadar not only to receive Eshe but to protect the grail. I don’t think he meant to give him a choice in the beginning.”
“It was very difficult for Tarik. Eshe has always been an unbearable burden for him. He must have been desperate to relinquish the grail.”
“And you thought he sent me to you because he couldn’t bring himself to give me the potion. Would you have done it?”
“Oh, yes. I was desperate too. I’ve been without Tarik for a long time. I thought he was reaching out to me.” She grimaced. “I would have done anything, and I’m far more ruthless than Tarik.”
“Yes, you are. For God’s sake, if your story is true, I’d think the years would have made you more civilized.”
“Souls don’t change. I’ve come to believe we’re all born with the soul we take to the grave. We learn, but we cannot change that part of us. If anything, we become more of what we started out to be.”
“Then God help us.”
“Sometimes He does. Sometimes we help ourselves.” Layla paused. “And sometimes we falter and make mistakes. When that happens, you forgive yourself or let it destroy you. I won’t let either Tarik or myself be destroyed by what happened to his brother. We just have to go on.” She moved her shoulders as if shrugging off a burden. “Enough. I’ve told you all you asked of me. It’s not easy to sit here and have you stare at me and question things I’ve questioned myself. Now go away and let me have some peace.”
Selene wearily rose to her feet. Peace. She wouldn’t know peace this night. Her mind was too full and her emotions too rampant.
“What are you going to do?” Layla asked.
“About Eshe? I don’t know.” She turned to the tent entrance. “Perhaps there’s nothing to be done. Maybe you and Tarik are mad and there’s no such thing as Eshe. I can’t think any more about it right now. I’m upset enough, and there’s Nasim to deal with.”
She stopped outside the tent and drew a deep breath. Night had fallen, and the cool air felt good on her hot cheeks. She was shaking, she realized. It was all very well to say she couldn’t afford to think of Eshe, but how could she not.
I have no choice.
Five vials . . . No more.
You can’t hide your head in the ground.
But she must try not to face it tonight. She had found out what she needed to know. Now she mustn’t be distracted from the urgency of Nasim.
Her gaze searched the camp, and she saw Vaden and Kadar in conversation by the fire. Good, she would have time to recover her composure before she set out to do what had to be done.
KADAR WAS SITTING by the tent entrance when she arrived two hours later.
He stood up. “You were gone long enough. I thought you’d run away.”
“No, you didn’t. You know I’d not be that foolish. Why would I cheat myself?”
He smiled. “Still, I was uneasy enough to check to make sure your horse was still staked with the others. Where were you?”
“Talking to Layla.”
His smile faded. “And?”
“She’s not nearly as reluctant or caring of my feelings as you.”
“She doesn’t love you as I do.”
“She doesn’t love anyone but Tarik, but I believe she likes me. Not that her liking would stop her from sacrificing me on the altar. However, she’s honest, brutally honest. It’s a quality I’ve grown to value of late.” She stepped closer and took his hand. “And now I wish to lie with you. I don’t wish